Transsexuals will Transition!

[stephanie_craxford]

Steph

Personally I believe that if you are a transsexual then you must, and will transition no matter what or die trying.  A transsexual would not doubt this or not transition because of fear, or the the fear of regret.  I believe that to not transition would be a death sentence to a transsexual, as that person would be condemned to live their life of misery.

Steph, I've been reading your posts for a year and usually you give INCREDIBLY insightful advice.

All I have to say regarding this advice is, you knew you were a TS when you were young. You went into denial and tried to live your life as a male for what 40? 45? years.

You didn't transition for precisely the reasons you listed in your quote, and yet you are still TS and would have been considered TS had you gone into therapy at 30, right?
So, why didn't you transition when you were 18? 25? 30? prior to when you did?
Fear?
Regret?
Shame?

... The same reasons you listed above.

And yet, you still would be considered TS, even when you were in denial

Have you come so far that you have forgotten what it was like?

Jessica

Hello Jessica.

Thanks so much for your comments and insight.  What you say is quite true Jessica, however while I knew that there was something different about me at an early age, I didn't realise what it was until much later in life that I was TS.  When I was young I had no idea what was wrong with me other than there was something different, I didn't even know what TS was.  Like many here I started cross-dressing, and those activities became so prevalent later in life that I knew that there was something wrong with me, something other than wanting to "dress".  It took a while to figure it out but when I did, transition and everything associated with it started.

I began to self mutilate those offending parts and tried many ways to fix what was obviously a huge mistake.  Yes I did stupid things but I got myself on track.  I quickly ended my career in the military, came out, almost lost my family, and I was only just recently reunited with my daughter.  The fear was always there, and it's rears it's head every now and then, but shame and regret were never apart of my decision.

I'm really surprised that this topic was resurrected as there was very heated debate over the whole issue of my beliefs and many, many Pm's exchanged with those involved.

I still hold to my beliefs that

Personally I believe that if you are a transsexual then you must, and will transition no matter what or die trying.  A transsexual would not doubt this or not transition because of fear, or the the fear of regret.  I believe that to not transition would be a death sentence to a transsexual, as that person would be condemned to live their life of misery.

I realise that my words my offend some and get the "backs up" with others, but I calls them as I see's them.  When it comes to TS I do not try to sugar coat anything with a "You go girls" type of thing as this can be a life threatening issue for those involved.

Again, I will say to all those who read my words that I did not write them to offend, I wrote them to discribe how I see who and what a TS is.  Just simply the courage of my convictions.

Steph

[Melissa]

...while I knew that there was something different about me at an early age, I didn't realise what it was until much later in life that I was TS.  When I was young I had no idea what was wrong with me other than there was something different, I didn't even know what TS was.  Like many here I started cross-dressing, and those activities became so prevalent later in life that I knew that there was something wrong with me, something other than wanting to "dress".  It took a while to figure it out but when I did, transition and everything associated with it started.

That statement echos my own life oh so well.  In fact, it was here at Susans that helped me figure most of it out.  I had know idea what TS was or that I was TS until last year.  Transition started shortly after, as I knew there was finally something I could do about how I felt.  I think in general, your quote below rings true.

Personally I believe that if you are a transsexual then you must, and will transition no matter what or die trying.  A transsexual would not doubt this or not transition because of fear, or the the fear of regret.  I believe that to not transition would be a death sentence to a transsexual, as that person would be condemned to live their life of misery.

I just didn't put up as much resistance as some people do.  I may have waited until much later in life if I had not had the internet available to me, so I understand why it took you so long.

Melissa

[Jessica]

...very heated debate over the whole issue of my beliefs...

*smiles*
Those are your beliefs and you hold a great deal of conviction regarding those beliefs. I respect your right to hold those beliefs and the conviction you hold in them; so, no heated debate from me. 

I hold my own beliefs that many others disagree with, and you may have challenged them, but you have never denied my right to hold them, and while some have told me they are unacceptable beliefs, you have never been among them.

