Relationship is in jepordy

[mattlabayan]

So... Im tired, and alone. A big part of why my engaged relationship is going down the tubes is cause Im a pre op ftm. I have only been dealt so many cards in my life.... but now she say that she doesnt want to wait around for everything to get done. She wants kids.

I know that i have been lacking in the intimate part of the whole thing. But its cause the body image things are really taking its toll on me. Now its taking a toll on her. Supposedly she wants to live this Kim Kardashian life style... but things come with patience and hard work. There are many issues.... but I cant help but to relay them back to me not being a bio guy.

She is happy today... considering the angry make up sex. But I didnt wake up with the conviction that everything was going to be okay. Today she is acting like nothing ever happened... did she just need a good lay? Is she creating all these other issues to make me go away cause she cant deal with ftm stuff? Does she just need more intimacy from me despite my insecurities?

I think that I fear starting over again. I have done it many times... and I m so tired of it. Im sure we all have gone through the same. But its like man- does any normal girl apreciate an ftm boi?

Im very alone... and I think that I know that one day she will be gone... gone for the guy with the fat wallet... and nice car... she cant even tell her parents that we are together after 3 years. Im sure when she finds all the materialistic BS that she needs- or thinks she needs..... she will have nothing else to show for it. Its hard to find a good guy out there... especially one that does not take advantage of you. I dont want her to end up like all the other women out there... but I understand that people need to make their own mistakes.

I guess im staying with her..... Knowing all the risks involved... running with it till I hit a brick wall.

Thanks for listening.... No one that I know is going through the same thing.. so i turn to you.

Posted on: March 22, 2008, 01:33:44 PMThanks NERO>> where ever you are

[tekla]

she wants to live this Kim Kardashian life style... but things come with patience and hard work.

It also helps to have Robert Kardashian as a dad, ain't no money like inherited money.

nd I think that I know that one day she will be gone... gone for the guy with the fat wallet... and nice car... Im sure when she finds all the materialistic BS that she needs- or thinks she needs..... she will have nothing else to show for it.

Well, except for all that material stuff.  Anyway, it sure sounds like Kim Kardashian to me.

[mattlabayan]

I know. I dont know.... Im lost. People suck... especially people who dont respect us.

[tekla]

People have a right to want what they want.

[buddhascamera]

sounds rough.
I lost two girlfriends early early in my second attempt at ftm transition (I am staying with it this time, last time, I didn't get enough support, in the 90s).

Sounds like she may not be a good match, but only you can ultimately tell that.
It can be hard to know what to do, probably best to just try to take good care of yourself, and set boundaries with her as you need to, and wait and see what seems like the right next steps.

I am not a fan of the Kim Kardashian lifestyle -- from the soundsof your post, you aren't either, so....maybe this won't end up a good match, but only you can know.
Joseph

[mattlabayan]

Ya I know.. We finally talked it over... and I guess she had another nervous break down. A lot of it was centered around the whole intamacy thing.. lack there of. I think the important thing to remember is... Of course we all have issues, issues with self image and all that. However, we cannot forget about those that suffer along with us. One mans burden is another persons sorrow.

I totally have that feeling that all us bois have about ourselves... but in no way can we let that interfear with the person that we love. Is it more important to self loath and risk your relationship? For me no. She may be a lot of things... and what was previously described of her was a misunderstanding. However she wants what every other woman wants.. to be loved, apreciated, taken care of etc...

We have a bigger responsiblity to be the boyfriends, gentlemen, husbands, fathers, and sons.... that we were once robbed of. The mission to reclaim what is rightfully ours is something no one can ever take from us. However, let us all remember the people who supported us along the way... it took them just as much courage to go through it.