"We proceeded on..."

[Chaunte]

I had a conversation with our Diversity Manager today.  Her job is to handle diversity & harassment issues within my school.  Part of her duties is to train staff members as well as the studetns.

Anyway, I told her that I might be giving her the biggest diversity issue she has ever handled in my school.  She gave me a slightly skeptical look and asked me to tell her more.  So I explained my situation to her and said that, assuming that I stay in my present position, I may be transitioning on the job.

Apparently, I am the first transgendered individual she has known.  Her basic reaction was, "This is cool!" (her words) and "I know next to nothing about ->-bleeped-<-.  Tell me more!"

We had a good conversation.  She was very open and accepting.  Somewhere in my stack of books to read over the summer is a book concerning transitioning at work.  I need to read that carefully myself and then lend it to her.

Besides creating a safety net at school, I also wanted to give her a heads-up prior to showing up in a skirt.  Besides educating herself, she needs to put together training for the faculty.  I figure that it will probably take a solid year for her to put that together and do a good job of it.

Another day.  Another step. 
To quote Lewis & Clark and the Corp of Discovery, "We proceeded on..."

Chaunte

[stephanie_craxford]

That's great news Chaunte.

While their are those who feel one should just simply come out at the work place and to heck with everyone else (just be you), and there may be merits to that but there are situations where that would not work and is fraught with danger such as us in our situation Chaunte, where we are dealing with school children/students and parents etc

People can get extremely uncomfortable where the words sexual (in any context) and children/students are concerned.  In my case I was also dealing with JK to grade 8, and red flags start going up everywhere.  Formally "Coming out" at work by informing, educating, and generally setting things up prior to the event will go along way in heading off potential controversy and loss of "Career" because you simply thought that an employer or other people should take you or leave you.  By not understanding your situation they could take the easy way out and leave you.

My coming out at work was extremely successful because I simply took the time and effort, as you are doing now.  It does give you a safety net, and it works.  There have been many phone calls from parents who are objecting to me having anything to do with their children, and want me fired.  Guess what, I'm still working, my employer, and the School Board is backing me 100%.

If you haven't already done so wou may wish to check out the Wiki article here.

Ya Chaunte you're doing good.

Steph

[Sheila]

Good job Chaunte :0)
   I would agree with Steph. but then again I just started working for the school district as a bus driver and I now have been there two years. I have had only one complaint and that was at first as the other drivers wanted to know which restroom I was going to use. Now, I had already had my surgery so I was complete. My manager talked to me and she told that I should use some of the single restrooms and not the regular one that was the two seater. I agreed, but it wasn't two weeks later and my manager called me in and told me that I could use any facility that I needed to use as long as it was the womans restroom ( I couldnt use the mens). LOL As far as parents go, no one has said anything and I'm totally known here in Eugene and Springfield. I do agree that slow is good and that it will be for the better. Once you have opened up the can of worms, things will happen faster. You might be transitioning faster than you want or maybe that would be something you do want.
Love Sheila

[Chaunte]

Stephanie & Sheila,

Thank you for your notes.

I agree that simply coming out would be disasterous.  A girlfriend of my suggested sitting down with my principals (I have both middle & high school students), my diversity manager and my union rep so everyone is on the same page.  (Of course, this is when/if I go full time.  {Though its sounding a lot more like "when" than "if."})

I am finding things are starting to accelerate in my life.  It's not out of my control, but it easily could be if I am not careful.  Somewhere over these past few weeks, I discovered that I have stopped running away from who I am.  I find that I have stopped being afraid.  Its as if I have brought the ship of my life about and set an intercept course for those fears that have haunted me these many years.  And this is what is accelerating events.

It is my Bridge.  I won't forget this lesson again.

Chaunte

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Maryanne Williamson

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom." Marilyn Ferguson

[LostInTime]

Sounds like you are keeping your wits about you.  It can be easy to get caught up in this sort of thing because many of us have run away for so long that we are ready to embrace and accelerate the change.

I started with HR, went up the ladder from there, and then a few weeks later everyone found out by a typed letter that was handed out.  Oh and I was the one who wrote the letter and the management approved it.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

[Chaunte]

I have added a few people to the in-the-know list.

One of them is a school counselor.  I know that she will be bombarded by questions from students, staff, parents and faculty alike.  Like my diversity manager, I thought she should know so that she can learn what she can.