*hugs*
Jessica

[Sheila]

Steph,
   While not trying to start anything and they are my beliefs too. I will agree with you on this subject. There are different reasons why a person can not change but for the most part I think that if you are TS, you will want surgery. Now, I think there are differences in how people define Transsexual, and I think that has a lot to do with it. Like Steph, I didn't know the terms of who I was or that you could even change genders. It wasn't until I got my first computer that I learned a lot. I found Susan's during this time and a few others and read all I could from the websites. I belong to another website called Michelle (spelling) and she helped me along. I found out who I was, which I knew all ready just needed some confirmation. I would have done it when I was younger if there was a computer then and if I would have liked to read books. I worked too much. I'm open to all who are who they are and I congradulate all in finding themselves. I will not pass judgement on this subject. This is my opinion.
Sheila

[stephanie_craxford]

Steph,
   While not trying to start anything and they are my beliefs too. I will agree with you on this subject. There are different reasons why a person can not change but for the most part I think that if you are TS, you will want surgery. Now, I think there are differences in how people define Transsexual, and I think that has a lot to do with it. ..... This is my opinion.
Sheila

You make great points Sheila.  When it comes down to definitions I myself like to stick with those listed in the DSM.  Yes, some may think that as being pretty rigid but it's what I believe and feel.

Steph

[Emerald]

This thread started with the opinion that those who are Transsexual must, and will transition... or die trying.

I have noticed that there is presently a huge amount of self analyzing going on for those who have doubts, regrets, and/or fears to do with transitioning.   There are even those who have said that they have "toyed" with the idea of transitioning and I find that in itself a little odd to say the least.  It is interesting that there are many different life situations being discussed that have contributed to those doubts, regrets and fears, and it seems that this is being done  in order to rationalize reasons not to transition.

Personally I believe that if you are a transsexual then you must, and will transition no matter what or die trying.  A transsexual would not doubt this or not transition because of fear, or the the fear of regret.  I believe that to not transition would be a death sentence to a transsexual, as that person would be condemned to live their life of misery.

Steph

The fact is, such an opinion is far from being fact!
It is true for some, true for you dear Steph, but not true for all.

Being TS/GID is about dealing with misery - Oh yes, I agree! Dysphoria is about immense unhappiness, the very opposite of euphoria.
Something is wrong, wrong, wrong... very wrong.
How can the TS/GID individual best be helped?
For some, the answer is to risk all, focus all their energies toward SRS and everything - ANYTHING - transition requires. Nothing less than complete transition will relieve the misery -EVER-.

For the lucky others diagnosed with TS/GID, that energy is put into creative coping skills. Many are wonderfully successful with this!

There is another solution that will help. One that anyone can be part of... One we often forget about.... We can change society! We can change how gender is viewed!  Transsexuals that live in more accepting and/or enlightened cultures have less dysphoria and are much happier with their bodies and lives. Everyone wins! 

It can be argued that SRS/transition is just one of many different coping mechanisms for GID. One of the most extreme to be sure! (Short of self-harm and suicide.) SRS and HRT are recent developments providing options for those with acute GID. Do you not wonder how people in the past dealt with gender dysphoria? They didn't all cut, castrate, or kill themselves!

When it comes down to definitions I myself like to stick with those listed in the DSM.  Yes, some may think that as being pretty rigid but it's what I believe and feel.

Steph

But Steph, the DSM is not a dictionary. It does not contain any definition of 'Transsexual'. The DSM is a diagnostic aide relying heavily on compiled clinical data and indirectly reflects the sociocultural environment of the times. True, it does outline diagnostic criteria for a coded classification of GID. DSM stands for "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders". The DSM is intended for use by mental health professionals, and for use in research and administration. Appropriate use of the diagnostic criteria requires extensive clinical training, and its contents "cannot simply be applied in a cookbook fashion". It does not list any treatment for GID or any other disorder. The current DSM-IV will be revised, updated and published as the DSM-V in 2011. I expect many happy changes in the new GID section - to include GID not being mentioned at all! Homosexuality was included in the DSM until 1980.

