thought every thing was going well

[Laurie K]

I hit the last few names of my important coming out list and thought "yu know that went pretty easy. " Until today, I found out that my mother in law has taken it upon herself to tell a few family members that I hadnt got around to about my change.  At first it real took me but surprize, and did not give it alot of thought.  But as the day rolled along I thought really that is none of  her concern. First of all it takes all the control of who I tell away from me. and how they are told. She is one known to twist truths  and maniplulate the situation. and then talk nice to your face.  The person she told is her son (my bro inlaw) wh has the most judgemental  fundy christian wife i know. They were probably the last people I was going to tell of me.

My question here is may be she did me a favor? I dont have to now. Is it not my right to have my own control who and when I tell.  I believe that it is better comming from my mouth  cause I know the WHOLE story.... not just that "we  have a ->-bleeped-<- in the family".   

Also today wasnt the greatest as MY daughters friend  was at her house when we went over to have dinner.I got "hello princess and"so ya gettin it lopped off". ( he is male ofcourse)
I have made arrangements to have a chat with him later this week, as to His disrespect for my daughter and me.If that continues she may have to make choices and that is not fair to her.   Any thoughts?

[Ms Grace]

Yep, some people are jerks alright. So is this your daughter's friend or boyfriend, because maybe the talking to should be coming from her. As for the mother-in-law you are right, it was none of her concern but I can tell you right now that news of someone being transgender is the kind of "gossip" some people cannot keep to themselves. You'll find that some people you've never told will know. As for the ones the mother in law told, if they are important people that you'd like to hear the facts of the matter (as opposed to gossip) then you should still definitely talk to them.

[LizK]

My brother outed me to his mate a guy I know only casually and initially I wasn't too fazed but the more I thought about it the more I thought that he had no right to do that.  Part of the problem is that I found a few days later that whatever he said to this guy it was enough for him to get only a tiny bit of what was going on. 

I gave my brother a gentle "serve"  over doing it and I could tell as it dawned on him what he had done...he was highly apologetic and embarrassed. Anyway it s too late now the guy hasn't been around for a week or so but I guess I will eventually get to straighten him out.

You are the only person who has the right to make a statement or out yourself about your gender. It is no one else job apart form yours and makes getting the correct message out there difficult if you are being undermined by well meaning "friends".

Regards

Sarah T

[Cindy]

As ever there are two sides to most situations. I found out that my sister in law had not told some friends of hers and I started to get Xmas cards in my old name. I asked why hadn't she told them? Was she embarrassed of me? (she was)

Then again she has been separated from her husband for 20 years and hasn't told some of her friends.

Again when I came out at work it went viral through the hospitals I work in and I was glad of that. It didn't bother me as I really don't care what people think of me and it saved me telling people.

Funny though, later I was told that I became a 'coffee room' discussion point and people who were against my transition were really put down hard. I didn't have to tackle that rubbish. Seemingly one 'man' used extremely insulting language about me and returned to work the next day and found the locks to his office had been changed - he realised he wasn't wanted and had to publicly apologise to his colleagues before they would let him work with them again.

He later apologised to me in front of his colleagues at a Christmas staff BBQ. I accepted his apology and told him I hoped he could deal with his son if he ever came out as Gay or Trans. It hurt him, he finally understood.

[Laurie K]

Thanx for the support ladies.... I will deal with this hopefully on the weekend when I get time on my side.

The daughters boy friend thing was really not about me(I hope I have thicker skin than that).
More on the concern of my girl.  She is struggling with my transition and she does not need any further stress. I have told him If he wants a chat, we can have one over a beverage.

The mother in law ..... well I that might be damage control.   God knows who and how many?
The positive, (if there is one ) she has done some ground work for me. The other positive may be that they are strong  in aboriginal  culture and the two spirit thing might be to my advantage.