Is there life after TS?

[Just Mandy]

That is the question I have for those of you that are 24/7 and are living as female.

I've been around susan's about 6 months now and I've seen a lot of the same issues, fights, topics come
up over and over. I know I've asked things that have been discussed before because I need
to hear the answers as it relates to me. But once you are 24/7 and successful living as a female
as I'm certain many of you are what brings you back to susans? Are the issues in your life
still something that you need to follow the TS scene still?

Please, please, please, nobody take this question the wrong way, I ask only because I hope that at some point
I can just be female. Not TS. And not worry about passing, not worry about hormones, not worry about
anything related to being TS. I know that some girls that were here when I started hanging around (that were
in the final phases of their transition) are not around much anymore. Are they just living as women with no
needs that are served by coming to susan's?

I know many of you may feel the need to give back to the TS community, and I might feel that way too
at some point. But now I just want to be me, a female. Is it possible to be just a woman or will there always be
a TS side to my life?

[tekla]

I've known several who do.  However the past is always close behind, a part of you, and no matter where you go, there you are.

[Sandy]

That is the question I have for those of you that are 24/7 and are living as female.

I've been around susan's about 6 months now and I've seen a lot of the same issues, fights, topics come
up over and over. I know I've asked things that have been discussed before because I need
to hear the answers as it relates to me. But once you are 24/7 and successful living as a female
as I'm certain many of you are what brings you back to susans? Are the issues in your life
still something that you need to follow the TS scene still?

Please, please, please, nobody take this question the wrong way, I ask only because I hope that at some point
I can just be female. Not TS. And not worry about passing, not worry about hormones, not worry about
anything related to being TS. I know that some girls that were here when I started hanging around (that were
in the final phases of their transition) are not around much anymore. Are they just living as women with no
needs that are served by coming to susan's?

I know many of you may feel the need to give back to the TS community, and I might feel that way too
at some point. But now I just want to be me, a female. Is it possible to be just a woman or will there always be
a TS side to my life?

Amanda:

I've been 24/7 for about a year and just had my GRS just a couple of weeks ago.

I have always felt myself to be female.  But I had a transsexual condition.  Much like a woman might be female and have a diabetic condition.

But I cannot turn my back on my past so while I may not wear a sign around my neck that says "TRANSSEXUAL", I won't hide it either.

To me, that says that when I am in society, on the street no one knows that I am anything but female, and that is a major part of what I was looking for when I made my transition.

When I first came to susans, I looked for support from others who were like me and who had gone down a similar path.  Now it is my turn to be here for those who come here looking for support.  I need to give back to a community which helped me so much and illuminated the path I needed to take.  I can do no less.

There is less for me to document about my transition as I have completed about everything I set out to do, but I will not abandon this group as long as I can make a contribution.

-Sandy

[Just Mandy]

When I first came to susans, I looked for support from others who were like me and who had gone down a similar path.  Now it is my turn to be here for those who come here looking for support.  I need to give back to a community which helped me so much and illuminated the path I needed to take.  I can do no less.

Thanks Sandy, that is the way I feel too at this point, I'm here for the support and feel a connection with
people that have experienced the same things I have. And I may feel like I need to give back too at some point, and I
suspect that will be what many of the replies will also say.

But right now I can't help but think I just want to put this all behind me.

But as you both have said, maybe it will always be a part of us.

Oh... congrats on your GRS... I can't believe you are here responding to posts!

[Kt]

That is the question I have for those of you that are 24/7 and are living as female.

I've been around susan's about 6 months now and I've seen a lot of the same issues, fights, topics come
up over and over. I know I've asked things that have been discussed before because I need
to hear the answers as it relates to me. But once you are 24/7 and successful living as a female
as I'm certain many of you are what brings you back to susans? Are the issues in your life
still something that you need to follow the TS scene still?

Please, please, please, nobody take this question the wrong way, I ask only because I hope that at some point
I can just be female. Not TS. And not worry about passing, not worry about hormones, not worry about
anything related to being TS. I know that some girls that were here when I started hanging around (that were
in the final phases of their transition) are not around much anymore. Are they just living as women with no
needs that are served by coming to susan's?

I know many of you may feel the need to give back to the TS community, and I might feel that way too
at some point. But now I just want to be me, a female. Is it possible to be just a woman or will there always be
a TS side to my life?

It seems that many post-ops DO detatch themselves from the TS community and just "live their lives", I don't really see anything wrong with that, but I disagree with the idea of becoming not TS, we will always have our past experiences, even if we like to pretend it never happened with most people, our past is a big part of us and is very different from the past of a natal female.

Additionally, I find that I am perfectly capable of "living my life" in a normal capacity, AND not burying my past, I don't see how these are mutually exclusive at all.

I have been post-op since October 2007, but I have had legal issues (marriage being anulled a few weeks ago) to deal with, I personally find myself drawn to other TG/TS people because these people have gone through or are going through a lot of the same crap that I have, In this way I find it's easier to socialize and relate with ahother transperson, than a cisgendered person.

