How and when to tell kids

[Alena43]

Hello Everyone,

I am two months into hrt and I know I have to tell my 14 yr old son very soon, but I just don't know how. I am afarid of his reaction and turning hid life upside down. I need advice form those who have gone through this and how they did it.  One of my dilemmas is that I was always taught that we sacrifice for our kids to make them happy, not them sacrificing for us to make us happy. I have talked to my friends who know that I am ts and some say I am being selfish if I do this at the risk of affecting my sons life adversley. My brother says I should be open and honest with my son asap. My therapist says I can do it now, or wait til I have no other choice because of what HRT has done to my body. I just don't know what to do, I am afarid of losing him and turning his life upside down, especially when he is doing so well right now. I also know that in order for me to have any peace or happiness in my life I have to transition and become who I truly am.

Please help any advice would be greatly appreciated. I need the courage and thought from those who have gone through this already and even from thos who haven't. I don't even know where to begin or how to start this conversation with him.

Am I being selfish by telling him and risking affecting his life adversly.

Hugz,
Ariana

[mickiejr1815]

i have two kids, both much younger than yours, so they don't really understand yet. anyway what i tihk you should do is gather all the info on transsexualism that you can and have him read it. then if he has any questions, answer them the best you can. if you can't answer his questions, try looking for them with him. the best place to tel him is a neutral place where you both feel comfortable and he's not going to make a scene. from what i have seen and heard, most children when younger are more accepting of a person's transsexualism. he may not accept it at first, if at all. the best thing is to not rush this past him and let him know the process will take time. the other thing you could do is if he has questions, you can refer him to us on this site and we may be able to answer some of the questions he may have. he will find we are more than willing to help people no matter what their situation is. i hope this helps and wish you well on your journey....


Best wishes,
Mickie

[Robyn]

You might want to buy Mary Boenke's Transforming Families, 2nd Edition.  It's been carried by Amazon, IFGE and may be available used at eBay's Half.com.  It is stories of tranition seen from all sides of the family.  Transkids, transparents, transspouses.  I ven have a chapter in it, and my husband, a poem.  Those alone should make it a keeper. 

Robyn

[Ms.Behavin]

Well, I was in your shoes last year.  I'm divorced with 3 children 16,15 and 12 at the time I told  them.  At about 5-6 months into HRT I told my kids in person that I was TS.  I had prepared them a bit, without telling them exactly how weird I was.  but end the end I just told them direct.  I met them in guy form when I told them.  I told them that I was TS but no mater what I was also still their dad,  just that I was going to be a very different looking dad. 

It was about a 5-8 minute talk and yes it was the scarriest thing I did, well right up there with telling my boss.  My kids took the news very well and they said no mater what they will love me.  They were a like hum freaked out at first but after a year it's no big deal.

  However, you just never know how they will react.  I will say that they live with their mom in a small conservitive town in kansas.  The only person who took the news poorly was my EX.  But that was not a surprise.   

Hope it goes well for you too

Beni

[Alena43]

Thanks everyone for the kind and encouraging words. I know I have to do this pretty soon, but it is definetly the scariest thing I have had to face.

Robyn, I will check that book out and thanks for the info and yes because you wrote a chapter and your husband wrote a poem will make it worth it.

Beni, I all i can do is hope that my son takes this ok.

Thanks again everyone.

Hugz
Ariana

[cindianna_jones]

"John, I have an unusual medical condition and I'm seeing a qualified medical professional to help get it resolved.  I am transgendered.  That means...... "

Be up front and honest.  Make sure you catch him at a moment when there are no other pressing issues and you can spend as much time as he needs to deal with it or ask questions.  He'll likely not have any and want to remove himself from your presence right away.

He'll need time to think it over and sort out what he's heard.  He may seem stand offish for a day or two.  Let it slide for a while but make sure you get a chance to follow up with an in depth discussion at his level.

In every conversation, tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you.  Help him understand that even though he means more to you than anything else, this is a condition that needs resolution.

Cindi