F2M'S Dating M2F's - Your Experiences?

[Teri Anne]

After becoming a "postie," I tried dating a variety of people in the gender spectrum:

(1) MEN
While I treasure how "female" dating a man made me feel, most were too sexually aggressive for me.  I stated that I wanted to start out as friends but few men respected my desire.  They wanted something more.  I'll confess that I'm not crazy about sex because (1) I'm not good at it and, perhaps because of that, (2) I have little interest.  I love hugging and being close but I had one man complain, "I'm not a teddy bear!"

(2) WOMEN
Dating women felt more natural to me because they didn't mind hugging.  Since becoming a "postie" child, I've mainly dated lesbians because I'm so used to women.  It feels comfortable.  Unfortunately, after the lesbians found out I had a (male) past, they were otta there.  There are probably possibilities there but, so far, no connection.

(3) M2F
I once had an M2F friend over to my place and I began to sense that she was looking at me with more than a friend's eyes.  I had no interest in M2F's.  I can't explain why.  It's like trying to explain why you don't like a certain food.  Or maybe I saw their flaws as my flaws:  For example, I noticed that no matter how pretty their face was, they, like me, would never have the hourglass waist typical of GG's.

(4) F2M
My last attempt in the gender spectrum was interesting and informative.  While I had protested to my electrologist that I would never date a transsexual, I had the chance, a few months ago, to date an F2M.  I was surprised that the relationship didn't cause any alarms to ring.  Things that the F2M's would consider a hinderance (like hourglass figures) made me MORE attracted to them.  I began theorizing that in some crazy way in the scheme of life, maybe this was the way it was meant to be.  Here was a person who understood the joys and angst of transition.  Here was a person who was female once so those parts in him made me feel comfortable.  His manly take charge attitude, while respectful of my needs, pleased me.  I began thinking that this person was an idealized version of the male I used to be -- a sensitive male.

Unfortunately, he left town before I really could make up my mind about it.  I've always said, when people ask me which I prefer, that it doesn't matter.  It's what's inside that counts.

I was wondering what experiences, if any, F2M's have with dating M2F's (or vice versa).

Thanks in advance,
Teri Anne

[Dennis]

I haven't dated anyone since my marriage broke up a year and a half ago. I'm getting to the stage where I might be ready, but not there yet. Some of it is still body dysphoria. While I like the changes that have happened so far, the fewer clothes I'm wearing, the less happy I am.

I wouldn't rule anything out when I start dating, though. I think relationship-wise, I am most likely to end up with a woman, be she bio or MtF. I have noticed slightly more bisexual tendencies since starting testosterone than I thought I had, but I still can't see a relationship with a guy.

Edit: oh, and I don't have an hourglass shape by any means. My waist measurement exceeds my hip measurement by more than a few inches (yay for testosterone-induced spare tire).

Dennis

[Teri Anne]

Thanks for responding to my post, Dennis.  You stated you're feeling "body dysphoria" and you're feeling less happy as time passes.  I know you've mentioned, in the other posts, an uncomfortable feeling of not knowing by automatic instinct how men act.  Shouldn't time passage HELP with the process on how to act instinctively?  Shouldn't time passage HELP dissipate your "body dysphoria?"  But you say you're feeling "less happy?"

Being you seem to be evolving into a heterosexual male, what gender did you date pre-transition?   

I've sometimes wondered if a bi woman would be more open to what I am.  She would see a little of both genders in me and not be repulsed by either.

BTW, Dennis.  Parts of your previous posts and this one (wherein you applauded your "testosterone-induced spare tire") made me smile.  I've often heard that a big turn-on to women is man's sense of humor.  I think you're going to be very popular.

Teri Anne

[Dennis]

No no no, I'm not feeling less happy as time passes, I'm feeling more happy as time passes. I'm less happy with my body when I'm wearing fewer clothes. Dating tending to involve some nudity at some stage, I've shied away from it for now. I like to keep my clothes on. Makes me feel more like a whole man. I used to have body dysphoria even when I was dressed, now I don't have it at all when I'm fully dressed or walking around with my shirt off. So it's a huge improvement. Just that I ain't ready to get nekkid yet.

And the social stuff, I'm getting more comfortable with it and getting more used to it. I just sometimes get surprised by what is instinctive and natural for male-born men that I still have to learn. The handshake thing is one. They shake hands much more often than women do. Almost as often as dogs sniff each other's butts. Seems to be as a response to the same situations as dogs sniff butts too. Perhaps I'll just watch my dog and see if I can pick up a few pointers. Must remember to translate that to handshaking though.

Pre-transition, I dated exclusively women and had a complete aversion to men. The latter is what has changed a bit. I still wouldn't say I'm attracted to men though.

Thanks for the vote of confidence about sense of humour, cause I sure ain't tall, dark or handsome. Or rich enough to forgive the lack of height, darkness, or handsomeness. Cute's about the best I can manage.

Dennis

[Teri Anne]

I'm glad you're feeling better as time passes - thanx for clearing that up.  You seem to have remained being sexually attracted to the same gender you preferred pre-transition.  I tried dating a variety in the gender spectrum but, I admit, I feel more COMFORTABLE with what I'm used to.

As to your dog, I think you should look elsewhere for pointers.  The last thing we want to hear is that you've started "spotting" your territory, chewing your shoes or howling at the moon...

"Aaaaooooo!"

"Bad dog!"

Teri Anne

[Kimberly]

My dating experience is basically null, but I have noticed my attraction to guys is based much more on who they are (mentally I mean) than appearances.