Let's think about that... Currently GID is listed as a mental disorder.  Hmm... I'll not make the DSM my TS Bible!

So anyhow, let us find a proper definition for 'Transsexual' :

- The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary -
n.1. A person with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex.
   2. A person who has undergone a sex change.

- Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary -
Transsexual: n. A person who has a psychological urge to belong to the opposite sex and to live as a member of the opposite sex and who may be motivated by the urge to acquire the necessary physical appearance (as by surgery or hormone use) or to adopt the social role typical of the opposite sex.

- The American Heritage® Dictionary -
n.1. One who wishes to be considered by society as a member of the opposite sex.
   2. One who has undergone a sex change.

My bottom line: There are choices for those who are Transsexual besides 'transition or die'. Transsexuality does not always require transition. Transition is what SOME Transsexuals will do.

"When all you have in your toolbox is hammers, all your problems look like nails."
-Emerald 

[stephanie_craxford]

And these are your beliefs Em.

In my comments I did say that "Personally I believe" so these are my personal views I do not profess them to be fact.  And just to clarify a little further in that I do say that a TS will "transition" I do not say that they will have SRS, or even start/complete HRT, but that a person will transition, or have a compelling need to transition if they are TS.  If they don't then may be they are not TS.

There is another solution that will help. One that anyone can be part of... One we often forget about.... We can change society! We can change how gender is viewed!  Transsexuals that live in more accepting and/or enlightened cultures have less dysphoria and are much happier with their bodies and lives. Everyone wins!

I agree, this is one of the best ways to help solve many of the problems encountered by TS.  I my self have done much, well as much as I can in my own city and area with speaking engagements to both students and medical professionals covering the whole TS spectrum from "I am not a man wearing a dress" to very personal life issues.  Education is key, I just wish that more TS would do it, but it is our nature that when transition is complete that we tend to go deep stealth, or at least try to.

It can be argued that SRS/transition is just one of many different coping mechanisms for GID. One of the most extreme to be sure! (Short of self-harm and suicide.) SRS and HRT are recent developments providing options for those with acute GID. Do you not wonder how people in the past dealt with gender dysphoria? They didn't all cut, castrate, or kill themselves!

However I would dispute that SRS is transition, I would agree that transition is a relative term, and I would agree that SRS is a part of, or can be a part of transition.  Remember that SRS is not always medically possible.  Additionally I do not think that many TS in the past would "cut, castrate, or kill themselves", some obviously, (I tried myself) but I imagine they lived a painful life none the less.

And I miss spoke when I said "When it comes down to definitions I myself like to stick with those listed in the DSM."  I should have referred to the SOC not the DSM, sorry for that.

Isn't debate wonderful, exasperating, but wonderful

Steph

[Kimberly]

As near as I can tell we would seem to need another word. It seems to me that "transition" is so often taken to mean "HRT + probable surgeries". However, to me 'transition' starts when we first realize we are not what the figurative packing label says we are. Or said another way when we first realize we are TG we start to cope and come to terms with that. I call that 'transition' because we start to transition mentally from that point. As far as I know anyway and certainly in my own case.  To be clear, I define 'transition' as the whole realization/coping process right down to finding happiness or at least an end or a way to dull the pain by whatever means.

So by the definition I use, a TS WILL transition. An technically so will any TG.

^*shrug*

Semantics I suppose.

[Emerald]

Oh, it's not really my belief Steph, I think I may qualify as an unbiased witness! Remember, I'm an androgyne with no personal gender irons in this fire. And yes, I agree, transition may or may not include SRS or HRT. 

