I don't have immediate plans to transition into living as a woman for a lot of reasons... But I've become convinced that I should have been born female.. I joke often that the most masculine things I do are "grow facial hair and watch football," but there's really something underneath the surface.
My mother still tells the story about how I would have been given the same name if I had been born a girl, and I wonder if my life would have been happier/easier/better if I had been.
I used to get mistaken for a girl a lot before puberty, and one of my fondest childhood memories is dressing up like a girl and singing "It's My Party" when I was 9 for a show my family used to put on at nursing homes. I started dressing up in my older sisters' clothes secretly around that point too.
I vividly remember taking one of those surveys in a "psychology of sex roles" class in college about whether one had "masculine" or "feminine" traits, and I pegged the needle on feminine. I am a very emotional person, to the point of taking zoloft to "take the edge off." I also sometimes feel like I am a better "mother" to my infant son than my wife is... I wish I could stay home with him full time rather than work. Even my wife has told me I have a lot of "good feminine qualities."
I find myself daydreaming about the kind of woman I might have turned out to be, even though no one would ever guess that this bearded, loud, passionate sports fan/movie geek secretly wishes he was Tina Fey or Jenna Fischer...
I used to crossdress back in college, and the temptation is still there, but I'm wayyyyy back in the closet now... I've dated a lot of MTF and FTM transfolks over the years (and still find them very attractive), and I think part of why I have is to live vicariously through those who have the courage to actually be who they want to be.
I've talked to my wife in the past about this, and it didn't go well. She is afraid I'd leave her if I transitioned, and it's a legitmate fear. Right now, the choice is between being a woman or having my family... It's a terrible place to be.
I've also had thoughts recently that I might be an androgyne, so I'm a total mess :-]
It's great to be here, everyone. I'd love to make some new friends.
