Hey Everyone,
So I wanted to go to my sounding board (you all) and bounce something I've been thinking about lately off of you for some feedback. Ok, so here's what's on my mind lately. So my plan for transition, which I have written about as it was happening in my blog, has felt like it's been going relatively well lately. In that, I mean my plan with talking to people and coming out. My plan was basically to tell people early, explain to them why they saw physical changes in me and basically explain everything to them. I'm only talking about maybe 15-20 people, including family and close friends. Ok, so I started last June. Everyone I've told so far has been supportive and accepting. Obviously many of them had lots of questions and others chose to not talk about it too much.
Now, I completely realize that people kind of have this default reaction. Who wants to be seen as judgmental or as a bigot right? Not really stellar qualities. So, I'm 5 months away from FFS and full time, everyone knows and I feel like the clock is kind of counting. First, in case you all didn't know, I'm an extremely sensitive person. I really honestly care about people and how they feel. I've approached transition with an open mind and I've been sharing things with people as I've gone along, kind of like talking about things going on with me so they knew. My thinking has been "If I include people that have been supportive and keep them posted on what's going on with me, they will see gradual changes rather than showing up one day looking and sounding like a different person."
Transition doesn't happen overnight, it takes time. My thoughts were if I include people, let them her my recorded voice, let them see how I look now (physically, some minor changes), let them know my surgery is scheduled, etc., then it would be a gradual process for them and might be a little easier to swallow. I'm talking about the people closest to me here, not the fringe people, they don't even know.
So, herein lies my problem. Realizing that there is definitely a default reaction in people and also realizing that there will be people who fall by the wayside, can't handle it, etc., I see myself going down two paths from here, I have to questions I'm asking myself.
Should I continue doing what I'm doing until people say "hmmm, you know what, I am having a really hard time with this, I'd appreciate it if we didn't talk about" or should I abandon the idea of including people, wait to be asked, then talk to them but only if THEY are the ones to bring it up? Maybe there are other options I haven't considered? I really need everyone to understand that I'm kind of feeling like my heart was in the right place, but I'm also owning up to the idea that this is just seriously going to be more than some people can handle. I know transition is so much kind of playing things by ear, reacting to them when they happen, etc. I've tried hard to do a lot of planning and doing things the way I felt would be right for me.
I am really leaning toward the second option, not talking about any gender "events" or whatever you want to call them, unless I'm asked. Then when I'm full time and people say "whoa, what the heck, I didn't know you were 1) doing this so soon 2) doing all these things, etc. I could just respond "well, I told you to ask me questions if you had any and you never asked so...here I am." Please keep in mind that just dismissing people and doing what I'm going to do is not easy or natural for me. The common sense side of me absolutely knows that many of them will not be my friends in 6 months or a year, but I feel like trying to bring them along anyway. I guess maybe I'm trying to sort my friends out NOW before full time rather than watch them slowly drop out of my life.
Lol, I think I had an epiphany typing this message. I can't force them to either drop out or be with me, that takes time. I guess maybe I am feeling like "hey, come to this place with me please" and that's not too smart. Life, unfortunately, does not work that way. So, my plan is to not talk to people unless they ask me. What do YOU think? Any similar experiences? Any different viewpoints? Plusses or minuses to what I'm thinking about doing? Please let me know, thanks, Meghan