Viewing the HBIGDA 'Standards Of Care' Version 6, 2001 (SOC) still I could not find a definition of 'Transsexual'. But, there is a diagnosis...
Transsexualism (F64.0) has three criteria:
   1. The desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by the wish to make his or her body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatment;
   2. The transsexual identity has been present persistently for at least two years;
   3. The disorder is not a symptom of another mental disorder or a chromosomal abnormality.

As for whether or not one transitions, the SOC has this to say:
After the diagnosis of GID is made the therapeutic approach usually includes three elements or phases (sometimes labeled triadic therapy): a real-life experience in the desired role, hormones of the desired gender, and surgery to change the genitalia and other sex characteristics.  Five less firmly scientifically established observations prevent clinicians from prescribing the triadic therapy based on diagnosis alone:
1) some carefully diagnosed persons spontaneously change their aspirations;
2) others make more comfortable accommodations to their gender identities without medical interventions;
3) others give up their wish to follow the triadic sequence during psychotherapy;
4) some gender identity clinics have an unexplained high drop out rate; and
5) the percentage of persons who are not benefited from the triadic therapy varies significantly from study to study.

Many persons with GID will desire all three elements of triadic therapy.  Typically, triadic therapy takes place in the order of hormones ==> real-life experience ==> surgery, or sometimes: real-life experience ==> hormones ==> surgery.  For some biologic females, the preferred sequence may be hormones ==> breast surgery ==> real-life experience.  However, the diagnosis of GID invites the consideration of a variety of therapeutic options, only one of which is the complete therapeutic triad.  Clinicians have increasingly become aware that not all persons with gender identity disorders need or want all three elements of triadic therapy.

From Wikipedia comes a most excellent definition for 'Transition':
Transitioning is the process of ceasing to live in one gender role and starting to live in another, undertaken by transgender and transsexual people.

Transitioning usually happens before any sex reassignment surgery, and in some cases even before any hormone replacement therapy. Transitioning often marks the start of the real life experience which is usually required for SRS.

Many people also use the term 'transitioning' to refer to the entire transgender/transsexual process (from living 24/7 in the original gender role to after surgery). The beginning of the real life experience is then often called 'going fulltime' (i.e. starting to live 24/7 in the opposite gender role).

Transitioning can involve sex reassignment therapy, name changes, wearing clothing seen as gender appropriate or the use of make-up, and generally coming out of the Closet.

This is not the Tower of Babel, it's a TG Support Forum! 
-Emerald 

[stephanie_craxford]

Exactly Em.

I just want to restate my position on this topic I started and that is:

I have noticed that there is presently a huge amount of self analyzing going on for those who have doubts, regrets, and/or fears to do with transitioning.   There are even those who have said that they have "toyed" with the idea of transitioning and I find that in itself a little odd to say the least.  It is interesting that there are many different life situations being discussed that have contributed to those doubts, regrets and fears, and it seems that this is being done  in order to rationalize reasons not to transition.

Personally I believe that if you are a transsexual then you must, and will transition no matter what or die trying.  A transsexual would not doubt this or not transition because of fear, or the the fear of regret.  I believe that to not transition would be a death sentence to a transsexual, as that person would be condemned to live their life of misery.

As I've said through out the tread, these are my beliefs, and I would not expect or require anyone else to understand these feelings wether they were a part of the TG community or on the outside looking in, just as I don't understand what compels a CD/TV/IS or whatever.  This is who and what I am.  May be the words "or die trying" are a little dramatic, but they emphasize the calamity and torment TS find themselves having to endure everyday of their life until transition is complete.  And before anyone say's it... yes! but when is transition complete???

It is also interesting to note how none TS see our plight, just as therapists evaluate and explain why we "are", so do others.  Yes there are theories abound but in the end, when all is said and done it is me who has to live my life and I have no choice if i wish to live in peace as to live in torment would be the same as dying.

My feelings

Steph

[cindianna_jones]

When I went through it all, information was practically non existent.  I pretty much ran blind and on my own for quite a while.  My therapy was pretty much none until a week or two before I went full time.  I did not know about standards of care. I only knew I was doing what had to be done. Oh... had I a resource like this forum.  It could have helped so much. 

