I just wanted to thank everyone for posting and offering their support and advice.
I wanted to toss an update about the situation out.
I did speak with Dr. Bowers today via phone and we've set up an appointment for her and I to discuss this in person. She was very understanding and said her goal is to make sure I am 100% happy and satisfied with everything.
She agreed that the implants put in were large (as in the size was actually large) and that if it's impairing my life the way it is, they should come out and either be replaced with smaller ones, or removed entirely. I told her I wanted them removed entirely, as the risk of having to have yet another surgery, should smaller ones be put in, because of more complications, is just not worth it to me. She was very understanding about that and said it is the most difficult part of lower surgery. So she will be removing them for me with no cost on her end...just hospital costs. Which is fine with me.
However, she got a bit more defensive when I inquired about the possibility of 'reversing' the meta. Obviously, it'd be a strange question from someone in my situation (ie: a transguy who assured he understood what to expect and saved for several years to have the 'final' lower surgery). She did say that technically it could be reversed, but that she refuses to do so until I give it more time, or speak with her at length about my view towards all of this. My view is simply that, given the complications with the implants, I will opt not to have them at all. Lower surgery has -always- been all or nothing for me. I did not, and do not, like being 'half there'. The goal of the surgery was to look more like a biological male below the waist, and it didn't accomplish that to my satisfaction--without implants the metoid alone never looked closer to being male than what I had (now if I had a more invasive surgery with vaginectomy, ect. it would be different---but again, just not worth it). So I would rather be the way it was prior to surgery, which I was perfectly comfortable with (I get the impression that maybe she feels as though I had surgery because I felt I -had- to, because I just couldn't live with having 'chick parts' down there, but that's certainly not the case) than have what I have now below the waist.
She was very concerned about my back pedaling, or perhaps regret, and the ramifications it has on her and other surgeons, as well as other transgendered individuals, as a whole. She felt it undermined what she and the other surgeons do, and what other trans people opt to do.
She wants to understand my view and wants me to understand hers. Which I do. Maybe it does just boil down to it being the wrong decision at the wrong time. But if I can do something about it...I will, especially if she requires I wait and my feelings do not change (and I won't say they won't after the implants are removed, because for all I know that burden lifted could change my entire perspective). Ultimately, she wants me to be happy with myself and my body and she said she will do whatever she can to ensure that, and if I do opt for these things, her services are free and I'm only responsible for hospital costs (which was a huge burden off my shoulders about this situation).
I'm having a hard time articulating what it is I want to say to her, or how I want to explain myself...I'm a psychology major...it shouldn't be difficult for me, but for some reason it is.
It really just boils down to lack of satisfaction with the results (even though I had a general idea of what to expect, albeit it was painted with results from far more invasive surgeries than I had...and I was assured I'd be able to penetrate during sex, which will never be the case, and was my original purpose of the surgery). I was at peace with what I had below the waist prior to surgery...I was comfortable and happy. The surgery was supposed to make me happier, give me more peace by making me look closer to a bio male, but it hasn't accomplished that...and it never will (with the more research I do about it and hear from guys who've been through it and now wish they hadn't but they had far more invasive surgeries, making it impossible for them to go back). I want to be at peace again and at this moment in time, even if the resulting meta heals just as it's supposed and looks just like it should, it won't be good enough. I will have chick parts below the waist, but with the exception of a pseudo penis (and I don't say just penis because it doesn't look like one to me, not even a very tiny one).
So, I have an appointment set and the implants will be coming out. Everything else...well...I'll see after I speak to her and decide then if a reversal is something that should be done alongside the implant removal, or if it's something I need to give more time (which I am willing to do) before casting judgment and then, if still unsatisfied, have it changed back. I know it won't be -exactly- like it was, due to the incision lines from the implants, and so on, but if she can do such amazing work with MtFs, then I am comfortable knowing that, if I do decide to have it reversed, she can get it as close to what it was.
Just wanted to give an update. I am so far pleased with the steps she's taking to rectify this situation...I just wish I could explain it better than I am without giving the impression that I thought the surgery results would be great, and that my hopes were simply too high, and now I've been let down, and thus seek to make it how it was before (because I was NOT one of those guys who absolutely hated everything below the waist---no one knew but my close family and partner and there was never a point where I thought I had to get surgery because I just couldn't live without it and I told that to her before surgery---the surgery was to make me happier, not happy, and it's accomplished the opposite of that...NOW I have the feeling of not being able to live with what I have below the waist. The feeling is akin to what I felt during puberty, when I acknowledged I was transgendered, and that extreme discomfort I had with, specifically, my chest and internal female parts and that feeling of just having to deal with it and get used to it.
Thanks again for all of the support...if anyone has any ideas on how to relay how I feel as concisely as possible, please share. I think it's difficult trying to understand one another when there's a clear difference in how transgirls and transguys view transitioning in general due to differences in what's available to us and our recourses.
