Crying

[cindybc]

Hi Lisbeth, well you can use my shoulder to cry on if you wish. Only got a small shoulder but still plenty of room there for someone to cry on.

Cindy

Posted on: May 04, 2008, 09:28:27 PMHi Shades O'Grey

My wife is most likely to cry when she's angry, and she hates that. When she's angry, she wants to seem ... I'm not sure of the right word ... intimidating, perhaps. She feels that her anger isn't taken seriously if she cries

That I can truly attest to, *Hell hath not the fury of a woman scorned.*

Yes, I have personally had the experience of being a woman scorned. She feels that in order to establish her position on what she feels, she will find it necessary to exert her disapproval or displeasure to the n-^th degree to make her feelings understood.  This is business as usual.  Turn her away, leave her for another, or leave her to be the woman you really are and she will be most difficult to deal with; a woman scorned. 

Cindy

[Just Mandy]

When I was little I used to cry a lot and I mean a LOT.  I even used to cry because I cried so much.  People would make fun of my at school because I used to cry. 

Boys aren't supposed to cry. 

Now though, I really don't cry much at all.  I taught myself how not to. 

I got made fun of too and you can teach yourself not to cry... or for me not to FEEL anything... I
was like the ice princess from about 12 on.... really scary because I did not laugh, cry, yell, get
excited or show any emotions really.

If I recall you have not started HRT yet... I think you will find that an interesting
experience.

Amanda

[buttercup]

I cry for many different reasons.  If I get really angry, I will cry.  If I get frustrated, I will cry.
I cry when I feel sorry for myself, I cry when I see the news and the injustices in this world,
I cry when someone hurts me, I cry if I hurt myself, I cry at a tear jerker movie or a feel good movie,
I cry when I say goodbye, I cry alone mostly and feel better afterwards,
but have cried in front of others on a few occasions. Freaks everyone out, especially if I'm driving! 



So basically, I am a cry baby!  But its my little secret.  >

[Moira Midnigh]

I got made fun of too and you can teach yourself not to cry... or for me not to FEEL anything... I
was like the ice princess from about 12 on.... really scary because I did not laugh, cry, yell, get
excited or show any emotions really.

I'm still like that. I can't recall the last time I yelled or cried in public. Heck, even when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself, I don't let it show.

It's scary, yeah. I still get surprised at how void of emotion I can be sometimes. I don't let myself show any sign of pshysical pain either.

Someone once remarked that she'd never seen me happy. I had to reflect upon that, and I found that she was right and it scared me.

I'm never angry any more, either. I just feel nothing, show nothing.


~Moi

[cindybc]

Hi Moira Midnigh and Amanda I have once been where you two talk about. Not a nice place to be. Well you have heard how some people will slice their wrists, not in attempt to suicide but do it just to assure themselves that they are still alive. Can you imagine being void of feelings to that depth? Well I thought I was going to be the smarty pants and do the same thing by stabbing myself in the palms of my hands with an ice pick. Well let me say that once I regained my senses and feelings again, I could have got on my knees and kissed my shrink's feet.

You want to bet that I cherished every sensation and feelings that came to me after the Estrogen. I felt blessed. Something nobody will ever steal from me again. Those who have hurt me are no longer part of my life.

I have Wing Walker and her big heart with the capacity to love like I have never before felt from anyone else except for my mom when I was a kid.

Cindy 

[Moira Midnigh]

I have turned to physical pain as well, just to prove to myself that I could feel something at least. I'm starting to worry those scars will never go away, but I guess I deserved that for my stupidity.

Sometimes, I just think it's all my fault I ended up like this. I don't know, am I to blame for what's happened to me?

So anyway. I get these days when everything just seems hopeless and I can't even let the tears out or shout, but I can just pretend to ignore it and stare blankly ahead while my mind's racing in thirteen directions at once. Is it so strange that I have a hard time concentrating, then?


~Moi

[cindybc]

Honey, that's exactly the problem, there will be scars that will stay there until you get on the Grey Hound bus to take you away to the cosmos. That was why I used an ice pic, can't hardly see the scars, but enough to remind me where I came from and it keeps me humbled. Thank God that life of hell is back there somewhere and this is my new life, which I Cherish it and love it today. Transition didn't only change my gender it changed my entire conception of life as well. I get my ups and downs, but if I get to feeling down to long, I go out and find me somebody to rescue.

Cindy   

[nickie]

Lately, it seems like just about every day. Sometimes it's because I'm happy, and sometimes it's because I'm sad. Sometimes I could water the garden with my tears, and become as dehydrated as desert sand.

[deviousxen]

I have to get drunk to cry.

I usually do too... Which kind of disturbs me. My emotional mechanism is now almost "clogged" if you will. This is one trigger than unclogs it, cause the walls go away.

I did lose it a couple weeks back, but it was only when I triggered it on purpose. I looked at the pictures of my friend I missed, and I kept the fit going because I needed it.

I really wish I could just cry right now, cause nothing is going right in my life. The few links I have that are strong, I miss bitterly, whether they be dead or alive, and the others are weak links at best.