[stephanie_craxford]

This is not the Tower of Babel, it's a TG Support Forum! 

    Of course this is not the Tower of Babel, of course it is a support forum, I have never stated otherwise.  I am simply stating what "I believe".  Hmmmmm it seems you are implying that I am not being supportive, and I fail to see where I have not been supportive.   Yes this is a support forum, but telling people "you go girl" and everything nice, and sugar and spice, and not the truth, is not support.

Now I'm grumpy, and it's Friday... I need a holiday from all this

Chat later

Steph

[cindianna_jones]

This is not the Tower of Babel, it's a TG Support Forum! 

Now I'm grumpy, and it's Friday... I need a holiday from all this

Chat later

Steph

The constant binder
continuous reminder
of that which
we'd rather forget.

It opresses,
confesses
issues,
drives us in debt.

Weekend is hear
run away
live for the day
a day with no regret.

Have some fun
let your heartstring run.
Nothing need be done
On your days of rest.

Cindi

[Rana]

What an interesting thread, reading it stirs strong emotions in me.  But I am well aware that what are expressed here are personal opinions and that nobody is judging or making comparisons, are they??

I know you arn't Steph because I took the time to go back and read your posts carefully before I jumped in and shot  my mouth off yet again.  They are your well and carefully presented opinions - that  I just don't happen to agree with.  But, that's, as you stated, the wonderful part of debate.

A 'throw away' comment on the difference between a cross dresser & a transexual is 5 years.  Geez, thinking on that it is so true (unless you are into kinkyness & fetishes & that sort of stuff).  Yes, I also was aware of somthing "different" about me when I was growing up coulden't quite put my finger on it - but it was more than being happy to go about wearing panties & a bra & such forth.  They are just props, its a question of feelings & values.

So, with me, analysing myself I am in essence transexual.  Get dressed up with in womans clothes - then, why, what happens then??  That's when my thoughts get mixed up & I retreat in fear  and confusion (no they dont I can see how it would finish up) it would be all or nothing and I bloody will NOT destroy my & my families lives, I will live with the stress.   I think Leigh said way back that whatever happens there is a cost, so I will choose the cost of not transitioning.   If there was only me I guess the Transexuals will Transition makes sense.  Otherwise its a nonsense.

Anyway thats my own personal opinion

Rana

[stephanie_craxford]

What an interesting thread, reading it stirs strong emotions in me.  But I am well aware that what are expressed here are personal opinions and that nobody is judging or making comparisons, are they??

I know you arn't Steph because I took the time to go back and read your posts carefully before I jumped in and shot  my mouth off yet again.  They are your well and carefully presented opinions - that  I just don't happen to agree with.  But, that's, as you stated, the wonderful part of debate.

A 'throw away' comment on the difference between a cross dresser & a transexual is 5 years.  Geez, thinking on that it is so true (unless you are into kinkyness & fetishes & that sort of stuff).  Yes, I also was aware of somthing "different" about me when I was growing up coulden't quite put my finger on it - but it was more than being happy to go about wearing panties & a bra & such forth.  They are just props, its a question of feelings & values.

So, with me, analysing myself I am in essence transexual.  Get dressed up with in womans clothes - then, why, what happens then??  That's when my thoughts get mixed up & I retreat in fear  and confusion (no they dont I can see how it would finish up) it would be all or nothing and I bloody will NOT destroy my & my families lives, I will live with the stress.   I think Leigh said way back that whatever happens there is a cost, so I will choose the cost of not transitioning.   If there was only me I guess the Transexuals will Transition makes sense.  Otherwise its a nonsense.

