I've been aware of my need to be a female since the age of 5 or 6. Being born in 1950, there weren't the same resources for getting help that exist today. With minimal help/understanding coming from my home, I was left to my own devices. By the time that I was in my 30's, my GID was all but controlling my life. The only positive things at that time, were that I was involved in a loving and caring (non sexual)relationship with a gay man that continues to this day, and my holding down a job that tolerated my frequent absences. The overriding problem was that I saw and felt the world as a woman, but the world saw and felt me as a male. This situation is continuing. This resulted in a steady flow of first, alcohol, and then heroin. Not knowing where else to turn for help, drugs offered a fast and dependable way to escape much of the pain of simply being alive. During this period, thought was given as to what else I could do, and I mailed away for something called a "burdizo," or something like that. It's purpose is for castrating cattle. Fortunately, I didn't have the nerve to use it, especially since I more likely than not, would have removed EVERYTHING! AND I WOULD HAVE BLED TO DEATH! Over the years since, I've tried to fit in as a male, but it never worked. My attempts with women were disastrous. Whenever it would be time for sex, my mind would scream at me to stop, for reasons like "I'm supposed to be on the bottom with my legs spread," to "women aren't supposed to do that to other women." I'd get an erection and hide it from my partner. Penetrating her with it was just SOOOOO wrong. It wasn't even supposed to be attached to my body!
My point is this...I've had, and still have, a very lonely and unfulfilled life. The only option that I can realistically consider to truly enjoy and make the most of the remainder of my life is to transition. My basic life story is by no means unique, and many, many others have found themselves in the same situation at one point in life or another. There are many things that need to be done in order to fully transition, and there is nothing that demands that you HAVE to do anything at all! You can take whatever measures are comfortable for YOU! HRT is one of the steps that most, but not all, people will take, but there will be voice therapy, electrolysis clothing, to name just a few. Find and work closely with a qualified gender therapist. I, myself, am seeing a therapist, and have recently begun HRT. My overall plan, is to take my time and to enjoy the transitioning process all the way through SRS. Looking back at my life until now, and considering alternatives, a full transition is the right thing for ME. I make no suggestions as to what anyone else should do, aside from examining very carefully all possible options and their consequences.
