Well I figured that it was about time that I introduced myself. I've lurked for some time before becoming a member and then lurked more before posting. I am a MTF transgender. I've known that I was "different" since I was about 7 yrs old but could never put my finger on it. It was especially hard during puberty for me. I grew up in foster homes all my life and in one of the homes is when I was diagnosed with GID. At the time, I had no idea what that was. Of course now, almost 41, I understand completely. I was adopted twice, both failed because of this "disorder". It wasn't until last year that I finally came to terms that I am transgender. Ever since then, I am more at peace with myself. I have stuggled with this for so long because of how I grew up. "Your a boy so stop playing with girls" I was told. "Don't play with the dolls." "Leave the girls cloths alone." The last foster home I was in were very religious. And prejudice. It was always preached that men don't wear dresses and women don't wear pants and if you do, you go to hell. I tried to conform. I really did. Tried to "pray" myself to be what I was born to as but it just didn't work. The foster parents said I was challenged.
I joined the Marine Corps. to convince myself that I was a man. They said I had a "personality disorder" and that I didn't conform to their standards. I tried the church thing. All I heard was how wrong this was or that was wrong. They preached against enter-racial marriages, women cutting there hair or jewelry.
I became more confused than you could possibly imagine. It wasn't until I learned what the word "transgender" meant. Wow, what an eye opener. I've always cross dressed for as long as I can remember. Thats why the adoptions failed. But I felt more myself when I dressed that way so how could I be wrong. I know my biological family and kept this side of me private for many years. Little did I know that my aunt and my cousin knew all along. At least in away. They thought that I was gay. When I finally sent my cousin an email and told her, she was very supportive. I couldn't believe that she was ok with it. I haven't told any one else yet. I'm saving that for a camping trip next month. I've decided to tell my step sister and her daughter. We are very close and she wants to move where I am so I think I better be honest with her. I am starting to look into transitioning at the first of the year. I'm just not sure where to begin. I'm slowly coming out of my shell about this but I do fear retaliation. But for me to be "ME", I must do this for my own sanity and well being.
BTW: I live in Bend Oregon so if there are any oregonians out there close by, I would REALLY appreciate some advise, direction. I still feel pretty isolated.
