When to change my name

[Melissa]

I am not out at my new work yet.  I am wondering about the timetable for changing my name.  I had a pretty good idea for something in the interim.  I have a passport in my male name with picture which works equally as well as a driver's license including buying liquor, since it's federal picture ID.  I was thinking about legally changing my name (in the somewhat near future like a few months) and getting my driver's license updated with the new info.  Then I could use that as ID when presenting as female and my passport if I need to present as male for work, etc.  Would this work?

Or...would it be better and wait until after I come out at work before I get it changed?  I don't feel right asking people who are resistant to my changes to call me Melissa, when that's not my legal name yet.

Thanks, I'm very confused about this and as I get more details layed out, I come up with more things to figure out.  Transition planning at least keeps me from being depressed.

Melissa

[Sheila]

Melissa,
   There isn't any real time line for anything when you start to transition. There isn't any list of what you do first, you do it when you feel comfortable and are ready to change, whatever. Everyone is different and they do it in a different order and in a different timeline. You will know and you won't make any excuses why you are going to change or do something. Like the time I found out that I will be using the ladies restroom from now on. Things like that tend to snowball. You start using your fem. name when they start calling you miss all the time and so your male name really wouldn't work anymore. This is all on your timeline. It maybe different for someone else.
Sheila

[Annie Social]

I've learned two things about transition timelines: first, by time you reach a given point in your plan, everything else has changed. Second, everything will happen faster than you expect; there's a momentum to transitioning that tends to drag us along with it, whether we're ready or not.

As a purely practical matter, it would probably be a good idea to change your name when you transition at work. As I understand it, you are legally required to change your Social Security info if your name changes, and that directly affects your work.

Of course, I don't remember the last time I did anything the practical way!

Annie

[Leigh]

Its tougher to do when you are doing the two state deal. 

If you do a name change it only effects things when you start the changes.  You can have the court document and not change one thing.  Once you do, its easier and less confusing to chnage everything.

When you do a name change for SSA they will not do the gender marker until surgery has been completed.  If SSA does a record ck and there are differences, they will notify your employer so its best to make sure they are included in the informationial loop.

Leigh

[Dennis]

I changed my name legally 5 months before I started using it full time. I told people that my legal name was Dennis and if they felt comfortable using it, that was cool, but it was not going to be an option after September (this was April).

I suggested Den as an alternative, which some people still use, including people who didn't know me before. Guess it's just a natural derivative of Dennis. Some people who knew me before felt more comfortable changing to Den. And actually, it feels more comfortable to me, tbh, notwithstanding that I've been Dennis legally for more than a year and socially for 8 months.

And ID-wise, I waited till after chest surgery to change it because I was travelling to the US for surgery and post-Bush, they've been awfully weird about ID, so I thought if all else failed, I'd travel south as female and north as male. Which is what I did. I had a little trouble passing going south and none whatsoever going north, even though my ID didn't match my gender presentation. They all just looked at it and said 'thank you sir' and sent me on my way. It was a bit of a struggle presenting as female going south probably because I was SO uncomfortable with it.

Dennis

[Melissa]

Its tougher to do when you are doing the two state deal. 

If you do a name change it only effects things when you start the changes.  You can have the court document and not change one thing.  Once you do, its easier and less confusing to chnage everything.

When you do a name change for SSA they will not do the gender marker until surgery has been completed.  If SSA does a record ck and there are differences, they will notify your employer so its best to make sure they are included in the informationial loop.

Leigh

Thank you.  That is more the answer I was looking for.  I didn't think of changing it and not updating documents.  The 2 state deal is not really tougher.  I just change it in the state I reside in and then propogate the change to other areas of my life when the time is right.

Thanks to all the others who replied as well, especially Dennis.  I liked hearing an example of somebody who made the change before going fulltime.

Melissa