Up until three years ago, I never thought I'd ever consider complete nullification. It struck me as an extreme and potentially very dangerous body modification.
But then I met my boyfriend. He's very masculine, identifies as straight, and had dated women his entire life. But he saw me practicing yoga outdoors by the lake one day and became intrigued. He loved my flexibility and grace as I moved from posture to posture, and when I was finished he came up to me and introduced himself. He's a former marine and I could immediately tell by looking at his lean & muscular body that he took fitness seriously.
I asked him if he had a family, and he told me he was recently separated from his wife of fifteen years and she had full custody of his two kids. He said he'd moved into town just before the pandemic hoping for a fresh start. I wanted to ask him about his kids, but felt I shouldn't pry into his private life.
We moved to a park bench so we could both sit down and chat a bit more. He asked me if I had a family. I told him that I unfortunately didn't. He asked if I had any kids, and I responded again in the negative. "I love kids and would like to raise a family." I told him. "But being a father is such a huge responsibility and I'm afraid I wouldn't be a good enough role model."
The strange man I'd just met nodded his head understandingly. I told him about my last serious relationship that had lasted three years and how it ended. "She wanted to have children and so did I. But I was indecisive and never proposed marriage. Even though I'd resigned from a well-paying IT job in order to move west with her and support her in her career. We were close friends and lovers and we had sex regularly, mostly oral.
Then at the beginning of last year she wanted me to penetrate her every time we had sex. My male parts were functional back then so I fulfilled her request. On two occasions I climaxed inside of her without protection. Thankfully she never became pregnant.
I had my sperm analyzed a few weeks later, because every time she brought me to orgasm through oral sex my semen volume was low and I squirted watery droplets instead of thick, translucent ropes of semen.
I discovered my sperm count was very low and the sperm were not healthy or viable. (My T has always measured <300, even in my early twenties when some of my peers were 1000+.)
Her interest in penetrative sex started earlier that year. She had met a coworker she found attractive and she eventually told me about him. She said he was a go-getter who knew what he wanted out of life. "I guess he wants you," I remarked. She blushed beet red.
I looked her in the eyes and asked her if she was thinking of him those times she had asked me to ->-bleeped-<- her hard. Her mind seemed to be someplace else even when I was thrusting deeply inside of her.
She looked at me but didn't say anything.
A few moments later she told me she wanted to remain loyal to a single partner. I told her that's what I wanted too. Next week she told me he was coming on to her at work and she couldn't resist. I asked what had happened and she told me the story.
He had asked her out to a Friday night event at a club in our city. The event was scheduled to take place in two weeks. During our evening dinner she said, "he'd like to make a weekend event out of it. He wants me to accompany him the entire weekend."
I asked her how she felt about that. She said, "well, it could open doors for me."
I told her I wanted to support her in her career however I could.
Then I asked her if he knows about me. She said, "he does. he said you're welcome to come along on the trip but you'll have a separate room. Or I'll compensate you $3000 for imposing on your home life. Whichever you decide."
I allowed her to go because I knew it could open doors for her. I said I wouldn't accept the $3000, but I'd like her to have it.
She kissed me passionately and we fell asleep in each others arms.
She was very communicative with me each and every day of the following week. She and I were high school sweethearts and I loved her with all my heart. She was one year older than me and approaching her 29th birthday. She came from a very conservative family, so the fact that I had resigned from the well-paying IT job I had in my early 20's did not sit well with them. But my girlfriend and I had discussed the matter at length. We both wanted to have children and raise them together. The position she was offered not only paid well but it also offered a pathway into the medical profession. The IT job I had been set up with after college was nice, but surely there were plenty of other IT job options on the West Coast.
I should have proposed marriage then and there. But the prospect of fatherhood frightened me. I never had a good male role model when I was a child.
So just after my 25th birthday I announced I was resigning from the company in order to support my girlfriend in her new career.
Everyone in the company was shocked by my announcement. My salary that year was $77000 and my role was a managerial one offering career advancement into senior management within three years.
My role at the company was also considered an essential one, so resigning from it meant I would need to train my replacement to handle my duties and responsibilities for a period of at least one month.
I already had a replacement candidate in mind. She had assisted me countless times in the past when I had gotten stuck. Her suggestions were invaluable in solving the problems we encountered but she never wanted to credit for any of them. She was super intelligent but always stayed in the background because she was a woman. I wanted the company and the world to see what my female replacement was capable of.
I assisted her in taking over the responsibilities of my job position for one week. All of my colleagues were stunned, and a handful of them felt betrayed. There were rumors of a "gay mafia" controlling the IT department at our company and I had been one of its beneficiaries. I had indeed met the President of our company through a Craigslist ad I had posted advertising my computer services to which his partner responded. His partner told me about the network and computer problems they were having at their home, and scheduled an appointment time for me to come to their house and repair their computers.
I wasn't able to fix everything on my first visit but I had great customer service skills and made myself available in every way I could. One of my value propositions was "no charge if I can't fix it." I've always held to that. If nothing else I learn new things when I attempt to fix a problem. So I never accept money unless I'm confident the issue is fixed.
Anyhow, the President of the company was impressed with my service skills and told me about an opening for a full-time IT position at his company. I told him I was interested and asked him how many other candidates there were. He told me "about a half-dozen, but some are related to current employees." They're not viewed favorably by HR because their applications are seen as nepotism."
