Lost...

[Stephen]

Why do I dislike being referred to as feminine so much if I just fully came out to myself this year and started coming out to my friends? I am in TKD (Tae-Kwon-Do) and hate being referred to as ma'am and ms. even though I know it is out of respect, but I really would prefer sir and mr.

I don't know what to do as I haven't started therapy, I am not out to my college as a whole, and I have been very choosy about who in my Brotherhood (coed Fraternity) I come out to. I have been getting anxious, not able to concentrate on school.

I am scared of what my Brothers will say even though I have gotten nothing but good replies so far. I want to get started with stuff particularly therapy as soon as possible but I am fearful of what will happen at Tech as I have been here for 4 years now and there isn't a gender specialist here. I want to just wait a year and not have to worry about it but I don't know if I can for my own sanity

I spent the week with my Uncle and Aunt in D.C. I told them I am trans. My Aunt accepted it and even used my male acronyms as to where my Uncle kept correcting everyone. Both of my cousins are cool and even learned a lot from me. On the bus/train trip to D.C. from Michigan I only got made once. I talked to one person about it and she told me she thought I was just a gay boy, which is cool.

[Nero]

Are you a 'gay boy'?

[Stephen]

I am actually pansexual, which means I don't really care about gender, just personality (it doesn't assume there are only 2 genders).

[J.T.]

woohoo, another pansexual. 

welcome, stephen.  the question of why you don't like being referred to as feminine... people wanna be seen for who they are.  It sucks to not be seen as yourself.

it says you're in college... so that means free therapy.  take advantage of that. doesn't matter if it isn't a gender specialist. it is a good way to sort out feelings and get everything started.

I want to just wait a year and not have to worry about it but I don't know if I can for my own sanity

personally i know that i would have gone insane by now if i had waited any longer.

good luck.

[Ender]

*poke*

Hey you; I'm guessing your from the same Tech that has Carny every year. 

I hear ya on the lack of concentration...  Talking would probably help.  I know it does for me, when I actually do talk; I'm more inclined to seek out a wall or something to punch than ask someone to talk (a stubborn independent streak that probably isn't good for me).  Anyways, talking kinda settles down the waay too many thoughts going through my head when I should be concentrating on schoolwork and, y'know, how to make my future buildings not fall down.

It's unfortunate the one lady in the little white house who seemed to have some knowledge about working with LGBT people left; I know there are three other counselors, but don't know if they have much experience with this.  I do know that there is a psych in Marquette, although she was a bit out of my price range; maybe your insurance is better than mine, though, because mine explicitly does not cover psychiatric services of any kind.  I'd have to double-check my facts, but I believe she had some experience working with trans people, although not as much as the psych in Milwaukee that I chose.

The psychiatrist in Milwaukee is very good; she has experience working with MTFs and FTMs and seems to be something of an advocate (she also has a sliding fee scale and is much more affordable).  She's actually part of a larger program described here: http://www.pathwayscounseling.com/milwaukee_transgender_program.htm
The length of the drive is unfortunate, but she offered to speak with me via phone, so perhaps she'd do the same for you; I have her card/number if you'd like.

Awesome about your aunt, by the way.  My aunt cried and said something to the effect of loving me no matter what, which seems like a good start--but I'm guessing my family is gonna have a major issue with pronouns. *Shrug*  Anyways, later Stephen.

[candie]

it says you're in college... so that means free therapy.  take advantage of that. doesn't matter if it isn't a gender specialist. it is a good way to sort out feelings and get everything started.

oh that note.
my SO, also a FTM, went to a therapist on his campus. he was having some major issues with adjusting to school, and --a LOT with the gender issues. it did help him, contrary to some belief with general therapists.

its really a good thing to look into.

[Stephen]

Thank you all. Like Eryk said we really don't have much in the counselor area that has ever really dealt with this type of stuff. I have however been told that we have one that may be good to talk to so I am going to find out that person's name and go in and see if that person will help me or just want to quiz and learn, I'm all for teaching people but my therapist is not someone I want to teach while I am trying to use them as a sounding board and trying to figure stuff out.

maybe your insurance is better than mine

Even if it is I can't use it at the moment. My mom doesn't exactly know I'm trans and all of my insurance is under her name currently. I either would have to tell her or wait at least year (for when I have my own insurance) to get that covered.

Not ready to tell her just yet, I'm going to let my dad figure out when a good time would be.

Posted on: March 23, 2008, 10:56:26 PMI saw the counselor that was suggested to me this past wednesday and it went really well. He admits he doesn't know much and says it seems I know what I want just not how to handle it with the people around me. He suggests I do more research on therapists and find one I can afford and get to on a regular basis.

[trannyboy]

First of all you don't need a specialist, you just need someone who is open to learning and working with you. Until recently I completed my transition without ever seeing a specialist. The only reason I am seeing the "pros" is because I have to. There is nothing saying that a person has to see a gender therapist. You also don't need to actively teach but providing resources will help the therapist learn on their own. You will be quizzed and have to educate regardless of specialist or generalist. The "pros" I am seeing are so far off the mark it isn't funny.

In terms of your mom's insurance coverage, she wouldn't know why you want to see a therapist just that you are. Tell her you are feeling depressed or whatever general symptom and use that coverage. If you are in the states use any coverage you can. All you poor souls without a national equal access health care system be creative and you can do a lot.

->-bleeped-<-boy