A fellow teacher who saw a copy of my book with the author's name as Chaunte.  There was a photo of me on the back cover as well.  She was cool about it then and was cool when I came out to her.  (I suspected that she had HER suspicions, so I wanted to address them.)  We are already talking about fashions and what to wear.

Lastly, I came out to a fellow teacher in my department.  I decided that she would probably be the most accepting of anyone in the department.  Her eyes grew a little in size when I told her.  When she saw the one of me in my black dress and plum jacket, I thought her jaw was going to leave a hole in my floor.  WHen I do come out, I wantedsomeone in the department who was already in the loop and was on my side.  Everyone else tends to be a little ... well ... conservative around this.  They are okay as long as it doesn't affect them.  My coming out will have a profound impact on them.

We proceeded on...

Chaunte

[Annie Social]

I can only wish that I worked for a large corporation with an HR department... the company I work for is owned and run (as a monarchy!) by two brothers, both seemingly very right-wing. I don't have much hope of being able to transition in place, which is why I'm desperately looking for another employer, but I'm quickly approaching the point of being unable to hide who I am, and I may be forced to make the attempt.

I've gotten a lot of good information from the Wiki, but does anyone have any suggestions or experience (good or bad!) in coming out in that kind of environment?

Annie

[Melissa]

I got a job with a medium sized corporation with an HR department.  While interviewing, I decided not to hide myself.  I went in with long hair and wearing a bra and got the job.  Since then, I have redyed my hair, got it cut more feminine, let it grow longer, and had my breasts get bigger.  I'm hoping that it doesn't come out as too big of a surprise when I do give the big announcement.  I also found out that the HR person works out of a location in the bay area.  Everything is looking good so far.

Now, I'm not sure how many people work at your company, but unless they are pretty liberal, you may already be taking the best course of action by trying to find a new job.  Perhaps once you secure a new job, you can come out and see how well it takes.  Then you could either turn down the new job if transitioning is ok, or you could go to the new job and hope for the best.  Of course if you are looking for a new job as "Annie", then nobody will know the old you and you will have an advantage there.

Melissa

[Chaunte]

I can only wish that I worked for a large corporation with an HR department... the company I work for is owned and run (as a monarchy!) by two brothers, both seemingly very right-wing. I don't have much hope of being able to transition in place, which is why I'm desperately looking for another employer, but I'm quickly approaching the point of being unable to hide who I am, and I may be forced to make the attempt.

I've gotten a lot of good information from the Wiki, but does anyone have any suggestions or experience (good or bad!) in coming out in that kind of environment?

Annie

Annie,

I would find an attorney that specializes in LGBT law.  You might want to contact the Silva Rivera Project in NYC.  They can help stear you towards a law firm near you that specializes in LGBT law.  That is what I did to find my attorney.

I don't know where you live, but we are still protected under the 1964 Civil Rights Bill.  Here in NYS, transgendered people are not protected under state law while the lesbien, gay and bisexual communities are specifically protected.  My attorney said that there is ample existing law where we could challenge an employer for discrimination and win.

If you have difficulty finding an attorney, contact me offline.

Chaunte

Isn't it amazing what we have to learn so that transitioning is successful?  Besides learning how to correctly present our true gender, we need to learn law, psychology, biology, chemistry and Lord know what else! 

[Annie Social]

Melissa, my company has a total of 11 employees, including the wife of one of the owners. I'm not particularly worried about mmy co-workers; I know some would be supportive and assume a few would have problems with it. It's the owners themselves that I'm worried about.

Of course if you are looking for a new job as "Annie", then nobody will know the old you and you will have an advantage there.

That is exactly what I'm doing; it seems pointless to find a new job where I would have the same uncertainties  that I'm facing now.

Chaunte, I'm in Florida, and the legal protections here are pretty much non-existant. I've heard various opinions as to how effective it would be to claim discrimination under the Civil Rights Act of 1964; it has gone both ways in the courts.

At any rate, I see legal action as a last resort. I will consult an attorney before taking any steps, but the idea of continuing to work there under the threat of legal action hardly seems an attractive option! Despite the legalities, we all know how easy it is to make someone's life miserable.

Isn't it amazing what we have to learn so that transitioning is successful?  Besides learning how to correctly present our true gender, we need to learn law, psychology, biology, chemistry and Lord know what else! 

