Going from male to female unconsciously

[Aurora Polaris]

Hi,
This is my first post (except for the introduction)

Well I have a male body and have some gender issues (the extreme shortversion of my story).
Last summer I had a couple of months where I was female (mentally) and it felt good, more than good, I felt alive. All of a sudden I started to have some aggression outburst (inside myself) and went from female to male. I couldn´t stop it... but I wanted to stop it because I don´t like this male character. As a male I´m extremely controlling, how I walk, what I say etc. Now I have managed to be a little more the way I need to be to feel good about myself when I´m alone.

My question is has anyone had the experience where you, unconsciously, go from female to male/male to female?
and if yes, how do you deal with it?

[Kir]

I am somewhat of a mirror in a way. If I am with a bunch of guys, I am generally considered a guy myself, and if I'm with girls, I tend to be a girl. Unless I'm in a feisty or flirtatious mood, in which case I will generally be the opposite gender of those around me. Mostly, it's not a conscious thing, and I couldn't even say that most of the time I am even aware that I am doing it.

I personally find it less jarring to be more fluid, and just kinda switch between them and just let things happen. I don't try and suppress my masculine or my feminine tendencies, otherwise I find myself feeling angsty and longing to find on outlet for that particular side of me.

I can't say if this is anything like what you are talking about. It's kind of hard to know what someone else is thinking or feeling over the net, but your words at least sound familiar to my situation (although it sounds like yours is a bit more... something...)

[lady amarant]

I find myself unconsciously adjusting to "blend" when I'm around men - I'm not very comfortable around guys, so I seem to just shift into deeper voice, squared shoulders, etc. before I even know it. I hate that it sneaks up on me like that, but it's something I'm working at really hard. It's not a psychological shift though - I still identify strongly as female, it's really just a protection mechanism.

On the other hand, when I'm around people I know, or who I know aren't a threat, I tend to just act naturally, as my real, female self. And even though I'm not out at work, I find that people sense the difference, even if only subconsciously - the women at work have started reacting quite differently to me 0 way more open and relaxed, whereas the guys tend to be quite uncomfortable around me. I don't do anything overtly different, but I think it's just a question of the body-language and voice and stuff being very-much at odds with the picture they see.

[NickSister]

Hi Aurora,

Do you mind of I pry a bit?

Was there anything going on at the time you 'became' female, and back to male again? Just interested in knowing whether something external triggered this change and back again.

[Jaimey]

I find myself unconsciously adjusting to "blend" when I'm around men - I'm not very comfortable around guys, so I seem to just shift into deeper voice, squared shoulders, etc. before I even know it. I hate that it sneaks up on me like that, but it's something I'm working at really hard. It's not a psychological shift though - I still identify strongly as female, it's really just a protection mechanism.

On the other hand, when I'm around people I know, or who I know aren't a threat, I tend to just act naturally, as my real, female self. And even though I'm not out at work, I find that people sense the difference, even if only subconsciously - the women at work have started reacting quite differently to me 0 way more open and relaxed, whereas the guys tend to be quite uncomfortable around me. I don't do anything overtly different, but I think it's just a question of the body-language and voice and stuff being very-much at odds with the picture they see.

switch all the male to female and vice versa and that's me.  I'm much more tense around women.  I also (especially when I was younger) will become more angry around women or when I feel I'm being pushed to be a woman (I'm female bodied).  If I feel like I'm being confined, I become more aggressive and angry.  I think my femininity/masculinity can be tied to the seasons a bit.  I tend to dress more effeminately in the spring and summer and more masculinely in the fall/winter...could just be because I'd rather wear a skirt than shorts, but I have noticed the pattern (I hate shorts...there's just something unnatural about them...capri pants are okay though and I have seen boys in Japanese anime/manga/movies/dramas who wear the male version of capris...so I consider them gender neutral)...if that makes any sense.

[Aurora Polaris]

Hi Aurora,

Do you mind of I pry a bit?

Was there anything going on at the time you 'became' female, and back to male again? Just interested in knowing whether something external triggered this change and back again.

This is a interesting question. The only thing I can think of is me questioning my own feelings... things like "Hey, what are you doing? You are a guy, stop this it´s disturbing" and "People will laugh at me and my friends would stop talk to me".

