Ok, I saw in another post that Steph had mentioned this post and I had some stuff to add to it.
Now that I have been on HRT for some time, I am now feeling more like a woman (female mannerisms come naturally, etc.), but before, I felt like
I should have been a woman. There's a very subtle distinction between the two.
I never felt like a man, everything about it was awkward. I never made love like a man, I never walked like a man, I never talked like a man and many other things I never did that men do. When I came out of denial, I told people that I felt like a woman, but now I realize a more accurate statement would have been "I feel like I should have been born with the body of a woman". Acclimating to the female social role has come very easy and naturally for me; much more natural than in the male social role. My transition has been going quite fast at this point and I already blend very well.
Now I don't
try to be female, I
just be myself. All the other stuff comes naturally. I've even always had woman's intuition. That's one of the lessons I learned so far in transition. I was always hearing stuff about "learning to walk like a woman", "learning to have mannerisms like a woman", "learning to talk like a woman". I soon came to realize that this stuff was for cross-dressers and drag queens, since they still are men. For me it is easy, "just be myself". That has helped me along more than anything else.
During the day, I still have to present as male, but I don't even bother acting like one and people unconsciously treat me the same as when I'm not presenting as male. This leads me to forget that I'm still presenting as male quite often. I'm sure getting called ma'am occasionally just exacerbates that
.
Now my interests are a bit different. I like a variety of things and some are considered masculine and some are considered feminine. However, that doesn't mean I need to give up any interests in the interest of transitioning. I don't care what people think. I was talking to this one guy (while out as female) and I'm pretty sure he never knew I was TS. Anyway, he was "interested" in me and I was telling him some of my interests and accomplishments and I think he was a bit surprised how much I knew. I will not be held in a box and I feel that by me not allowing myself to be place in a box, it helps other woman not feel subjected to being placed in that box either.
So, my point is, it's not whether you "feel like a woman" or not, it's which role you feel is more comfortable for you. Remember, to just be yourself.
Melissa
