Email Correspondence with HR About Coming Out at Work

[Julie Marie]

I'm curoius to hear the reactions of others to the correspondence I've had thus far with HR.  The mother company is in New York and the woman I'me dealing with there is the Vice President and Senior Director of Human Resources for a company that has about 35,000 employees nationwide.

Hi Jxx-

I have not forgotten you.  I did get a chance to talk with Jxxxxx at corporate.  She is of the opinion that for right now you should continue as you always do.  If you feel that you want to discuss things with management, I.e.;  Dxx, Fxxx, Dxxx etc. That is up to you.  She also suggests that at this point you could just address things on a case by case basis.  When you return to work then obviously things will change at that point.

I hope that makes sense.  Let me know if you have any questions.  If you feel you would like to talk with management I would be happy to sit in with you if you like.  Also if you want to discuss anything directly with Jxxxxx her number is xxx/xxx-xxx or you can email her at Jxxxxx Dxxxxx.....

Thanks-

Jxxx Hxxx

My response:
Hi Jxxx,

I was hoping for some information on corporate procedures and policies regarding LGBT employees.  Are there any?  If so, how can I access them?  I had hoped we could develop a plan on how to handle my transition at work.  I also will be applying for a name change this week.  The process should be complete in about six weeks.  What will I need to do to satisfy company requirements? There's a lot that needs to be discussed and planned.  Any feedback is appreciated.  Thank you.   


Jxxxxx from corporate responded:
(Male name), I admit total embarrassment as I do not know what LGBT stands for. Please provide me with the translation and I will gladly research.
Jxxxxx F. Dxxxxx, MBA, SPHR
Asst. Vice President & Sr. Director, Human Resources

My reply:
Hi Jxxxxx,

LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.  If you want to research it a good place to start is with the Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org).  They have a lot of information there to help employers in dealing properly with transgender (TG) employees.  I am attaching some of the information available.

Based on how other companies have handled the coming out of transgender employees there are many steps that need to be taken to protect both the employee and employer.  Fellow workers need to be made aware what this is and isn't and that discrimination against the transitioning employee will not be tolerated.  A plan needs to be established as to how the transition will occur.  The vast majority of transitioning employees have had no surgeries prior to coming out at work.  There are standards in place that require the TG person to live full time in their identified gender for one year before they will be approved for gender reassignment surgery (GRS).  Two gender specialists have to write letters stating the individual is ready for GRS.  The point is, having the surgery is not the beginning of transition at work but most often the completion of transition.

As for your response to continue as I always do, I went to (my company's HR person) because I can no longer do that.  I have been in transition for two years and many physical changes have taken place making it increasingly difficult to carry on through my day without ambiguous gendering by those who I meet for the first time.  I am also involved heavily in this project and am called on occasionally to make a presentation to a client.  If they meet me as Jxx now and Julie later it is, at the very least, distracting.  One such client was here last Friday.  He's a major player in a $20 million project we are bidding on.  He was so impressed with the presentation he asked me and the assistant PM to hold a lunch and learn at his office.  He met me as Jxx.  If that lunch and learn takes place after I've fully transitioned how am I going to present as female without it being a distraction?  I have also been told there are a couple of jobs being bid they want me to work on as designer/assistant PM.  It would be better to have transitioned by then rather than cause a distraction at the jobsite.   So given my involvement with company projects it makes the best sense to look at this as "the sooner, the better".   

I saw on the HRC website corporate has a program in place for sexual orientation but not gender identity.  I would be more than happy to assist in developing an effective program that will benefit both employee and employer.  I have other resources at my disposal that could aid in developing that program.   

I thank you for your time.  Please feel free to contact me anytime.

Sincerely,   

Julie Moriarty
Design Coordinator


(Male name), good morning.

Thank you for sharing with me your concerns regarding your transition period and your subsequent return to work after surgery. First, I wish you well as you continue your transition, therapy, surgery, and re-entry into the workplace. Secondly, and equally important, I assure you that the Company applies a consistent message in regards to harassment in any form in the workplace - zero tolerance. Lastly, relative to special programs that address the situation(s) you described in your email, I will have to do some research as I am not currently familiar with Company programs that address your unique circumstances. I will however, get back to you within the next few weeks.


JXXXXX F. DXXXXX, MBA, SPHR
Asst. Vice President & Sr. Director, Human Resources

[carol_w]

OMG!!! They don't get it, do they?     I think after all of that, I'd be ready to scream.
Best of luck!

Carol

[kirakero]

Whatever is happening, it's not right.  I almost feel like the person you are corresponding with isn't reading you're emails.  Unfortunately, I have no advice to give as I have not been in such a situation.  I wish you the best in getting to the bottom of this, however!