I guess I am one of the people who do not see that transsexuality ends at the surgery, I think i've always been a female, and the surgery was a corrective procedure, but I will always be a woman who is transsexual, IMHO.

[Buffy]

Two answers to this question,

Firstly if there wasnt a life, then why bother to go through something that indeed is life changing.

Secondly, Life is what you make of it, the transition process is exactly that, If you are then happy to hide away from the world, live a fulfilling life either in stealth or out in the community it is your choice.

My own life has changed beyond belief and I am now doing things that I never even dreamed of as a guy, such is the level of confidence I now have and a brain that is now free of all the crap it went through for so long.

Life is truly what you make of it.

Buffy

[Kate]

Is it possible to be just a woman or will there always be a TS side to my life?

That's completely up to you

Hate to tell ya kiddo, but sooner or later you won't be in the TS limelight anymore, lol. No more attention from people, no more drama, the whole "I'm changing my sex" thing will just elicit a big yaaaaawn, "that's SO old news" from everyone you know. If you want to keep TSism as part of your life, you'll have to make an effort to do it

I dunno if visiting Susans and helping individuals is really a "TS side" so much though. I mean apart from here, my TSism doesn't really come up anymore, at least not in daily living. Sure, I have some internal issues to work through. But who doesn't? My actual experience of life is now is just... blah. Routine.

Enjoy your transition though. Enjoy the attention. I kinda miss the "you're so brave!" and "I admire your courage!" pep talks I'd always get when coming out to people. You're suddenly everyone's kindness project, showered with compassion and support and help. It's nice to see that beauty in people.

Now, well now I'm just Kate, lol. An obsessive, neurotic somewhat demented middle-aged woman. Yawn.

EXACTLY what I wished for though

~Kate~

[Laura91]

Now, well now I'm just Kate, lol. An obsessive, neurotic somewhat demented middle-aged woman. Yawn.

EXACTLY what I wished for though

~Kate~

That's what I want too. I just wonder if I will ever get there?

[NicholeW.]

IMO, we will always have a TS history. Whether or not we revisit that, obsess about it, regret it, wish for something else or forget about it entirely, or almost entirely. I'd say that's up to us.

Being at Susan's? So I can answer questions that people such as yourself post and want answers for from a range of people.

Your answer, Amanda, will be yours, wherever you are led to be. Although, like some, you may decide you need to retrace your path and go a different way as well.

But, simply introducing yourself as a TS-woman? I wouldn't and I don't really see why anyone would, except for some truly huge reason beyond herself. Or in the case of someone who wants to be active in TG rights, or write essays and books like Julia Serano, or an activist or/and web-presence like Susan or Andrea James or Calpurnia Adams.

Life tends not to run along the same channels for all. Find your comfort and make an attempt to remain in it. That requires a lot of work.

Nichole 

[lady amarant]

That's what I want too. I just wonder if I will ever get there?

You will dear-heart. As long as you don't give up, eventually you will.

[Kate]

Find your comfort and make an attempt to remain in it. That requires a lot of work.

LOL, I dunno about that. Sometimes I think "following our bliss" is the easiest thing in the world, our natural condition by default if only we'd learn to leave well-enough alone and stop mucking everything up with our fears and denials and insecurities and...

Just... Let... GO

~Kate~

[Just Mandy]

Hate to tell ya kiddo, but sooner or later you won't be in the TS limelight anymore, lol. No more attention from people, no more drama, the whole "I'm changing my sex" thing will just elicit a big yaaaaawn, "that's SO old news" from everyone you know. If you want to keep TSism as part of your life, you'll have to make an effort to do it

I dunno if visiting Susans and helping individuals is really a "TS side" so much though. I mean apart from here, my TSism doesn't really come up anymore, at least not in daily living. Sure, I have some internal issues to work through. But who doesn't? My actual experience of life is now is just... blah. Routine.

That is awesome and that is just what I wanted to hear If it can be my choice, then great. That probably should
have been my question. Can I choose to lead a normal womans life and not think about TS if I don't want to.

Enjoy your transition though. Enjoy the attention. I kinda miss the "you're so brave!" and "I admire your courage!" pep talks I'd always get when coming out to people. You're suddenly everyone's kindness project, showered with compassion and support and help. It's nice to see that beauty in people.

I can see how you can get addicted to the support/attention, as I posted elsewhere, right now this is all about me. How
I get through this. How I do this or that. And I can see how I might miss it. But when I get to that point, as you
say the transition is over and you go back to boring life. Sounds nice



Posted on: March 28, 2008, 01:55:56 PM

IMO, we will always have a TS history. Whether or not we revisit that, obsess about it, regret it, wish for something else or forget about it entirely, or almost entirely. I'd say that's up to us.

Being at Susan's? So I can answer questions that people such as yourself post and want answers for from a range of people.

Your answer, Amanda, will be yours, wherever you are led to be. Although, like some, you may decide you need to retrace your path and go a different way as well.

