what to say?

[half_danille]

i realise the need to see a  therapist, but how to start talking to one. after all this is not really something i talk about at all, but then again maybe thats my problem. in some ways i think i would sound silly with what ever i say. would help if there was one around here that deals with this kind of thing . from what i9 foud this is only a choice of 3 around here and well i guess its name in a hat time because i need to starty somewhere .

[Dennis]

I said "I think I might be transsexual" then burst into tears. The therapist asked, "why are you crying?" I said "because I'll lose my job, my partner, my family, and my friends".

Only one turned true and it was a blessing in disguise. My job is amazingly supportive, my friends are true friends. My mother (all that's left of my family) loves me.

And it turned out to be none of my worst fears.

So say what you feel.

Dennis

[Kimberly]

I said I believe myself to be transsexual and I am trying to figure out what needs to be done to feel proper.
(paraphrased but you get the idea, I trust.)

As has been said, be honest.
If you are seeing a good therapist they have heard it all before.


Kimberly with moderation hat: P.S. Kicked this to Therapy from it's original home in Transgender talk

[Andre]

i realise the need to see a  therapist, but how to start talking to one.

in my case(ftm) I told him Yes I'm TS,YES I LIKE MY FEMALE FRIENDS, YES I HATE MY BREASTS AND WANT TO STOP THEIR GROWTH,I WILL NOT BE OTHER PEOPLE"S TOY..BEHAVE AS THEY WANT..  I was crying..the same day he booked me an appointment with endo for breasts stoppers.. so..remeber..he is there to listen your story..and probably one of RARE PEOPLE that will understand u..so be honest..relax..be yourself. Good luck!
Andre

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Danielle,

As the others have said, simply tell the therapist what you feel, be honest and up front.  You will probably find that once the ice has been broken the words will come easily, and will flow freely.  Being a little nervous is natural but your therapist will realise this and should make you feel comfortable.  Yep, it's a little scary but don't fret.

Steph

[Sarah Louise]

I responded to this and the system kicked me off.  I'll try again.

Being honest and open is extremely important.  How can the person help you if you don't tell them the real reasons.

I just told my Doctor this morning some truths that I have been hiding even from myself.  In our session yesterday she said that it felt like I had something I wanted to share but was afraid to.

How right she was, I spent all night thinking about it.  I finally told her this morning two things that I had buried so deep that I couldn't admit to myself.

Is counseling hard, Yes. Is counseling scary, Yes.  Is being honest difficult, Yes.  But it is necessary if you want them to understand you.

Sarah L.

[Kimberly]

... an they need to understand if they are to offer meaningful help.

[Shelley]

Honest and open communication is what's needed I think.

Shelley

[rana]

danille,

First check out their qualifications & experience, then think about who you would be more comfortable talking to,  a man or a woman (in truth thats a personal thing & in reality it would make no difference, when I went to therapy I felt at the time it would be easier to talk to a woman than to a man)

I remember my first appointment with a therapist - it was so extremely hard and awful to take that first step and say that all my life I had this part of me that wanted to be a woman & to dress & be one. And yet as I said it, geez like a great huge weight suddenly starts lifting- and what I thought would be hard - turned out so very easy

Don't worry about what to say, they are professionals and they know what to say and do. They are there to help you, to assist you to think about your circumstances clearly & logically, without worry or guilt or fear.

It was a life saving experience for me :

[half_danille]

thanks for the replies i guess just nervous about going(yes i am going) it seems like when i verbalise it all it kinds of sounds silly to me in a way i think i put to much thought into things sometimes. all i know is something is different about me and its time to start fixing it lol

[stephanie_craxford]

Just remember that you are "Not broken" so there's nothing to fix.  You just need some adjustments

Steph

[Alexandra]

Just remember that you are "Not broken" so there's nothing to fix.

Exactly! 

[Sarah Louise]

Yes.

My counselor has been doing a lot of adjustments lately, I need time to actually sit back and contimplate the good things that have come out lately.

It's hard to believe, but her work with me is actually making a difference in my daily life.

Sarah L.

[Hazumu]

Good therapists are non-judgemental.  Whatever you say to them is true for you.  If you mention something that a therapist thinks/feels/believes may hinder you, they'll gently guide you to it and help you develop the tools to deal with it.  Case in point -- my therapist detected a lack of assertiveness on my part, i.e., in certain situations with some authority figures I was either passive or agressive (or worse yet, passive-agressive,) and not assertive.  He suggested I get a few books on assertiveness training, and we talked about the differences between agression and assertiveness, and anger and resentment.  The effect of doing this 'homework' has been real and positive.

But, that's kind of icing on the cake.  You're there for your feelings of having a mis-match between your body's gender and your brain/mind/inner gender -- what's called 'Gender Identity Dysphoria', or GID for short.  Nothing you tell a therapist should surprise them, and if they specialize in gender issues they've already heard it from their other clients.  Relax!  Tell them about your crossdressing, about your fantasizing about having been born in the other gender, about the way you sometimes behave inappropriate to your body gender.  Here's someone you can finally talk to about your 'dark secret'.

I was kind of lucky -- my mom worked in the field of mental health all her life and, although I'd never seen a mental health professional until I met with my GID therapist, I had an idea of what to expect.  He asked what he could do for me, and I blurted out I wanted to become a woman -- we were off and running!  WHEE!!!

As for the poor selection in your area, be a good shopper.  Try them all.  If you get any negative vibes, any hint of negative judgement, pay them for the visit and thank them and move on.  What you told them has to remain confidential.  If they blab, you have the legal grounds to sue them for big bucks (and the money will come in handy for your transition!)  And there are also some telephone-based therapists.  I use one, because of my work situation.

Remember, just because you're 'different' from 'normal' people doesn't mean you're not okay.  Now go out and find a good therapist to help guide you on your transition journey!

Haz

EDIT: WHOOPS! That's 'Gender Identity Dysphoria', not '-Disorder' -- FYI, Dysphoria is the opposite of euphoria...