A message of Faith.

[Sephirah]

I need to preface this that I am not talking about religious faith. I am talking about a faith in yourself. A belief in yourself that can be very hard for a whole lot of people to even have, let alone contemplate.

In the latest instalment of Lauren's Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way... I want to talk about having faith in yourself that you're a better person than you think you are.

If you've been following this uncommon series, you'll know that I have recently gone back to school to help to learn how to help other people deal with how to cope with some of the stuff we have to deal with in our every day life... as trans folks. If you haven't been following this irregular series then I don't blame you. <3 But hey, maybe you were bored and clicked on this... or your other half held a gun to your head... or your child held a weirdly shaped teddy bear to your head... whatever, lol. You're here.

I will give you the TL:DR version straight off the bat... Faith in yourself can work miracles. Go think about that as you go about your daily business. And I wish you the best. <3

For anyone who wants to read on... well, read on.

I posted about this, briefly, in my blog. I went out for the first time in a long time yesterday. Which, as a giant misanthrope and, quite possibly allergic to any form of human being.. was quite a big deal. Not least of which was the biggest deal that... a good many of you don't have to deal with. I can't transition. If anyone needs to know I am who I am, I have to flatly come out and explain the whole deal. Hope you're okay with it... and deal with if you aren't.

Three hours before zero hour... I thought I better get myself ready. I went full neutral. As neutral as I could. I am a goth chick so... think copious amounts of black. That covers a lot, lol. You'd be surprised.

So.. I was there, waiting for my ride... regretting my life choices up to this point. Envisioning the entire worst way the night could go. You know the deal. I'm sure a lot of you have been there. The analogy filter might wrestle with this but I was sweating like a nun in a cucumber field... my brain was showing me a home movie that would make anyone vomit.

The taxi turned up. One of those big vans that can take a wheelchair.. the guy was really nice. Didn't bat an eyelid. We got to the restaurant and everyone was really nice. I was naturally misgendered because, see above. I tried to correct the dude with a smile and he was immediately friendly and apologised. Even though he did nothing wrong. You can't expect people to just psychically know stuff when they are just trying to earn a wage and don't honestly care.

But he was abnormally polite. I met a bunch of my friends from school, and we all went inside and got a table. I tried not to be a giant T-Rex... even ordered a salad. Which is like the eating out code for "WTF are you doing?" I was extremely self restrained lol.

We talked about school stuff for a while, then a couple of folks decided we should go on to a club. Naturally I didn't feel comfortable with that because it's not like I can get onto the dancefloor... but whatever. A lot of folks had had a lot to drink at this point and I was like "Um... okay whatever." I felt comfortable around these folks.

So we did just that. With half a fleet of Taxis. No one cared about my issues. They were all extremely supportive and accommodating. Which was wild to me. I think three of the girls and two of the guys hooked up when we went to the club. I didn't, but I didn't expect to. They are going to probably be extremely out of it tomorrow...

The long winded point of all of this is... faith. Faith in yourself and that you're going to be okay if you just let go of all the things that are keeping you from being yourself. Not necessarily gender. But just fear of being you. Some people are not as bad as you think they can be. You just have to put yourself out there. You might even enjoy it. 🙂

[Lori Dee]

Thanks for this.

You are so right that you have to just be ok with being yourself. No pretenses, no trying to impress anyone. Just be you.

I remember a high school prom, and the girls that the guys noticed first were not the ones on the dance floor. It was the wallflowers trying not to be noticed. When police are looking for criminals, they notice the people who are acting like they are trying not to be noticed. That is suspicious.

When you are just being yourself and having fun, you blend in because that is what everyone else is doing.

Also, at that dance was a guy who had been in a serious car crash. He was out on the dance floor spinning his chair around, doing wheelies, and having a great time dancing. The strength and balance that he showed were amazing. Others noticed that he was having fun and joined in to dance with him.

Just be you. That is all you need to be.

[Pema]

Thank you, Lauren. I think of it as surrender at least as much as faith. We hold onto these stories about who we are, who we aren't, what other people will think/say/do, and we live our lives as if these stories are reality. Only reality is reality, and it is heavily influenced by our openness to allow the experiences we'd like to have. The stories serve no purpose other than to constrain us. Shedding what wasn't serving me is exactly what got me here, and I have never felt more free.