No kidding... I already feel I could write a doctoral thesis!

Annie

[Sheila]

Annie,
  Don't give up the ship so fast. If you assume something, you may be wrong. You would be surprised at what people think. How well do you get along with the owners? If they think you are a valued employee they will keep you as it costs a lot of money to retrain someone and to find the right person for the job. So, don't assume anything until you have a diffinite answer.
Sheila

[Annie Social]

Sheila, I'm not giving up, just trying to be prepared for the worst case. It would really surprise me if they allowed me to stay, but I've been surprised before! I don't think they would fire me on the spot, as they need me pretty badly right now (the one other person who did what I do left the company several months ago). My fear is that they would allow me to stay on at first, then dump me as soon as they could find a replacement (and after I had turned down any other offer).

Of course, this is all further complicated by my too-quickly-changing physical appearance and my already-stretched-thin ability to keep up the charade without going postal. It gets old, getting into male drag every weekday morning, and removing my nail polish every Sunday night has become a seriously depressing occasion.

Annie

[Chaunte]

Sheila, I'm not giving up, just trying to be prepared for the worst case. It would really surprise me if they allowed me to stay, but I've been surprised before! I don't think they would fire me on the spot, as they need me pretty badly right now (the one other person who did what I do left the company several months ago). My fear is that they would allow me to stay on at first, then dump me as soon as they could find a replacement (and after I had turned down any other offer).

Of course, this is all further complicated by my too-quickly-changing physical appearance and my already-stretched-thin ability to keep up the charade without going postal. It gets old, getting into male drag every weekday morning, and removing my nail polish every Sunday night has become a seriously depressing occasion.

Annie

Annie,

Do I ever feel your stress in trying to transition between our true selves and the male drag we have to face every workday!  Some days it is almost impossible to keep this up, but I know I have to at the moment.

I gave a copy of Transsexual Workers: An Employer's Guide by Janis Walworth to my diversity manager.  It's available at Amazon for only $13.  It's a few years old, but it presents a lot of good information that an employer needs.  Besides, having Annie on staff should be a plus in the eyes of EEOC!

I agree that the threat of a lawsuit does not make for a happy workplace.  My thought is that you know what your rights actually are.  Once you find an attorney, you might want to consider coming out at your present job.  Take a look at the Wiki on Coming Out and a thumb-through of the book I suggested above.  Both have lots of ways on how to make this a successful transition for everyone.

++++++

Quick side note.  I contaced the JAG for CAP (the US Air Force Civilian Auxiliery) in regards to retaining my membership.  Given the "Don't ask.  Don't tell." policy in the U. S. military, I fully expected to be told that I could not retain my membership.

His reply started out with, "You are not the first CAP member with this issue and frankly, I've lost count of the number and of the locations.  I consider it a personal private matter and just don't make an effort to remember what's going on with who or where."

It looks like I will get to retain my "railroad tracks!"  At one time, I was eligible for my gold oak leaves, but didn't pursue it.  Being a volunteer organization, rank is more a merit badge than anything else.  Besides, this wannabe starship commander likes being addressed as Captain. 

[Jillieann Rose]

Wow,
You sound like you getting it all together.
I'm happy for you.
Me, I just want to move away and start over. That way I am just a woman to all.
Anyway keep going girl.

Jillieann

[Annie Social]

It looks like I will get to retain my "railroad tracks!"  At one time, I was eligible for my gold oak leaves, but didn't pursue it.  Being a volunteer organization, rank is more a merit badge than anything else.  Besides, this wannabe starship commander likes being addressed as Captain. 

That's pretty cool! The CAP seems like a good organization; I was never an actual member, but volunteered to fly a few searches under their direction. Bright people, and very professional.

Anyway, congratulations, Captain!

Annie

[Melissa]

Besides learning how to correctly present our true gender, we need to learn law, psychology, biology, chemistry and Lord know what else!

  That's so funny.  Fortunately learning new things is a strong point of mine.  Oh, let's not forget stuff like lingual accoustics, anatomy, a variety of surgical procedures, philosophy, and sociology.

Melissa

[Annie Social]

There is one small community just a few miles from me, Gulfport, that has enacted a ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender indentity; unfortunately, it's so small that there are no potential employers in my field located there!

Annie