...
I've sometimes wondered if a bi woman would be more open to what I am.  She would see a little of both genders in me and not be repulsed by either.
...

Oddly enough I've thought similar in regards to a cross-dresser husband, but rather in what I want to see in them.

In the same vein my attraction (as the 'bi woman') to a M2F I think depends to much on her... as we all know we are all pretty dissimilar.



P.s. Cute > tall

[Melissa]

I've sometimes wondered if a bi woman would be more open to what I am.  She would see a little of both genders in me and not be repulsed by either.

Yes they are.  That's why me and my wife are still together.

Melissa

[HelenW]

"Perhaps I'll just watch my dog and see if I can pick up a few pointers. Must remember to translate that to handshaking though."


Dennis,

I'm dyin' here - R O T F L M A O!

(imagining what might - oh gosh here I go again! )

helen

[unicorn]

Hey Terri Anne,
well, as time goes by and I'm moving forward towards the possibility of transitioning more and more... I guess you could consider me an ftm dating and mtf. Of course we're both pre / (she almost in ) transition... but it works pretty well, in spite of the obvious alarm bells you might expect... though I am interested in dating both genders anyway, the weirdness of dating someone who wnats to do to their body the exact opposite of what you want... it is confusing sometimes, but we also understand each other's TG situation very well and that helps.
I do have body-dysphoria issues, and this is sometimes hard fro Mariska.. Much of the time we are both surprised how little bodies can matter when you completely understand each other and you can really see the other person for who they really are... and know yourself to be seen for who you really are...
but it is difficult. I'm going through a stone butch "don't touch me" phase currently and that confused Mariska who feels rejected...
still understanding each other's TG, and being able to talk about this openly, - we talk a LOT-... that is great, and helps a lot to deal with the dysphoria, for both of us.

making any sense??

x
Alex

[mariska]

yes to me it makes sense,

and however i want to be huged by Alex i can understand these feelings at laest i try to

[Teri Anne]

Hi, Alex,
Interesting, what you two are doing.  I've often hoped that a better way around a couple, like you two, would be brain transplants instead of the time consuming, painful and not perfect results we get by today's methods.  Oh, well.  I'm glad you two found each other.  It's great to have someone who can relate to what you're going through w/ gender dysphoria.  I'm sure most people think, "Huh?"  You are going in the direction that was meant for you.

Good luck to you both!  I'm happy for you.

Teri Anne

[unicorn]

Yes, Teri Anne,
you're right, brain transplants would be better in theory ...  some of the leading surgeons of the Genderteam here have said the same thing... but then... it would be the right type of body but not yours... would that not lead to a different kind of dysphoria? Like, I'd rather be disfigured for life than have a facial transplant and wear someone else's face for the rest of my life...

and yeah, some people do say 'huh?' about, but we also get some really cool reactions, so far ... though there's a bunch of people in both our lives who are not ready for this news yet, so, we'll see how that goes in  the future...

to Mariska: I know and thank you. {{hugs}}

x
Alex

[Nero]

Things that the F2Ms would consider a hinderance (like hourglass figures) made me MORE attracted to them.

It's great you're attracted to us, but F2Ms have hourglass figures?
That's news to me.

Nero

[Dennis]

Heh, yeah, I haven't seen too many with hourglass figures except maybe early in transition.

Dennis

[Melissa]

To me, the fact that most of them lack male genitals, makes them more attractive to me than Genetic Males.  But, that's just me.

Melissa

[Nero]

Melissa,
You sound like my mom. She says,"I love men, but the penis is just such an unattractive appendage, well, I just don't look at it for too long."

Nero

[Chynna]

FtM dating MtF

My best friend is a  (extremely attractive) MtF transexual her mate or husband for the past 4yrs as been a FtM Transexual (also equal attractive but more so with the muscle thing)

Anyway,
She always considered that a no-no in her book Util she confided in me that she was sexual attract to HIM but she still had hang-ups because in her Eyes she knew "he didn't have the right equipment for her"
I simply told her if your attracted to him sexual and there's an obvious mental connection between the 2 of you  say "go for it girl and have some fun" Thinking that it was just going to be a fling between the two of them but I mean WOW they been together for 4yrs and have a little girl (that was a wierd pregnancy)LOL but it can and does work....She states "After 40 years of dating men I turn out in a real heterosexual relationship!"
PS she is a post op but identifies her self as a gay male first and transexual second.

As for me...I take all individuals as they come gender and sex mean absolutely nothing to me in the respects of whom I'm attracted to It's all 95% a mental thingy....Although I would prefer an individual who has an appendage that pokes me when I hug them! But I know some FtM MEN who do!!!
So for me once I have a mental conection the physical (sex) aspect of the relationship just falls into place nicely!

A mytery, surrounded by an Enigma, shrouded in Anonymity
Chynna

[Mario]

Tinkerbell,
     I am perplexed! I thoughtyou would have said "yes" for sure.

                                  Marco

[Robyn]

My FTM husband and I (MTF) have been married for 6 1/2 years.  We married before either of us had surgery.  It has worked very well for us. 

We know several other MTF/FTM couples.  Two didn't work out - including one high profile couple - but after all is said and done, we are regular people with regular problems.

We'll be at the FTM Gender Odyssey in Seattle in a couple of weeks.  I'll be on the lookout for "mixed" couples.

Robyn

[Dennis]

Heh, wish I could go to Gender Odyssey, but second year in a row my plans have been foiled by the Canadian Government. Last year it was because I had submitted my citizenship card for change and it took 10 months to get back to me. Now I had to submit the card, which I finally got, to get a new passport, which I won't have by labour day. Gah!

Dent