But, simply introducing yourself as a TS-woman? I wouldn't and I don't really see why anyone would, except for some truly huge reason beyond herself. Or in the case of someone who wants to be active in TG rights, or write essays and books like Julia Serano, or an activist or/and web-presence like Susan or Andrea James or Calpurnia Adams.

Life tends not to run along the same channels for all. Find your comfort and make an attempt to remain in it. That requires a lot of work.

Nichole 

Thanks Nicole, I'm really glad that people like you are here to answer the questions I have. I may feel differently after it's
all over but now I would probably be one to drift away and let that side of me die. Who knows though, life has a way of
changing your plans I do feel a need to share my experiences so far, to help new girls starting where I was six months ago,
so maybe that will continue. But it sounds so nice to think of just Amanda, as Kate said another woman with a boring life

[Lisbeth]

I still hang around here after all these years, and I have two thoughts.  One is that I don't know why I would want to go stealth and forget about my past.  If I did that, it would be like amputating my life.  I'm sorry but I have a history that I'm not willing to leave behind.  The other thought is that while I hang around here, I really don't have that much to say anymore.  I've been there, and I've done that, but it's not really an issue anymore.  I guess I'm a lot like a mountain climber who has gotten to the top and is now looking back over the mountain side following my path with my eyes, marvelling at where I've been.

[Just Mandy]

I guess I'm a lot like a mountain climber who has gotten to the top and is now looking back over the mountain side following my path with my eyes, marveling at where I've been.

That's a cool way of putting it and I'm glad you are around because you do have good things to say

Amanda

[NicholeW.]

Find your comfort and make an attempt to remain in it. That requires a lot of work.

LOL, I dunno about that. Sometimes I think "following our bliss" is the easiest thing in the world, our natural condition by default if only we'd learn to leave well-enough alone and stop mucking everything up with our fears and denials and insecurities and...

Just... Let... GO

~Kate~

You'd be surprised to discover how difficult it might be to "follow your bliss."

I totally agree that we should follow our bliss. What I find, though, is that most of us follow our bliss until we get to a place where we say "OK, I'm going to just settle in right here. This is where I have always wanted to be."

The only trouble with that idea is that the river, the road, the path, the vapor-trail or just the moments of our lives keep moving beyond where we decide we are going to settle. They continue moving, every moment of our lives.

Thus, to follow my bliss is to know that when I reach what was my bliss yesterday is to continue walking, flying, soaring, swimming to what my bliss is now. Tomorrow I will have another bliss.

To simply rest when you get to where you think you were going as though it were "The End" is to find that the place you've gotten turns tarnished, dull, cob-webby and stale. It's no longer what and where you once knew it was. *sigh*

To "follow my bliss" is to constantly focus on my bliss and to move toward it. THAT is the hardest of tasks for us humans. We get lethargic and become blind to the joy that is our life.

As I've said before, walking the razor's edge can be tricky. Transition is never done as long as I remain a human being.

N~

[MeghanAndrews]

You know, this has been on my mind a lot also Amanda. When I started transitioning I felt the same way. Just get to the point, hopefully, where I at least have the option of blending, convincing myself that's what I really want. I've known who I was my whole life, but to be able to have others see me and not have to hold anything back, THAT'S really what I wanted.

I've been thinking lately (I posted a blog about it at some point in the last few weeks) about my role in the community and where I want to be. For now, I'm definitely content with where I am. I'm not FT, I'm pretty active here and in real life. I've been on a few panels, a few conferences, just basically getting to know people and trying to help them as much as possible.

The day will come when I need to make a decision about what the continuing role will be. Amanda, I don't think there's anything wrong with you questioning your thoughts, you know? One thing, with the computer age, you can be active in a trans community online and never have to be active IRL. I have several friends who are very active online, but they are pretty private and living FT without neighbors, school, etc. ever knowing.

It's all about what works for YOU. Either way, I definitely understand both because I bounce back and forth at times. I am going to consider my options well into transition about what I ultimately want to do Meghan

[Just Mandy]

You know... when I posted this I was thinking "I just want to get this over with" but after thinking
about it more and reading the replies I think I fit here. I have so much in common with the women here, 
I share traits, thoughts, experiences and get support and understanding that I'm not going to get elsewhere.
I know this sounds so fickle... I guess it's my right as a women LOL... but maybe I do see myself involved
here after I'm "done"... if you are ever "done".

[MeghanAndrews]

I see the impact that people have by being here and sharing their experiences as they grow through them. While some people just jump in forums, read a few, then jump out of the site or just kind of have a passing interest in things, I'm the kind of person where I want to read and talk to people who have had similar paths to mine. I want to know how people feel through transition, the ups and downs, the hard parts, everything. I want to read blogs and postings as I ask myself important questions and work through my own transition.

I look at the people of this site and know that most of them probably wouldn't be taking the same role outside of online that they do in here, but I just think it's great that we do have resources and personal narrative to help us, especially as we begin transition and work through it. Thanks again to everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences, there's many, many people who appreciate it