Me and my wife are over

Melissa · May 12, 2006, 08:23:59 PM

Several members here are familiar with my wife Shari. I'm just letting you know that we are over now. She decided she needed to be with a man (both mentally and physically, but especially mentally). The "male act" I had put on for the last 8 years had served it's purpose, but she doesn't want the real me. I already cried over it and I am still feeling stressed plus the loss over the past week. I am just now able to post something about it. Don't think anything bad of her, it just happens. At least it puts less constraints on my transition.

Melissa

Kate · May 12, 2006, 08:31:48 PM

Quote from: Melissa on May 12, 2006, 08:23:59 PM
Several members here are familiar with my wife Shari. I'm just letting you know that we are over now. She decided she needed to be with a man (both mentally and physically, but especially mentally). The "male act" I had put on for the last 8 years had served it's purpose, but she doesn't want the real me. I already cried over it and I am still feeling stressed plus the loss over the past week. I am just now able to post something about it. Don't think anything bad of her, it just happens. At least it puts less constraints on my transition.

Oh geez Melissa, I am SO sorry... god... my heart goes out to you. Geez, you're making me cry... I don't know what to say. I'd love to give ya some virtual hugs. I'm thinkin' about ya. Please know we're all here for ya, as much as this medium allows anyway.

Does she still want to be friends? I guess it's probably too soon to make any predictions... you're both going to need some time now to allow things to sort themselves out and realign into something new...

Melissa · May 12, 2006, 08:33:32 PM

Yes, she want to be friends, which is still great. I think we make great friends.

Melissa

Kimberly · May 12, 2006, 10:07:04 PM

Oh Melissa... I am SO sorry!
... ^*HUG*

NightAngel · May 12, 2006, 10:20:55 PM

Oh no Melissa, I'm SO sorry to hear this ... I wish I could help somehow

.

*a BIG hug*

Michelle

Chaunte · May 12, 2006, 10:46:39 PM

Melissa,

I am SO terribly sorry! I wish I could be there to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on. What can I/we do?

::: HUGS!:::

Chaunte

Annie Social · May 12, 2006, 11:01:55 PM

Melissa, I know there's nothing any of us can do or say that will help the situation, but just remember that we're all here feeling for you. I only wish we could do more; perhaps by sharing your hurt, it will be diluted just a little.

Hang in there...

*Hugs*

Annie

Dennis · May 13, 2006, 03:21:04 AM

Melissa and Shari, I'm sorry for both of you. This is a really tough thing to go through. I'm glad you can still be friends, your children need that.

Melissa, good for you for being strong enough to know that this is what you need and that you have to do it.

Shari, good for you for being strong enough to make a very hard decision and convey it, kindly I hope (and I'm assuming from Melissa's posts), to your partner.

I hope the best for both of you and most of all for your children, who really need to know and love both their parents.

/hugs

Dennis

HelenW · May 13, 2006, 10:35:18 AM

Melissa, Shari,

Words fail me.

I read this post last night and just sat here at my desk, wondering, remembering (my first wife left me, I know what it feels like), hurting, wishing and hoping that this will make both of you happier in the long run. I anticipated my emotions if this fate should befall me and my wife and this made it even harder.

Please keep being good to yourselves and to each other and please allow me to join in your mourning at the end of this relationship with hopes for a better one in the future.

helen

Melissa · May 13, 2006, 12:41:49 PM

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I went out last night (as the real me and passed quite well) and I had a great time. This was the first time I actually felt happy since we went to just friends mode. I had thought this was coming and had mentally prepared myself for quite a while beforehand. This didn't make it any easier initially, but it really helped with recovering quickly. By preparing myself, I meant I kept looking at all the good things I would have if this did happen. Going out as a single girl was one of those things and I experienced that and I had a blast. One of the nice things is that there are not going to be any battles over the kids. We are both going to continue being their parents.

Melissa

Kate Thomas · May 13, 2006, 02:43:58 PM

Melissa
my heart goes out to you in these troubled times. It good that you can look at the positive side and take comfort in the future.
KateAlice

Robyn · May 13, 2006, 07:29:24 PM

Melissa, I'm sorry for the pain each of you must be feeling. It sounds as if you are parting with love, though. That will help, and the pain will recede.

Many of us go through this, but my husband and I can report that love could come again. When you accept that you can live alone without being lonely, someone new will probably come into your life.

Hang in there, both of you.

stephanie_craxford · May 13, 2006, 11:52:25 PM

Hello Melissa.

At times like this words seem so meaningless, but know that we are there for you as we have always been. I think it would be safe to say that, for couples, this is one of our biggest fears and it takes so much courage to realize and make the decisions that you and Shari had to make.

Transition is hard enough but to be faced with complications such as this does not help. Gill and I have discussed this eventuality on a regular basis, and we have agreed that should our own personal happiness depends on the break up our relationship then so be it, we will do it as friends. However having said that saying the words is easy, doing the deed takes courage, the courage that both you and Shari have shown.

it's pointless for me to ramble on so I will simply say that my thoughts are with you both hoping that your futures will make you both truly happy.

Steph

Kendall · May 14, 2006, 12:14:33 PM

I'm sorry that destiny seems to have changed. Last that I remember she was pretty active on the boards and you were working through the church issue. It must hurt inside experiencing it. Even confusing and disorienting. I know I would be lost and try to grasp at something. But I guess with the real you, she must be real and true also, and if towards the other way it is thats how it must be. But at least now you have found the real you, and can work from there to build a basis. Starting with the confident knowledge that you are worth it, important, good, and true. Then branch out from there. Hugs.

Melissa · May 14, 2006, 01:12:36 PM

Thanks for the replies. It means a lot to me that others care about me.

Kendra, just to let you know, the church issue was never resolved. I'm waiting until further along in my transition (actually I almost went today) to start going to another church where they don't know me as male.

Melissa

Leela Rani · May 14, 2006, 01:35:53 PM

I have not had the courage to tell my wife (!) that I am not any longer the man she thought she married but really she is living with a SHE for the last 10 years or more.

I wish I could be honest and tell her who I really am within. But I cannot face the consequences. So I will have to keep pretending to be what I really am not.

I really do not know whether it is good for you both to have faced the reality instead of leading a phony life as I have been doing.

Leela

Melissa · May 14, 2006, 01:51:32 PM

To be honest, I'd rather have it this way than the way it was before. I don't need my wife to live. Of course I do have the advantage of being young enough to find someone else in the future.

Melissa

Annie Social · May 14, 2006, 02:29:38 PM

Melissa, I just had to comment on your new photo. You look great!

Melissa · May 14, 2006, 02:32:50 PM

Melissa

Leela Rani · May 18, 2006, 11:23:57 AM

It was not just lack of courage that prevents me to do what I am feeling miserable to divulge. There are various other compelling factors which are in the way. I cannot really express the intensity of my feelings and how miserable I am every minute of the day to live as a woman. Nature has really played tricks with me. But unfortunately, I can do nothing but pass the days without any light at the end of the tunnel.

Leela

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