Does sexual orientation change?

[ErickaM]

I presented the same question to my therapist yesterday; she seems to be of a common mind as a lot here.  That as one comes to terms with who they are may also discover attractions opposite to those they've had all their lives.  Now naturally she came to the determination that I was talking about myself, hay she is a good therapist what can I say, and as a couple of you here had the same questions with regards to me being married. I ensured here that my feelings for my wife have not changed, but on possibility that we may divorce would consider having a relationship with a guy, once transition is complete.   And I also find that my attrition to women as being more envious than any other type of attraction.

[Natasha]

Re: Does sexual orientation change?

like gender, sexual preference is immutable.  i'm guessing that i was always bi to begin with, yet i didn't feel comfortable being with men when i had the wrong plumbing.  now that my body matches my gender, i can finally say that i'm also sexually attracted to guys.  ha ha ha

[Hypatia]

like gender, sexual preference is immutable.  i'm guessing that i was always bi to begin with, yet i didn't feel comfortable being with men when i had the wrong plumbing.  now that my body matches my gender, i can finally say that i'm also sexually attracted to guys.  ha ha ha

EXACTLY!!! Natasha nailed it.

[Beyond]

Re: Does sexual orientation change?

like gender, sexual preference is immutable.  i'm guessing that i was always bi to begin with, yet i didn't feel comfortable being with men when i had the wrong plumbing.  now that my body matches my gender, i can finally say that i'm also sexually attracted to guys.  ha ha ha

I agree.  I had a friend explain it this way: You managed to deny your true gender for so long.  What's the say you didn't do the same in regards to your orientation? 

For me the percieved change started sometime after I started HRT, but long before SRS.

For newbies: When it happens it wil feel completely natural.  There is nothing to fear, it is the true you emerging.

[soldierjane]

Yes and no. If growing up you repressed your liking for boys, then it will probably resurface in force. If, on the other side, you never cared for them and felt more at home with women sexually then you won't still care. You will feel like experimenting, though.
It's really impossible to go through transition without sexuality being affected one way or another; the body is as if reborn and open to possibility once again and will not operate quite the same way as before.

[Nigella]

Hi there,

I have always been attracted to women and I am married to one but the other week or so I found myself flirting with a man. I have pondered on that since, a strange and bizarre feeling. I don't know why I did it.

I haven't even explored my sexuality as my thoughts have been 24/7 on dyshoria.

P.S and I'm not even on hormone replacement yet, lol.

hugs

Nigella

[jessi73]

I would agree with most people that have posted here.  I have noticed that my attraction to men has very much come in with a vengance.  I was married for years to a woman and never thought about seeing myself with a man.  I have been on HRT for almost two years now and I can only see myself with a man.  I never thought I was gay when I was younger, but I do believe I was bi, and it annoys me when others automaticaly assume that when you tell them what your doing.  I have been dating for a while and just recently got engaged two days before Valentines Day with a wonderful man that I have been seeing for a while!  I never thought that would happen!  Granted there are obstacles to overcome, but I welcomed this one with open arms.  Enjoy the way life changes and count your blessings.  Your heart will  tell you what you want, not your body or society.  Yes, I consider myself a straight woman even though I still have to have SRS.
JESSI

[Hypatia]

For that matter, Renate, I'm not so sure about having any romantic/sexual relationships in my future with anyone at all. I'm not against the concept, just doubting that it will happen for me. I'm feeling kind of burned out from 22 years of marriage and anticipating a long quiet interval of solitude when it ends. When I can simply focus on my needs instead of always having to put someone else's needs first. After that, I can't think that far ahead. I just don't know.

[cindybc]

Hi all I suppose I could refer to myself as bi. I married another Trans girl three years ago. I have never been big on the sex department, maybe I am damaged goods from being abused physically and mentally as well as sexually assaulted by my own ex some years back. Well anyway that is in the past. All I ever really wanted was for someone to embrace me and make me feel secure and protected in their arms. Some one I could share intimacy with and to love and be loved. I have all that and I count myself the happiest and luckiest Tgirl in the world to have had the fortune to meet my soul mate, right here on this message board five years ago.

As for men well I do get quite attracted to those I would call gentlemen and probably have no qualms in playing house with one if I the opportunity was their and I was some younger. As it is I am happy with what I have. I have never had the pleasure of sharing my life with the one who shows me love and caring then the one I share my life with at this time. I do have the right plumbing and I really thought that it would change my sexual drive, but I fear I still have past scars from past experience that is going to take a little more time to heal.

Cindy

Cindy 

[Gina_Taylor]

Congratulations Jessi. It really sounds like you've got a really good person to spend the rest of your life with. I agree with Renate that it seems like you've found your dream. As for me, I have not yet started HRT, but I do know that I am bi-sexual. I've never been married, but being bi gives me the best of both worlds, when I feel like it.

Gina 

[deviousxen]

I don't really divide it into this triple category anymore. I'll just go with what I like. I think thats the most progressive mindset to have in this day and age. Too bad it makes things infinitely more confusing...

[Maddie Secutura]

Apart from actual HRT going on, I think sexual orientation in itself is an interesting topic.  In ancient Rome, everyone was bi.  If you were a Roman male and wanted some action but didn't feel like having a kid, you found another guy to have fun with.  It was perfectly normal and thus everyone accepted that part of themselves.

