So. I finally told a friend who lives locally more in depth about me. She is extremely open minded, cause she kind of has the same thing going on to an extent, even though I feel like I'm pursuing it cause I have more time or something. I have the time to think about it at least. But she's got this HUGE workload at her art school.
In all seriousness... I thank animecons and alcohol. I'm not joking. If it weren't for a bit of Guinness and a fun time, we'd both feel too limited to be honest. But it felt great. I basically gained an older sibling over the course of 1 weekend. We did the same for good measure at the end of the week. I love somebody now, but its not the kind I'm wanting to pursue as a relationship... But I dk. I care about this person so much right now, it almost scares me. I think part of it has to do with the fact that the only other person I've told about things died in a car crash with his sister. I really worry about my friend. I'm going to try to keep her connected to the outside as much as I can through the finals at the school they're in.
I don't trust anyone as much as this person with information. No one. I toasted to our friendship at least 5 times to be safe if that does anything. I told her while we were both drunk that I'd never judge her in any way, and that I've been there seen that. I mean... I go to 4chan. Hahaha. She actually acknowledged me as a girl many times. It felt... Good. Thats the only way I can describe it.
But now she's gonna be in school until May, extremely busy. I feel so lonely here.... Augh. I just hope she gets back in one piece from art school finals so I can confide in her and hang out during summer break. Job or not...
Thats all I can say really. I've almost been rekindled by this person. My artwork, my drive for living, everything. That and antidepressants. There are no words to convey how thankful for her I am.
-"Xen"
