Dear Susan's friends, starting in late December, and commencing seriously in January, I've been going door to door to tell colleagues, friends, and family members that I'm transsexual and that I'm going to transition. Sometimes in coffee shops, sometimes in bars, sometimes in their offices, these disclosures have been a big, big job all spring semester.
My wife and I accelerated the process at our discipline's national conference in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago, when we came out to perhaps 40 or 50 colleagues, grad student, and ex students.
I have heard back from my sister, uncles, and aunts, and all my blood relatives are steadfastly behind me, as is Mary Jo, my kids, my university administration, and my close friends here at the university.
I've sent emails to my old college buddies and my old high school buddies and those two groups are jumping on board just fine, even though this comes as a bit of a surprise after so many years.
So this afternoon, I went ahead and mailed my graduate students the following email (and a very similar one to the faculty and administration), and have already received an outpouring of support, which I'll save and put on my blog when it all dies down.
It's been a good springtime.
================
Dear graduate students,
You may have heard or noticed that I appear to be involved in some intriguing personal changes. I'm writing you to tell you that yes, the rumors are correct, as that there is a part of me that's quite complex, perhaps more complex than I may have let on in the past.
I have had a lifelong struggle with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), which means that while I was born a male, I've always felt I was female. People like this are called transgendered or transsexual. Having finally sought professional help and having been officially diagnosed with GID, I am finally taking steps to resolve this conflict via changing my sex and eventually living my life as a woman.
Rest assured that this has been as perplexing and odd to me over the years as it may seem to you right now. But also rest assured that this is something I absolutely must do in order to maintain my mental and physical health.
The origins of GID are unclear -- theories range from in-utero hormone levels to differently-developed brains, from environmental factors to sociological factors. GID has nothing to do with sexual orientation or whether you're more feminine or masculine as a person. But it does have quite an impact on your psychological development, building barriers between the world and yourself in order to protect this secret being the most isolating one. Using my natural curiosity and research ability, I myself have sought out all the information I could over the years, reading books, blogs, scholarly articles, news stories, and memoirs. I have attended support groups, sat one-on-one with therapists, talked with and corresponded with others. What I've learned is that GID never goes away, but instead gets worse through time. The only thing you can do is eventually do something about it, and that's precisely what I'm doing.
You may have all sorts of questions and observations, and I'd like for you to know that I'm happy to do what I can to help you understand, from chatting in IM to meeting with you alone or in groups. I'm even willing to do a reading or discussion group on key issues in trans* and gender issues, if you think such a thing would be helpful. By the way, it's ok if you find this incredibly weird or absurdly funny--I promise you that I've felt all of these things about myself over the years. What I want from you isn't pity, but tolerance and acceptance. If you feel otherwise or are uncomfortable with my decision, I will understand. Even in this event, I do expect that we will continue to work together on advising, degree plans, and dissertations professionally and effectively.
Being academics, I know you're all quite capable of figuring out what this all means and doing your own investigations as to transgender issues. However, if you would like a good starting point, I would recommend a memoir called She's Not There, by Jennifer Finney Boylan of Colby College in Maine. With a few exceptions, Boylan's book is basically my life story--like me, she is an English professor who transitioned from male-to-female in her 40's, and has a supportive wife and two boys. If you're interested in an excellent (and recent) criticism of gender, I would recommend Julie Serrano's Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity, which is a nice companion piece to any Judith Butler, who has a new collection of her writings just out from Routledge called Undoing Gender. This phenomenon isn't limited to male-to-female transsexuals: Jamison Green, a female-to-male transsexual, has a terrific book called Becoming a Visible Man. If you have religious or spiritual questions about this thorny state in which I find myself, I have discovered a whole body of literature dealing with spiritual and even biblical approaches to transgender issues, the best of which is Trans-gendered: Theology, Ministry, and Communities of Faith by Justin Tanis. I have many, many other resources, as well, if you are interested.
The specifics are these. My family knows and is incredibly supportive--we are committed to maintaining a happy, loving family, and I think we're going to be able to do that. The faculty and the university chain of command know and have pledged unconditional support for this transition. I myself have been taking hormones to change my cognition and physiology for over a year and I plan to start living and working 24/7 as a woman some time this summer. I will be changing my name some time this year to Joyce, a name I've used for my alternate personality since 1980, but I will continue using XXXX as either my middle or my last name (I'm fond of it and really hate to get rid of it). I understand it will take some time to get pronouns and names right, and I'm not one of those kinds of people who will get all bent out of shape if you slip. If you're making an effort, that's fine with me, at least for this first year (after which I'll give you reminders about my identity). Finally, as you probably know, I will be on academic leave next schoolyear, so I won't be in the face-to-face classroom from May 2008 through August 2009, and that's time I intend to spend finishing up a couple of research projects and also working with my family on issues related to this transition. However, I will be keeping my administrative duties, both in the office and online, and will resume my face-to-face duties in September 2009.
It's all good, it seems to me. I feel whole for the first time in a very long time, and am eager to see how this wholeness continues to develop, personally and professionally. I have begun exploring ways to intersect my scholarly interests in rhetoric, argumentation, technology, and economics with (trans)gender issues, and am increasingly excited about the possibilities, from identity theory to the uses of new media to facilitate change.
You expected your academic program to define the field and to push the envelope when you applied, didn't you?
