Hi there.
I joined in a few days ago, and just found this introduction spot.
I am 41 yo with a small bunch of kids, spread across a 14 yr spectrum.
I was born with girl parts, but from age 2.5 or so was aware I didn't feel like a girl, and was supposed to be part of the boys groups.
I was anorexic in my teens, trying to not have my body develop, and then, recovered mostly from that, and in my late twenties, started to "naturally" transition, but without clear support, and I really didn't think I could ever climb the mountains of surgery and hormones, and got very negative support from psychologists I consulted at the time (not gender specialists), so I abandoned transitioning, and went deeper into myself. I spent decades trying to heal, and by the time I was 37, had some very severe physical health issues, that I believe were from all the suppression. Somehow, I finally found the courage at that point to begin a committed transition, and get real, solid help. I began living full time around that time.
I started on Testosterone over 15 months ago, and that has gone well. My beard continues to grow in. I would like more muscles, and less fat, and am hoping to feel up to working out once I recover from recent chest surgery.
I am right now in the throes of recovering from chest surgery, including a recent complication, 8 days out from surgery (16 days ago or so), where I had severe, fast, internal bleeding on one side. That side looks very different, and had to begin much of its healing all over. I am very very wiped out (still recovering from long standing chronic fatigue / immue issues, and this has been hard).
I also am trying to figure out / handle how to handle my kids' relationship with their grandparents, who I guess are moderately respectful of me now -- they generally call me no name or pronoun when I am around -- but they want to have the 7 yr old an 18 yr old for visits this summer, and I think they call me old names and pronouns when I am not around. Can't probably make the decision for the 18 yr old, who my mother tells me has just decided to spend the summer with them (yes, the child doesn't live with me, lives with her other father, and is not telling me this herself). Anyways......dealing iwth that, and with the emotional repurcussions of chest surgery after having a large large chest, which is intense, decades of grief, as well as living in a small town with few people who are trans around (know a couple of stealth people, but they are sort of stressed themselves, and not wanting to be id ed as trans).
My sister hasn't spoken to me for two years, and is trying to get my parents to remove some finanical supports they have offered in response to my years of illness (I am now disabled), and my brother is caught in the middle, kind of supportive, but hates being in the middle. My mother does NOT support me transitioning, and says this somewhat often, but father is a bit more okay about it, though not obviously tryin gto help anyone else do a better job.
I focus on developing friendships with trans people, and am finding out, still, who my real friends are, as several straight, non trans friends cannot deal with the fact that I chose to have chest surgery, and recently told me that.
Another interesting thing about me is I also found out three years ago that I am on the Autism Spectrum, and have Asperger's Syndrome, which explains a lot about me, and understanding that about me helped me to finally understand and face my gender expression issues, and come out fully as transsexual.
I have been using my time recovering to listen to additional buddhist talks on my new ipod, and that has been helpful, to try to develop more of an attitude of "nonattachment" to how others respond to me, and how I resopnd to life.
Thanks for listening, and I am glad to find this community, that I had heard about for a long time.
All my best.
Joseph