As always, I appreciate you stretching yourself in the ways that you are and sharing the experiences here with us.

You're amazing. Never forget that.

[Sarah B]

Hi Lauren

One more day in the life of "Lauren" and all I can do is sit and read your adventures from here in the land down under.  I'm going to be the odd ball on this faith one, well in fact not really.  A long time ago in the dim recesses of my mind and not long after I changed my life around.

On my mind and I don't know how often these thoughts occurred I wondered how I should present myself.  Yes I was already presenting as female and that was not the problem.  I wondered how I could present myself as more feminine so as to ensure my femininity and one of the other things I did at the time I tended to look at the ground, I think, to avoid the gaze of others.

However, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind.  I said two things, lookup or hold your head up high and just be yourself.  Not try and be somebody else.  When I had this final thought which I'm sure I was walking in George Street, Sydney, I never had those thoughts ever again.

Lori also has said the same thing but in different words:

You are so right that you have to just be ok with being yourself. No pretenses, no trying to impress anyone. Just be you.

and

Just be you. That is all you need to be.

I never thought that, "Just be you" or "Just be yourself" was having faith in oneself and I don't see it as that, or maybe I do, but it is innate within me, if something needs to be done then I will do it.

As for clubbing, I'm sure you can go out on the dance floor and have a good rollicking good time, why?  Because as you say you have got to have faith in yourself and of course I have faith in you.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah @Lori Dee

[Lori Dee]

I never thought that, "Just be you" or "Just be yourself" was having faith in oneself and I don't see it as that, or maybe I do, but it is innate within me, if something needs to be done then I will do it.

I think you developed your faith in yourself at a much younger age. Once you see what needs to be done, you do it, and there's no looking back, because you know your decision was the right one. That is faith in your ability to make good decisions.

Faith eventually becomes knowledge, so it feels different than faith. Faith is the belief in something without evidence that it is true. As children, we were taught that 2 + 2 = 4. We took it on faith that this was true. Later, we learned the universal laws of mathematics, and we could prove that 2 + 2 = 4. Our faith that it was true became knowledge that it is so.

I think you moved from faith to knowledge very quickly without spending much time in the "gray area" of uncertainty. I admire that.

[Mariah]

Faith in yourself also results in confidence. This allows you to really shine and be able to whatever you set your mind to. I was just talking about this with my spouse who for the first time since transitioning is having to interview for jobs. For some that faith comes easily, but for others not so much. I'm very glad it was very easy for you @Sarah B. Hugs
Mariah

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

Faith refers to a personal belief or trust in something or someone, often without tangible evidence.  It is a deeply personal and subjective experience that can be independent of organized religious practices.

I never had that "personal belief", "trust in something" or "trust in someone" so there was no "tangible evidence" per se about me in regard to changing my life around.  It was never associated with "organized religious practices" either.

Faith gets used to describe trust without proof.  My path did not feel like that.  It felt practical.  I did not experience my life as a mismatch.  I did what I liked and I felt happy doing it.  Many of those choices were read as feminine and taken step by step until changing my life felt like the natural next step.  If that is confidence, it was quiet and innate.  I did not name it at the time.  I just kept following what proved true for me.

Also I never felt I was testing anything.  You could describe it that way in hindsight in the context of what I was doing.  To me it felt like growing.  Each step was natural then the next step followed until the shape of my life matched what already felt true.  I changed clothes, stepped out as Sarah, came home, took stock.  I did it again.  The result was simple.  I wanted more of that life, so I moved toward it.  Cause then effect.  Evidence then choice.  No mystery in the middle.

People sometimes call that confidence.  I did not name it that at the time.  It felt like task focus.  I saw what needed doing then I did it.  If a label fits later, fine, yet the label came after the work.  The doing built any confidence I had, not the other way around.

As I said earlier, I'm just an oddball about, "having faith in oneself".  I hear something different from my experience.  I did not rely on unseen assurances.  I relied on small steps that stacked up.  Two brief outings became a major clear direction.  Then in February 1989 I changed my life fully.

Since then the simple rule has held.  Just be me.  Others may call it faith.  I call it following what proved to be true all along for me which was being, a female.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Sephirah @Lori Dee @Mariah @Pema