update to my love story with the ts-hater(so called= and propably you are right)

[tekla]

OK, your are being a drama queen (and living in SF, working in theater, I DO KNOW drama queens, some of which are even female).  Still, at some point people should be told the truth, I wish I had a hard and fast line on that but I don't, but I'm also sure you passed it.

[deniz]

OK, your are being a drama queen (and living in SF, working in theater, I DO KNOW drama queens, some of which are even female).  Still, at some point people should be told the truth, I wish I had a hard and fast line on that but I don't, but I'm also sure you passed it.

maybe you are the type who can survive.i admire you for that. and for the cold undetached style. if only i could be like you.but i am not.i am the fragile type.maybe you used to be like me too. who knows,who cares.i am tired of being jugded all the time.parents,frients, partners at work.The only real thing in my life is MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT BOY, based on a terrible so called lie.
i feel like THE MATRIX sequel. Please pass me the red pill...i want to be normal and ignorant again.

[tekla]

You never get to be stupid once you know the truth.  I'm not all that detached. Nor is my heart cold. Sill, I do value truth, even when it hurts.

[Jordan]

Ha!  I was thinking Athens, GA!  Greece, now that's a horse of a different color.  My understanding is that Greek men don't consider it gay to top other men.  The bottom is a different story.  He's a homo for sure!  That attitude is common in South America, too.

As an American I try to build in plausable deniability into most things I say.  My advice on telling him was prefaced by "If you feel the need to be honest..." and that advice still holds true.  It's up to you.

I'm a little surprised at the adamancy of some posters.  We have scant information about this man yet some stand ready to condemn him (and all men) as a violent thug to be mortally feared .  Because of my work I tend to look for pathology in the behavior of other people.  But I need to remind myself that psychosis is the exception rather than the rule.  Not all bad behavior indicates illness.  Not every man is a woman killer.  Let us know the outcome, Deniz.

BTW great English!  You write like a native speaker.

Deniz, to some degree I do have to agree with the above post from Claire, Not all men are Women Beaters, some understand it is a crime to hit another...

My basis is though that if he finds out it will scar him worse than if you left him thinking you fell out of love with him, let him stay in his ignorance, it will do him better later in life.

To be honest I am a Transwomen, and I am Lesbian, If I was dating a girl and then she told me that she was a Transwoman also, I would not be happy....

I find no attraction to men, and although I sucribe clearly to the fact that I was born a man, but feel I am a woman, If I was "tricked" and not told up front I would feel wrong as though I was with a man.

Thats Ignorance for you, but it is how it works.

I dont think anyone on this board is going to clearly tell you to Tell him and hope he is ok with it, it just isnt good policy, we arent gonna be responsible for his attitude if he takes things south...

I would suggest a therapist, or family counselor

[tekla]

Deniz, to some degree I do have to agree with the above post from Claire, Not all men are Women Beaters, some understand it is a crime to hit another

I don't know many, if any, men where you could get away with that.  The guys I know, real macho types, would pound you into the ground for that, even if if she deserved it.  It is the training.  Don't believe me, go hit some girl in a biker bar, and see how many steps you get past the door.

[buttercup]

Deniz, to some degree I do have to agree with the above post from Claire, Not all men are Women Beaters, some understand it is a crime to hit another

I don't know many, if any, men where you could get away with that.  The guys I know, real macho types, would pound you into the ground for that, even if if she deserved it.  It is the training.  Don't believe me, go hit some girl in a biker bar, and see how many steps you get past the door.

What the hell??  Nobody should be beaten to the ground for anything!  That is a load of crap and I do not subscribe to it!  Being TS is not a license for someone to beat the sh*t out of you!  NEVER, NEVER an excuse!
We are all assuming that this guy is a macho sonofabitch who will try it.  He might not even think like that, but the risk in my point of view is quite high for one important fact, I DON'T KNOW HIM! 

[Jordan]

Tek? that last post kinda confused me?

Point simple he touches you in any way, LAWSUIT, thats the way I live...

If someone messes with me and ends up touching me, I will go dramatic on them, I will do what ever it takes to get a conviction and a lawsuit. period.

[tekla]

The duty of the strong (no matter gender, sex, or sexual choice) is to protect the weak against the bullies, and the bullies, always (ALWAYS) flee, when faced with real people.  We have girls on our crew, and when some street jerk calls them down we back away, because we do not want them to think we don't respect them.  But, we don't back down too far, we want that jerk to know, if he wins that fight, that's going to be the least of his problems.