I find myself unconsciously adjusting to "blend" when I'm around men - I'm not very comfortable around guys, so I seem to just shift into deeper voice, squared shoulders, etc. before I even know it. I hate that it sneaks up on me like that, but it's something I'm working at really hard. It's not a psychological shift though - I still identify strongly as female, it's really just a protection mechanism.

On the other hand, when I'm around people I know, or who I know aren't a threat, I tend to just act naturally, as my real, female self. And even though I'm not out at work, I find that people sense the difference, even if only subconsciously - the women at work have started reacting quite differently to me 0 way more open and relaxed, whereas the guys tend to be quite uncomfortable around me. I don't do anything overtly different, but I think it's just a question of the body-language and voice and stuff being very-much at odds with the picture they see.

This sounds very familiar to me. I actually feel comfortable around guys I know, it´s a relief to be around a man who is confident in his gender and wants to do all the "male-stuff" so that I don´t have to do it. >

At work I´m surrounded by women and I don´t doubt that they have some thoughts about me but they probably just assume that I´m gay.

[Pica Pica]

i did swap around...but i settled down and became confident in myself as andro - which to be honest is the same person i am when I had never asked gender questions - only with the hollowness missing. Maybe you need to swing around to find the comfortable middle.

[ambientdischord]

I feel like I've got something similar.  I have an alternate persona that is my straight, domineering male side that literally infects my personality with cynicism and egotism.  One of the big reasons I have such bad gender dysphoria (and am therefore neutrois) is because of this male side.  Although, even if it were gone, I wouldn't consider myself female.  I am pretty feminine, but I don't consider myself to have a gender most of the time. 

I thought I was alone in this!  Good to hear someone else is dealing with something similar.

[Constance]

I find myself unconsciously adjusting to "blend" when I'm around men - I'm not very comfortable around guys, so I seem to just shift into deeper voice, squared shoulders, etc. before I even know it. I hate that it sneaks up on me like that, but it's something I'm working at really hard. It's not a psychological shift though - I still identify strongly as female, it's really just a protection mechanism.

On the other hand, when I'm around people I know, or who I know aren't a threat, I tend to just act naturally, as my real, female self. And even though I'm not out at work, I find that people sense the difference, even if only subconsciously - the women at work have started reacting quite differently to me 0 way more open and relaxed, whereas the guys tend to be quite uncomfortable around me. I don't do anything overtly different, but I think it's just a question of the body-language and voice and stuff being very-much at odds with the picture they see.

Wow, this post was a revelation about myself. When I feel I want or need to be taken more seriously, I, too, square the shoulders and deepen my voice. I've always been a bit slow on the uptake, but I've just now realized how insanely sexist this is.

Ick.

[Seshatneferw]

When I feel I want or need to be taken more seriously, I, too, square the shoulders and deepen my voice. I've always been a bit slow on the uptake, but I've just now realized how insanely sexist this is.

It's not necessarily sexist, it's just the way humans are. Panic makes the voice go shrill, so keeping it deep gives an impression of calm authority. Most of the 'how to make unruly kids behave' type of guides tell moms to do just that.

  Nfr

[Pica Pica]

and all animals square up

[Constance]

Hmm. OK, so I guess it's more instinctual then? Feels like I'm devolving.  ;-)

[lostandconfused]

Whoa, me too . My voice and behavior changes depending on who I'm around... Although I do kinda prefer the female alter ego of me :p

[samanthawhalen]

I find myself unconsciously adjusting to "blend" when I'm around men - I'm not very comfortable around guys, so I seem to just shift into deeper voice, squared shoulders, etc. before I even know it. I hate that it sneaks up on me like that, but it's something I'm working at really hard. It's not a psychological shift though - I still identify strongly as female, it's really just a protection mechanism.

On the other hand, when I'm around people I know, or who I know aren't a threat, I tend to just act naturally, as my real, female self. And even though I'm not out at work, I find that people sense the difference, even if only subconsciously - the women at work have started reacting quite differently to me 0 way more open and relaxed, whereas the guys tend to be quite uncomfortable around me. I don't do anything overtly different, but I think it's just a question of the body-language and voice and stuff being very-much at odds with the picture they see.

I just read your post, and saw myself.    Except, I'm not a rabbit.  I couldn't be that lucky (sorry for the pun), lol.  Guys seem so uncomfortable around me, and when I RELAX and be myself, females tend to be very accepting of me.