I didn't find her post offensive, screamingly or even whisperingly.
I do and have worked with people who say they are gonna kill themselves, try to kill themselves and have killed themselves. And she is absolutely right about at least this much, as was tekla: if someone is in trouble they need someone who has a clue what they are doing to 'chat them down.'
Most successful suicides do not tell people when they are going to make their attempts. Often, that is why they are successful. Yet, many who make proclamations eventually stop making the proclamations and actually then do commit suicide.
Generally people who say they are going to are reaching toward some sort of relationship. They wish to know they are not alone and are appreciated for whom they may be, however fouled up that might seem.
I personally find it sad that we have reached a state in our world where pixels on a screen can be readily mistaken for 'people in relationship.' There is so much more to relationship than the writing of posts back and forth on internet.
But, regardless that, people do reach for relationship with others here, knowing that there are real people behind those pixels and they can imagine what and how those people are. So, they wish to be held and cared for, to know that they are not simply lone voices echoing in the dark and deserted alleys they imagine they inhabit.
And sometimes to reach out, even in pixels, is enough to reassure them that they are not meaningless. Suicide and despair are either twin-bothers or twin-sisters. They can appear to be rather seductive at times. They can hold you long enough that you imagine there is comfort and peace in their arms. And so, there may be.
If someone says they are going to commit suicide, outside of hospitals, there are a couple of immediate interventions that everywhere else in the profession uses most of the time. 1) Call the local mobile-crisis unit & 2) call the police to support and assist the crisis-team. Of course to do those things one must know where the person is when they are saying they are contemplating the suicide and 3) a risk-assessment must be made as well.
On a BB there is very little way that someone is going to be able to pin-point the location of the distraught person. So, 1) & 2) are generally not options. 3) is also problematic. How do I tell the difference between a 'lark- post' by someone wanting to find out if others will respond and how and the real statement of fact?
These are not easy calls to make, and as Audrey so very well pointed out there are other factors that may intrude as well, such as how the statement itself may 'trigger' unpleasant memories and reactions from others. Very like the ones that Audrey herself appears to have triggered from some posters in this thread.
Yet, what has she really said that seems so hurtful? That there are ways that someone might alleviate their own suicidal ideations? That is often accepted practice. The goal of cognitive-behavioral therapy and most of its off-shoots is to teach people to examine their own distorted thoughts: 'I am no good.' And then to find the flaws in that thought. Discover how to sooth the feelings that the thought gives rise to and to invent specific actions that can help the thinker realize the mistaken notion of their thoughts.
The goal of the therapy is that the patient becomes self-soothing and her own therapist. At least according to Judith Beck who wrote the book and whose father founded the school of therapy.
All interactions are complex. There are threads over threads and patterns within patterns that we may very well not see or be aware of. Universe is a web. What touches one of us resonates throughout the web and in some way touches us all.
Understanding that seems to be a first step in understanding that I am never as alone as I may think. Never as independent as I act. Never as heartless and cruel or as emotional and silly as I may feel or seem.
As a point of discussion, I think Audrey has done us all a service if we gave a moment or two to actually considering what she said rather than simply reacting to it.
Nichole
