Good question, CJ.
I think it is a "glass half full" situation.
As parents, we try to raise our children to become the people we want them to be. As they grow older and become rambunctious teenagers, we begin to wonder where we went wrong. The reality is that it had nothing to do with how we raised them; they are just figuring out who they are. Maybe they will rebel against us, and maybe we will become closer.
Even as adults, our children may go their own way in the world. We still see bits of ourselves in them, but they are nothing like they were as a child. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I still think of my daughter as the sweet little girl with curly blonde hair. She is now fully grown, married to a wonderful man, and has kids of her own. She is nothing like I envisioned her growing up to be, but I am proud of the person she has become.
My dad still thinks of me as his son. He knows differently and tries to accept who I am. I try to show him that I am the same person inside. I have not changed. I have told him many times that the only difference is that now he knows more intimate details about me that I never shared before.
My brother refuses to accept it. For his entire life, I was the big brother that he looked up to and respected. From his perspective, he has suffered a great loss. But the loss is of his own choosing. He chooses not to accept me and has made that clear. I lost a little brother who meant the world to me. But I choose to live my life for who I am, with or without his blessing.
I knew going into this that there was a good chance that I would lose everyone. I wrestled with that for a long time. Is this something that I can be okay with? I concluded that the decision was not mine to make.
It is unfair of us to force others into a relationship that they find unbearable. I certainly do not want to be in a relationship of any kind where all parties are not happy to be there. If I pretend to be the old me strictly for the sake of appeasing others, I make myself miserable. And the others are not responding to the authentic me. After three marriages, I can confirm that does not work.
So is it a loss? Yes. When I strip the husk from an ear of corn, it is because it is something that was in my way and preventing me from enjoying the good stuff on the cob. Is that a loss? It is a matter of quality over quantity. I have no room for negative people in my life.
Each person must decide for themselves what they are willing to discard for the purpose of better fulfilling a happy life. Some cannot live without family and friends at any cost. And from the outside, we see their lives full of drama and pain. The happiest people on the planet are those who are surrounded by caring, loving people who accept each other as they are.