Anyway thats my own personal opinion

Rana

I always look forward to your comments Rana but I find it hard "that  you just don't happen to agree with my carefully presented opinions ". LOL

Just curious Rana when you dress in women's cloths what would you have expected to happen?  Why would you do it, as you seem to be expecting a result or experience that would confirm that you are TS when you do.  And I'm interested in what this "essence" you speak of as I don't think that I've heard this in ref to TS (But that doesn't suprise me) .  Living with the stress is what I thought I could do.  I purged, made deals, compromised, but maybe I'm not as strong as others as this was something I could not overcome and eventually I had to transition no matter what the cost.

Steph

[Emerald]

This is not the Tower of Babel, it's a TG Support Forum!

Of course this is not the Tower of Babel, of course it is a support forum, I have never stated otherwise.  I am simply stating what "I believe".  Hmmmmm it seems you are implying that I am not being supportive, and I fail to see where I have not been supportive.   Yes this is a support forum, but telling people "you go girl" and everything nice, and sugar and spice, and not the truth, is not support.

Steph

Good heavens, that is not what I was expressing at all to the many readers of this thread in my parting words!!! I was stating the obvious (this is undoubtedly a TG resource website), and referring to the importance of mutual understanding of word meanings and lingo specific to the TG community.

In the Biblical book of Genesis, God stopped the building of the Tower of Babel by confusing the people's languages so that each spoke a different tongue. As a result, they could no longer communicate with one another and the work was halted. The people were then scattered to different parts of the Earth.

Communication is the key to success! 
-Emerald 

[cindianna_jones]

Yea, he taught them all English... so we could really get confused.

>

Cindi

[Rana]

Hey Steph, thank you
I post stuff that moves me in divers ways, but its like dropping pebbles down a deep well - I have no idea what happens, am I boring the socks off people, irritating them or what?  But that's what posting in forums is all about, more reflective and a different dimension to the immediacy of chat.  I am glad my posts do not bore you at least 
You should know by now that I have strongly held opinions about stuff and while not inflexible am resistant to changing them.  However, I do take notice of your posts - hopefully you may note your good manners & courtesy may have rubbed off on me a bit  (we can always hope   ).
I enjoy posts that have logic and especially passion,  on that note I will say I miss janc and her posts greatly.
As for me crossdresser or transexual?  I am really not sure what I expect to happen but its somthing more than just wearing clothes.  On that very note this weekend I was home alone, put on skirt and top, felt good for a while but all dressed up & nowhere to go Steph    what was the point, in essence they were just props to me.
Maybe if I gave an example,  before I came to Susans, was visiting another site,  got on well with people there.   One member posted a picture of a group of friends, they regularly dress up and go out and have dinner together.   Looking at the picture of the group, well dressed elegant, enjoying each others company,  and I felt this wave of sadness and longing to belong - I posted that I would have loved to been there with them, reply they would have loved me to join them.  Me in another hemisphere & all
The closest I have got to that feeling was when I was in the army (a chocko, I know I was not a real soldier) and more strongly when I was in a spearfishing club,  a group with not much in common other than  a deeply held passion.  We would meet booze on, brag about what we had been up to & plan future activities our common passion made everything good.

So you see Steph, in essence I would long to live the life of a gentle cultivated lady.  I think I mentioned in another post I would have loved to be a singer - uno French love songs,  Chantresse (not sure of spelling at all - what I have spelt probably means a dog or somthing    )  . Passion with elegance and culture I would love.

Love
Rana

[TheBattler]

Hi Rana,

I know how that feels to be all dressed up and nowehere to go. I recently went out as Alice to a support group and had a great night. Maybe you should look for some support around your area or in Sydney. It is so much nicer going out then being home alone.

Alice

[Annwyn]

The transsexual will transition.  The transsexual that is so desperate to do the, "do or die" mentality either has doubts or is not a true transsexual, and is only doing so because he/she wants an escape, "the grass is greener on the other end of the fence" kind of thing.
The true transsexual, will know that it will transition, and will happily await that day.  It will be a natural thing, an joyous path, and taken so it can then enjoy the rest of life as a transsexual, instead of getting done with transition and sitting around thinking, "what now?"
That's my opinion!