Quote from: Katelynne on April 21, 2008, 07:14:58 PM
my SO is a transgirl just at the beginning of her transition. i knew going into our relationship, or whatever it is, that she was going to begin HRT and eventually fully transition. i knew going into it that we were not going to have a strong sexual relationship. i knew that there was a lot of baggage involved. i am not really too stressed about it. however, she is, constantly. she feels like she is "unhealthy" for me and that she has nothing to offer me emotionally. the thing is, i understand that she is going through a lot right now as well as getting out of a significant relationship with someone who didn't really understand or support her decision. i understand that right now she does not have a lot to offer me emotionally, but on the same note, i don't really need it---but i do need her in my life. i know that there probably isn't too much that i am going to be able to say or do to make her understand my feelings and it's that part of it that stresses me out.
i am not really sure where i was going with this....i just felt like i needed to vent a little.
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Katelynne,
Vent away! It can help clear the mind.
You say you want her in your life. It might be that she wants you in hers just as much, or more. But, having just come out of one relationship--presumably not happily--and facing big changes, she may be scared...scared to trust you or to trust er own feelings. I hear constantly of transpeople pushing away those they love when transition begins. In fact, some therapists still encourage transfolks to cut all ties with the past--or at least they used to.
Maybe it's time to have a heart-to-heart chat with her over a romantoic dinner or something. Tell her that you really do have a pretty good idea of what you're getting into in a relationship with her, but you want to transition with her. You want to be there for her and to be there down the road. I sometimes think that transpeople are so filled with fear and shame--so certain of universal rejection--that we SOs have to work a little harder to help them understand that we really do love them, and we're not going to disappear, and we're not fragile...we can take the changes if they can.
SOunds to me like you're in love, Katelynne...vent as much as you need to, then go tend those fires and keep them burning!
Dan