And, what I've learned after years of grad school, is that colors matter.  I would never go against my crew.  "I didn't see anything." End of statement.  No matter what he says to the cops, its his word (one person) against 12 who did not see anything.  No arrest there.

And yes, some guy beating down some girl, is going to get his ass kicked by us.  Call me a male for that, but girls love it.  They are safe with us.  We protect women, an old fashioned deal, but that is the deal gone down nonetheless.  By the way, if you hit a girl in front of us, its our girls who would be on you first, we just follow them.

[Jordan]

I am so confused even more... What about yur "crew" now?

[lady amarant]

You know Tekla hon? You're scary.

And I do mean that in the nicest possible way 

Posted on: 19 February 2008, 16:41:20From my original post, sadly lost due to my extreme ineptitude...

And yes, I do believe testosterone makes people crazy - the more you have, the more wary of you I'm going to be.

Just to clarify - I am not a man-hating dyke. There are many men out there who are strong, gentle, wonderful.

But a little T goes a long way, and waaaay too many men these days seem to feel the need to prove they have more than the next bloke in line, be it in the boardroom or in the pub or on the street. Either they have too much actual T in their systems, or they are trying to act like they do - either way, they are dangerous.

[tekla]

These are people I've worked with, toured with, lived with day in and day out for now, some 30 odd (very odd years).

[LynnER]

Ahhhhh Greece...  Thats a diffrent story all together...  This goes from being a 99% chance of being badly hurt or worse to being a much more tame issue....  If you were in Athens Georgia U.S. then youd probably get yourself killed by all this...

My Mother <who hates my guts> has a friend Tony grom greece who is one of the most awsome people Ive met...  Seems fairly macho but in the end is actualy a gential soul... I dobut he would ever harm anyone in anger...  Europeans, even conservitave europeans think diffrently than those on this side of the pond in the U.S.

Here Conservitave boy + Joining the military or already in the military + TS girl = badly beat up or dead if there are romantic feelings involved...

Tell him if you feel the need to... I was really moved by your story... I just feared for you quite abit due to the ASSUMED context of it all...  oh well, you know what assuming means right

Good luck... have fun... and still be careful and be safe...

[NicholeW.]

Deniz, you have crossed a line and emotion has nothing to do with it. Blame it on hormones if you will, but I'd think a surer culprit would be your own sense of validation that he fell in love with you. So, you got that validation.

How you get out of it is, quite frankly, your own problem. Being totally up-front about some things is not a bad idea at all. For instance, the opening post to this thread.

I'd still hate to see you get hurt, killed, maimed although you have set the event in-motion should it occur. It sounds like, now, that you have very unjustly placed this fellow in a position where his honor, of which he seems to have a good bit, is going to be dinted at the very least.

Tell him or not. That's your call.

But, for the sake of just common decency, at least never play this game again. Someone, maybe you, is going to get hurt very badly. And, for the sake of an ego, that is just unacceptable.

Nichole 

[Jordan]

Completely agree nichole...

[Suzy]

I know, I'm the lone girl here.  I think you should give this guy a chance.  Sure, do it is a safe way, but if he is that sweet and kind to you, he may love you so much that it conquers all.  If you really do care that much for him, how would you feel for the rest of your life wondering if you might have made it work?  A lot of people are phobic until they actually meet someone.  Then the issue looks quite different. 

I wish you the very best!

Kristi

[joannatsf]

Here Conservitave boy + Joining the military or already in the military + TS girl = badly beat up or dead if there are romantic feelings involved...

Tell him if you feel the need to... I was really moved by your story... I just feared for you quite abit due to the ASSUMED context of it all...  oh well, you know what assuming means right

Good luck... have fun... and still be careful and be safe...

It should be said that that Greek soldiers are conscripts.  Healthy men have a military obligation for a couple years anyway.  They remain on reserve status for a long time after.

[tekla]

I think that everyone has an obligation to serve their nation.  Nothing wrong in that.  How's its done, ah, there is the rub.

[RebeccaFog]

I believe we can each best serve our nation by rubbing it.

[NicholeW.]

I believe we can each best serve our nation by rubbing it.

The right way or the left way, Rebis? Or would a center stroke be best?

N~

[joannatsf]

I think that everyone has an obligation to serve their nation.  Nothing wrong in that.  How's its done, ah, there is the rub.

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Enough said.