[Suzy]

My dear Julie,

You are doing your best to educate them.  Looks like there will be a lot more to come.  The good news I see in this is that they have affirmed a couple of things to you in writing:
1.  They have a zero tolerance policy on discrimination.
2.  They plan on you re-entering the work place as Julie.

While it is true that they haven't a clue what they are doing, the good news is that you have a lot of leverage given the above.  As you have already offered, I would ask formally for a meeting at a specific time and date, and have ready some other companies' policies to hand to them.  Find some good policies.  This will no doubt take some work, but I know you can do it.  Then suggest that these are accepted standards and you wish to follow a similar policy. 

You are doing great, honey!  Hang in there.

Kristi

[Steph]

My dear Julie,

You are doing your best to educate them.  Looks like there will be a lot more to come.  The good news I see in this is that they have affirmed a couple of things to you in writing:
1.  They have a zero tolerance policy on discrimination.
2.  They plan on you re-entering the work place as Julie.

While it is true that they haven't a clue what they are doing, the good news is that you have a lot of leverage given the above.  As you have already offered, I would ask formally for a meeting at a specific time and date, and have ready some other companies' policies to hand to them.  Find some good policies.  This will no doubt take some work, but I know you can do it.  Then suggest that these are accepted standards and you wish to follow a similar policy. 

You are doing great, honey!  Hang in there.

Kristi

I have to agree with Kristi, Julie, they are just being prudent.  It's not every day that companies have to deal with employees in our situation.  My employer went though the same thing.  The important issue is that they are being pro-active; my company had very stringent harassment policies in place, however they had no programs or contingency plans in place to deal with our particular situation.  Lets face it they are going to have to be prepared to deal with other employees, and your companies customers reaction to your transition.  In my case  my companies customers were school boards, schools and parents.  Remember, that while our transition is a very personal thing, it also impacts many others.

As Kristi said "Hang in there"

Steph

[Robyn]

Having been through transition at work on a Defense contract and with security clearance, I have some experience in this arena, too.  It sounds as if they truly need to do some homework, Julie, and you have begun the three D's: document, document, document.


I think that if they were going to play dirty, you would already be gone.  So be ready to help them learn and go ahead and begin developing your transition plan.  If you propose a well thought out plan with milestone dates, it may be much easier for HR to tackle.  Is your gender counselor willing to come in for a meeting if need be?

Best wishes/

Robyn

[Julie Marie]

I have told almost everyone who has talked about me coming out at work that this is the world of construction, macho land.  Understanding and compassion are scarce.  They just don't get it.  I figured with 35,000 employees there was an excellent chance there were others who have come before me.  WRONG!  So I am the first but being a pioneer wasn't something I had planned on.  It would have been nice to have at least ONE person to talk to that understands.

As I imagine what the reactions of the guys in the field will be like I sense this will take a lot of courage on my part.  There's a GG in the office trailer I work in who also came from the field.  I've heard a lot of prejudicial talk come from her mouth (not toward me).  There's no doubt she'll have a thing or two to say, mostly behind my back.  Prejudice and intolerance are rampant in this field.

While I realize company policy will stand behind me, I won't let that lull me into a false sense of security.  It's going to be tough and I have to be prepared.  While waiting for them to reply I am developing my plan as to how I'm going to handle all this.  I think this will be the biggest challenge of my life.

Julie

[soldierjane]

I had the same basic response with my HR director... she had no clue about trans policies and as far as she knew I was the first to transition at the company... sheesh. Like someone mentioned up there, they seem to have no problem with you so I'd say you're rolling now Just be yourself and ignore the idiots... they hate nothing more than to see you happy, firm and not giving in one bit to their nastiness.

[buttercup]

Goodluck Julie Marie, I hope it doesn't get nasty at all, but being prepared is a good strategy in case it gets rough.

buttercup 

[cindianna_jones]

Julie,

Yes, they get it.  You are proposing a transition on the job and they are denying it to the hilt.  Their response is what I would expect.

From now on, your documentation should NOT be email.  It should be by written memo, on paper, signed, and copied to relevant sources.  Every thing you submit should be copied to more than one person.

You should also lay out your plan for transition with lee way to accommodate some of their concerns.  No, they may not have dealt with this before.  However, with 35,000 employees, they are very adept at dealing with discriminatory situations.  They will put you off just as long as they can. So, your transition will be up to you.  You will need to set the time table.  You will need to be proactive in the nice bubbly way that Julie always does.

Julie, if you need any advice, please let me know.  I've personally been through one of the worst of one of these situations.  I might be able to help out.

Cindi