I'm no alcoholic though... At least not yet. I can't find myself to drink when I feel I have accomplished nothing. I only do it occasionally, and the last few times I did, I was extremely soft in mindset. It seems my fully feminine side emerges when I'm drunk, and so does everything truthful. Everything I want to do, I end up doing without the major limits. Not bad things... But being a bit too informative. I can thank it for helping me tell a friend about it all, but I kind of wish I didn't break down around them...

I REALLY want to cry right now. I'm completely alone...

[cindybc]

Hi, nickie,

Here is a post I wrote in another thread that I thought kind of fits right into this thread's topic quite well:

It seems, well not just seems, I know from experience that our sensitivities on all levels are intensified after some time being on HRT. The crying and tears can be out of sentiment or sadness, happiness, or crying and laughing both at the same time, sometimes for no apparent reasons whatsoever.

One affect I have discovered that was quite sobering was that when both are equally intense, negativity and positive feelings get to a point where they are impossible to tell one from the other. They are equally as deep, so I turn this energy back in the form of prayer to Universe.

And then there is the silly crying. I enjoy it because I never before really let myself feel these feelings. Through this experience I have discovered just how valuable the the ability to shed tears is. Deep cleansing and healing through the shedding of tears.

As for being hugged by other people, that depends on what I feel inside of them, if I feel uncomfortable with some I will not approach them. But if I feel that warmth inside another then I do love to feel their energy.  Unfortunately I have only met a few people with whom I felt that type of energy

When I get weepy I listen to this song (see links below). Imagine energy of every color of every description radiating into the Earth's atmosphere spreading healing energy for all in the world. May sound kind of silly but those are my feelings.





Cindy

[kotafiend]

omg i hate crying so much. i try to avoid it as much as possible.. its like one of my phobias.. yes i know its weird.. my other one is puking..

[Carolyn]

Just thinking about life, everything. My friends, My Family, ect. I cry mainly when I think about my friend James, and only because he was so close to me, and now he tries everything in his power to hurt me it seems like. But I do cry for joy when I think about my future with Damion

[Elwood]

At least once a week.

I cry sometimes because I'm overjoyed and happy, but usually because I'm depressed and I feel very uncomfortable with my body. So uncomfortable that my body will go as far as to frighten me. The fear of never being who I am, the fear of never passing, the fear of developing more rapidly. I have a lot of fears about my transition. It never happening, or happening too late... I fear my growth plates will close sooner than I'd like and I'll stay 5'3". I have a lot of reasons to cry besides transgender issues, but those issues have been really eating at me recently.

[deviousxen]

I cry about similar stuff.

I think the only crying that isn't beneficial to me is something my mom inflicted on me. Cause otherwise its for my late friend, happiness, shock, fear, fear of the future, stress, and bits of love I guess.

It also moisturizes my eyes...

So bad and good...

[Hypatia]

omg i hate crying so much. i try to avoid it as much as possible.. its like one of my phobias.. yes i know its weird.. my other one is puking..

crying:upset emotions::puking:upset stomach 

"better out than in"

[Lisbeth]

omg i hate crying so much. i try to avoid it as much as possible.. its like one of my phobias.. yes i know its weird.. my other one is puking..

crying:upset emotions::puking:upset stomach 

"better out than in"

For me crying means not being able to breath.  I get these massive histamine reactions when I cry.

[Stealthgrrl]

Goodness, when I was in the last spiralling flame-out of my apparently male existence, I had got to where I NEVER cried, or felt much else, either. I genuinely wondered whether i had lost the capacity to feel real joy.

Now, I cry LOTS. And the overwhelming majority of the time it isn't sadness, though it can be. It can be any strong emotion. All my emotions came back, and I love it!!!!!!! Say something sweet to me and I'll cry. Show me something sad or brave and I'll cry. Making love makes me cry. PMS makes me cry lol.

Hey, I love it this way, and I can use up all the tissues I want, they'll make more.

sings: she's a reallllllll emotional girrrrrrl......

Stealth

[April221]

I've always cried. Ever since I was a little girl, for many different reasons. Since I've started HRT,  emotionally, I've been more stable, more solidly grounded. I still cry, but not as often.

[cindybc]

That person who used to be before I was, was in full retreat, a hermit in his dark little cave. He didn't have any feelings and did not much like having too many people around him. He killed his feeling because he couldn't dare or bear to feel them. They were too painful to feel. So for a time this person was emotionless. He finally surrendered to his master, alcohol, and was set free but still unable to feel.

For me it started very slowly by caring for those whom had sunk deeper than I, like, you know, the blind leading the blind? But in time I came to be healed of much of my wounds and what finalised the pact between he and she is that he surrendered by putting his weapon on the ground and shouted, "I will fight no more. He then proceeded to lay upon his cape on the stone slab and drifted off to the nether lands.

It was after this separation that I came to the full awareness of who I was, who was in charge of the inner self, and I found such a treasure of emotions that I would never have guessed there were.

Love thyself.

Cindy   

[fluffy jorgen]

Every three months.
I time it to the day, to the hour.