Good afternoon to all of you! Due to the prodding of a new-found friend I have decided to check out this place. And as such, I've decided I better give an introduction to myself (which is of course one of my favorite topics).
I was born a boy. I had rather feminine tastes throughout my childhood though. I like animals and plants and flowers and pretty colors and shopping and chocolate and such. I disliked organized sports (although I do enjoy being physically active). I'm rather small frame for a guy. I always liked having long hair, although my dad didn't really approve of it, so usually it was more of a shaggy mop of a hairdo. I grew a full beard somewhere around 13.
Sexuality was a tad confusing for me at first. I liked girls, always did, many of my friends were girls. So when I became old enough to be interested in sex, I definitely liked girls. But then again, guys weren't too bad either. For a while I figured if I found guys attractive then that must mean I'm gay! But then I thought about it long and hard, and no, I definitely like girls too. That boggled me for a while. So I just dated girls, because really things are simpler when dating someone of the opposite gender. I've kissed a few guys, but it's my finding that generally women are better kissers (although I admit my selection of people I kissed was rather limited).
I ended up marrying a wonderful woman, who has pretty much the same sexuality as me. We both are very flirty, and enjoy checking people out, of either gender. It's great, it's like having a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time in the same person! She's the only one I've ever had sex with (besides oral) and I'm the only one she's had sex with (besides oral). Honestly I don't really have much interest in having sex with people other than her, and she's the same way. I mean, we find other people attractive and fun to look at sure, but we generally aren't actually sexually attracted to other folks. We joke about how our sexuality is "us" or "each other". If she were a male, or I a female, or any other combo of genders, we would still be pretty much the exact same couple. I guess that would be labeled pansexuality?
But the idea of what gender I might be, that's a bit more of a recent pondering. Once I got into online gaming I was kind of confused. I usually made my characters to be girls. I mean, I live my real life as a guy, so why wouldn't I want to try being a girl in a game? I mean, it's a game. It's more weird for me to be playing twi'lek or an ogre than it is for me to be playing a girl, right? Well, that's when I realized that apparently most people are pretty sure you are supposed to always portray yourself as your born gender. Hrmph, how boring.
But in the end it's still generally easier for me to be a girl online. There are some pretty strong stereotypes out there involving gender. And it's usually more convenient to be confused for being a girl than confused for being a guy. (girls have a certain comradere to each other, and of course guys like chicks. But girls don't really want to talk to guys online because they figure all guys on the net want cybersex (unless of course they want cybersex themselves), and guys tend to view other guys as competition). So generally I am portrayed as a girl online. And if someone asks me about my gender I usually answer "either" or "both". If that doesn't scare them off (which it often times does) then they sometimes ask for clarification, and that is a total pain to try and explain. Usually I just say gender doesn't really matter, but if they get pushy I tell them I'm technically a guy, but I like chocolate and I don't like sports. Then usually comes all the questions about sexuality, cross-dressing, blah blah blah, at which point I'm usually thinking "Hey, so, were we gonna go kill those orcs or are we gonna talk about genitals?" Unless I'm underslept, in which case they usually get an earful about my views on gender (in case you can't guess, I'm currently underslept).
I never really cared if people thought I was a guy or a girl. From behind I could easily pass as a girl (my hair is now very long, and my dad has finally decided that long hair is pretty darn cool). My wife and I always find it fun whenever someone says "Can I help you ladies?" when we are shopping. Plus it's fun to wear fingernail polish, braid each other's hair, and run around town terrorizing people that think inside a narrow box.
I often times referred to myself as androgynous. I would sometimes joke "David Bowie, with a goatee". I wouldn't say I am a boy in mind or a girl, and I'm certainly not a neither. Maybe a bit of both? Although it's not like I am both, all the time. I am just whatever is most convenient or fun at the time. I would love to be able to actually shift my physical body to being whatever gender I am feeling at the time, but obviously that doesn't really work (I played Second Life for a while and I made two looks that were so similar looking, except for gender, and would just flip flop between the two at will, which was lots of fun). I wouldn't want to permanently change my gender, it's too much work and would still just pigeon hole me into that gender.
I used to live in South Dakota though. That place is a hole. And they are extremely judgemental when it comes to gender or sexuality. I had fun breaking the rules whenever possible, but I narrowly escaped getting beat up many times. Now I live near-ish Seattle, which is quite open to pretty much anything. There are less people to tease around here which is a bummer, but the fact that they accept me way outweighs that and makes this a great place to be.
Pronouns never really mattered to me. I never really cared if someone called me a him or a her, and I never am careful about what I use for other people. I usually call everyone "they" or "you". Although I would like to get in the habit of using hir and sie and those, but I always forget them. Although, I have a habit of calling everyone "dude" regardless of gender (which seems to sometimes offend MTF, but never offends regular F), I pretty much view "dude" as saying "friend". A good friend of my also uses the term "hippie" for everyone, and I sometimes use that too.
But now here comes the big questions portions. I've never actually thought too seriously that there was actually a GROUP of people that had this view, or that there would actually be a name for it. I've also not really stressed about it much. I hadn't figured there had been a group because groups are for people that are stressed about it, and I'm not stressed about it, so figured no one else was too. I've never really freaked out about sexuality or gender, but now it looks like maybe I'm supposed to be freaking out? I mean, is that the healthy thing to do? I've never talked to a therapist, never really figured I had much to talk about. I pretty much felt like I had it figured out and that was cool. But what if I don't figure it out? What if in 10 years I realize I was supposed to be a girl? Or what if I figure out I'm supposed to be gay? Or what if... blah! And now I see that other people do worry and feel bad and stress, and I don't, and that makes me feel guilty.
And then again, I don't want to use my real name, nor my typical net-names on here, because I don't want people that know me on the net to see me posting here. But that's goofy! Why if I'm so comfortable with it am I uncomfortable with it at the same time? I sometimes claim that names have power and I'm not willing to share my name so easily with people, but I think it might be more than that.
Anyways, that's my long intro. Sorry about the novel length, but I'm underslept and it's boring today at work.
So, hi. You can call me Kir.
Posted on: February 15, 2008, 03:06:30 PM
Ah ha! I have figured out how to reword my post to make it shorter and easier to understand! (I know it's not usually polite to post a response to yourself on forums, but I think I'll take that risk anyways).
To sum it up: What am I?
And more importantly: Does it matter?
