Hi again everyone. I was on for a little bit a while ago, but shyness and life have kept me away.
But now, I... well I guess I just need virtual ear that would really understand where I'm at. My transition has been progressing and I've gotten hormones. As in, therapist approved, doctor visited, tests done, picked up pills from the pharmacy an hour ago. And I'm excited beyond belief.
But I'm also scared. It seems that everything in my life that I've been enthusiastic about, that I've looked forward to, has turned to garbage. The last big thing that was a happy day was my marriage, and that seems to have become a sham and a shambles. Sure, there have been some things that didn't, but the bad ones outnumber and outweigh the good ones in my memory.
And now I have three little pill bottles in my messenger bag. There really isn't a choice for me: I have to take them. Because it really is transition or death. Transition for the chance (never a guarantee) of happiness or the long slow death of the soul. But that doesn't alleviate the gut clenching fear - will I react badly to them, will they work for me, who and what am I going to lose from this? Who will I become? Yes, it will be the real me, but I've grown accustomed to the fake me over these last 38 years. It's comfortable.
I guess I'm going to start finding who the real me is once I get home tonight.
Val