I was trying to be a straight man for the longest time, but it felt forced.  Now that I've admitted to myself that I'm not actually a man, I don't have to force myself into that role which means I can actually look at guys now and be OK with it.  I'm not even on HRT yet but just admitting to myself that it's OK has made a big difference.  Heck yeah I'd like to find a boyfriend and then get married eventually.  I'll report  later though once I start my HRT.

[deviousxen]

Apart from actual HRT going on, I think sexual orientation in itself is an interesting topic.  In ancient Rome, everyone was bi.  If you were a Roman male and wanted some action but didn't feel like having a kid, you found another guy to have fun with.  It was perfectly normal and thus everyone accepted that part of themselves.

I was trying to be a straight man for the longest time, but it felt forced.  Now that I've admitted to myself that I'm not actually a man, I don't have to force myself into that role which means I can actually look at guys now and be OK with it.  I'm not even on HRT yet but just admitting to myself that it's OK has made a big difference.  Heck yeah I'd like to find a boyfriend and then get married eventually.  I'll report  later though once I start my HRT.

Thats like me kinda. I wouldn't exactly want a boyfriend, at least not yet, but I'm pretty open to anything I would have puked at in fifth grade.

[Ms Bev]

I can say without question, that I was lesbian when I married my wife so many years ago.  As a man, I oftenimagined myself as a woman when being intimate.  After 3 years of hrt, I can say without question, I still am.  Male bodies do nothing for me, and when I have a man around my age flirt with me, it makes me very uncomfortable, and I start putting a little distance between us.  On the other hand, close proximity, touching, etc in a group of women, lesbian or straight,  makes me feel very comfortable....at home


Dyed in the wool,
gold star,

Bev

[Lucy]

Re: Does sexual orientation change?

I am a big beleaver that it does and can, a pomosexual.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomosexual

I thorght this word ment a fluid in sexuality unlike being bi its a change of sexuality as gender changes, but unfortunetly for me the wiki does not agree with my interpritation of this word.

So if people ask about my sexual orientation I always say POMO

[mystics_rain]

I presented the same question to my therapist yesterday; she seems to be of a common mind as a lot here.  That as one comes to terms with who they are may also discover attractions opposite to those they've had all their lives.  Now naturally she came to the determination that I was talking about myself, hay she is a good therapist what can I say, and as a couple of you here had the same questions with regards to me being married. I ensured here that my feelings for my wife have not changed, but on possibility that we may divorce would consider having a relationship with a guy, once transition is complete.   And I also find that my attrition to women as being more envious than any other type of attraction.

Erika, she does sound like a good therapist, lol.
I think that how you feel is understandable, on the envious part.
I am not trans, just a gay girl trying to learn, but I hear ya'll and wanted to respond,
I hope that is ok.
It's cool to learn.

Posted on: March 27, 2008, 02:38:57 AM

Don't tell the gay community sexual orientation is open to change, and especially don't tell the trans/homophobic community. I personally think it's one reaon why some in the gay community don't like transpeople, namely m2f's, because many do change their orientation from gay as males to straight as women.  They don't get the attraction is the same, the thinking and expression changes. And the trans/homophobic would jump on this for a "cure" not realizing they're part of the mix too. My personal belief is that we're all born bi-sexual, and only express a general preference because of our individual nature/nuture circumstances, and it varies with time, place, circumstances and situation over our life. And one's susceptibility to changes is generally nature (genes), why some feel exclusively attracted to one sex, some don't and some vary. But it's not always just sexual attraction, but also about interpersonal attraction for the whole range of factors. People like to limit it to sex because they think it separates things and people, when it doesn't. Why else are them sex/gender specific clubs, groups, etc. if for everything but sex, but includes companisonship, friendship, character, etc.? So why is just sex considered differently by recent cultures? It wasn't in the past, sex was just that, and without any overtones of morality.

Susan, I have only been in the gay community for 2 years, but yes I can see how this is sadly true. It is often difficult to find your own identity sexually and I think it's hard for some who are in the gay community to see the struggle or the change? I know I have seen it in my short time. I have faced this, it was quite difficult with my girlfriend being with her, having lived 'straight' for so long, yet find, found, a few attractions to males in the time being, yet going on history never once enjoyed sex with them. I am what I am. I do agree people should choose on their own, and who cares what someone else thinks, eh? I'm tired of trying to fit into everyone's boxes. I hope it's ok to comment on that, it just struck me.


Lucy, lol, I would have to say that is a new one on me. @}~



~ mystic

[cindybc]

Promosexual? Hmmm just how many...... multi ,whatever, sexual, however many different definitions are there anyway? "Cheez wiz!" This can get quite confusing for this old gal don't you know. Well as best I can identify myself as, is #1 I am Cindy, #2 a lesbian woman. #3 flower child, #4 Iroquois. "hee hee." and Well anyway I still love everyone on this board, I see the young-uns here as my kids.

Cindy

[Lucy]

Cindy

#1 I am Cindy, #2 a lesbian woman. #3 flower child, #4 Iroquois. "hee hee." and Well anyway I still love everyone on this board, I see the young-uns here as my kids. Cindy

Does that inclue us not so young uns as well 

[cindybc]

Hi Lucy, of course you guys, too. After all you were one of the first folks on this board that I met. By the way I must congratulate you for continuing to move forward.

Cindy

[Janet_Girl]

Very interesting thread.  My ex said I was gay because I wanted to be a woman.  Fault logic.

As for me, I am not above being lesbion, but I not against being with a man, ether.  No, ladies I am not bi.  Right now it is all about me and I cannot share my life until I get myself right.

Love
Janet