I asked if my application might also be seen as nepotism. Both he and his partners were benefactors in the local LGBT community, and I had revealed to them that I'm bisexual. He thought about it for a few seconds, then told me "no, that's not nepotism because we're not related to you."
I accepted that answer.
I applied for the position, did the interviews, and ultimately was hired. But I lacked half of the qualifications needed for the role. I learned a lot on the job, but any time something unexpected occurred I froze. Or I ran to my supervisor to ask him for help.
One of the things I enjoyed most was going from cubicle to cubicle to address the issues each individual was having and their workstation. I got to know all of the employees over time that way. A call center employee surprised me one day when I arrived at her workstation and she had prepared a list of suggested improvements and fixes.
I went over them with her, and then asked her about her background in IT. She had done a ton of self-study and had acquired certifications in Linux and Windows administration as well as cybersecurity. I didn't believe her at first, but ultimately everything checked out.
One of the first things she said to me when I met her was, "So you're the gay mafia's DEI hire, huh?"
My face turned beet red. I didn't say anything because I had nothing to say. But she was absolutely right and we both knew it.
I felt guilty benefiting from "gay mafia" assistance because I knew there were better qualified candidates for my role. In addition my position was a pathway into upper management and all of its perks.
I spent one week training my replacement, shadowing her during the day and answering any questions she had. Eyes of other employees as well as management were on us everywhere we went, and most were unfriendly.
I didn't know it at the time, but upper management at our company in those days was a "good ole' boys" club of white men. I had invaded its sanctity by offering a woman the opportunity to smash through the glass ceiling at our company.
The President felt especially slighted and betrayed. I had served three years and had given no indication that I planned to resign. The President had been planning a major promotion for me -- now he had to eat dirt.
But I knew I was making the right choice for female empowerment. After one week of "training" she decided she was ready and assumed all of the rights and responsibilities I had formerly held. I assumed her former role in the call center, and our salaries were swapped in HR.
Over the next three weeks multiple revelations came to light and the President came under heavy fire. During my three years at the company I had made 15 proposals at staff meetings for which I took full credit. Most were accepted and I had received praise and public acknowledgement for them at the end of the year.
But an analysis of email records showed that notes for the proposals first appeared on my replacement's email account, not mine. When I was confronted with this evidence by forensic examiners all I said was "[my replacement] has been a tremendous asset I've consulted with on numerous proposals and issues to be addressed at staff meetings. For precisely that reason I nominated her to replace me."
Revv
He laughed, and we hit it off immediately.
He treated me like a lady from the start, and I did my very best to tend to all of his manly needs. His ballsack was literally 5x larger in volume than mine, and his nuts were the size of large walnuts. (Mine were like large peanuts or raisins.) His cock was so thick and so fat that I almost couldn't open my mouth wide enough to fit it inside. And he had nine inches of such man-meat.
He loved watching work hard to give his cock and balls as much pleasure as I could bring them. He asked me if I planned to ever have children. I told him "no," and he said "so, you just plan to use mine then?" I nodded as I sucked and stroked him.
He told me I was the best female substitute he could ever imagine having. I smiled and asked him how I could do any better. He replied by suggesting I cut my balls off.
I laughed and didn't know if he was serious. I told him I'd gladly get a vassectomy, but he challenged me and asked me why not just have my balls removed entirely.
I didn't have a good answer for him, and the more I thought about it the more sense it made to me. I remembered how great I felt in 2014 under female hormones. But when I developed breast buds and intense chest pain for two weeks I got scared and stopped. I found myself wishing I had stayed strong and stuck through it.
My experiment destroyed my DHT, and my balls stopped producing testosterone long enough for them to shrink down to the size of grapes. That allowed me to push them inside my body and wrap my scrotum up with a tight rubber band. I also applied skin tightening cream to my scrotum to reduce as much loose skin as possible.
The results paid off over time. But my balls were still there, only smaller. Why not just get rid of them if I didn't plan on using them?
What sealed it for me was the aesthetic factor. My surgeon calculated exactly how many pounds of flesh I'd get rid of if I had the orchiectomy and scrotoectomy. My balls were small already, so I was surprised when he told me I'd lose 15 pounds!
I said, "let's go for it" and a month later I was on the operating table. I had general aesthesia so I just remember waking up afterwards. I was in a lot of pain (even with anesthesia) for about a month. But the result was so worth it. All I had left was a small, smooth penis (with excess foreskin.)
I hated the foreskin and I thought about getting an adult circumcision. Then I thought, "enough, for now." That was at the end of 2022, just a few months after I'd met my boyfriend.
My boyfriend absolutely loved the fact I had the procedure done just for him. It was official: I was no longer a man. All I had was a little penis the size of a child's. That said, the excess foreskin made it look ugly. We both agreed I should have it tightened up eventually. The only thing he liked was seeing it swell with blood when he held my legs up around his neck and ->-bleeped-<-ed me.
But since I no longer produced testosterone I lost that function around six months after the procedure. So its nothing more than a floppy nub that's ugly to look at.
I don't have any body hair or pubic hair and now that I lack testosterone-producing gonads I'll never have pubic hair again.
Having already gotten rid of so much of my bodies maleness, I think it's time to go all the way and become fully nonbinary. I lost my male functionality years ago, so I'd like to get rid of remaining male vestiges and tighten everything up. My penis extends deep into my body and my urethral track is 85% longer than it needs to be because it runs through the penis. I want all of that flesh taken out and my urethra shortened so it runs directly from my bladder to a small inconspicuous hole in my groin.
