my mom told me i should have been born a boy!!!!!

[jaded]

My mom always tells me to act more like a girl .your to rough, I don't know any girls that talk as deep as you.
Why do you sit with your legs like that. your to aggressive why do you walk like a man !!!!!!!It makes me crazy
I just want to look her in the eye and say look at me if I don't dress like a girl or act or think like one doesn't that tell you something I know I know the thought is even disrespectful but it gets very frustrating anyway that wasn't the point the point is that today my mom didn't yell at me to act like a girl today
she said you should have been born a boy and for that second it felt so good to hear my mom say that.
She always told me that when she was pregnant with me she always had that maternal feeling that I would be a boy so she asked the doctor what she was having and he said she was right she was having a boy. When I was born my mom was shocked she only planned a boy's name she bought boys clothing .WHAT WENT WRONG!!!!!!!!

[Melissa]

That sounds very promising.

Melissa

[Mario]

Jaded,
     Have you told her how you feel? Sounds like because she was preparing for a boy that she wanted a boy. I was adopted. My mom wanted a frilly princess girl, and by the time I was 12, I was a full blown tom boy, a better athelete than my 2 brothers, and riding mini-bikes. She hated the min-bike thing. She blamed my dad for my interest in that. I ofcourse lived for it. She would say to me "I thought I adopted a girl". It only bothered me because I knew how dissapointed she was. But maybe your mom will understand you seeing that she notices that you are like a boy. Just don't make the mistake ever being something your not just to please her. Hang in there dude.

                                                  Marco

[Nero]

That's good, Jaded. If she recognizes that then she'll probably be better able to accept you when you come out to her.
My mom says stuff like,"I know you wanted to be a boy. I'm so sorry, I wanted my firstborn (me)to be a son, but, alas I only had girls." And I want to say,"But you did have a son, just a deformed one."
Nero

[Dennis]

Oh I dunno whether it'll make things easier. My parents were absolutely convinced I was going to be a boy, as was everyone else who ventured an opinion on how the pregnancy was progressing. They were so convinced that they had the name "Howard" picked out for me (one of the few reasons to be glad you're trans - you can pick your own name). Throughout my childhood I completely rebuffed girls' clothing, girls' toys, everything feminine, and I revelled in being taken for a boy. I tried to talk the hairdresser into giving me a crewcut once (didn't occur to me she might check with mum before following my instructions).

And still, when I told my mum about being trans, she somehow managed to concoct me a fake childhood completely with pink frilly crap and girlish things. She's come back to her senses now, but it was an oddly surreal moment wondering if my mother had actually been present during my childhood.

Dennis

[taylor]

Marco,  My parents adopted me out of Germany when I was 3. They dumped me when I was 13 for not being a "girl" to them I was a freak, so I totally get the mom wanting a "frilly girl" thing...only I think she wanted it obsessively. A few years and some serious hellish situations in life I was taken in my a foster family that then adopted me and are my family today. So that was cool. And my foster mom and her mom, ( my grandma) always knew , it did not have to really be talked about. I did have a sit down with my mom when I was 18, and I could not get the words out that I wanted to tell her, so she asked if she could tell me what she guessed I was going to tell her...and I said yea, and so she told me that I was a boy and needed to transition lol



Peace,
Taylor

[Dennis]

Man that absolutely sucks, Taylor. I cannot imagine how people could deliberately make the commitment to become parents by adopting and then take it less seriously than many people who end up being parents unintentionally.

I've seen it a few times in my practice and it really pisses me off. I'm glad you got a good foster mom afterwards.

Dennis

[Mario]

Taylor,
    That is one of the worst things I have ever heard! What the hell? That there blows the idea of unconditional love the hell out of the water. Atleast you ended up with parents that really did care for you. 
                                       Marco

[jaded]

Thanks guys for hearing me out Taylor im sorry you had do go through something like that at such a young age its cool that your mom knew what you were going to say.
I think my mom knows at the back of her mind heck I think anyone that knows me even just a little knows at the back of their mind
Nero I don't think anything in the world could prepare my mom for this she doesn't even know I like woman she keeps setting me up with guys.
So I need to agree with Dennis on this one but thanks for the input
Marco my mom does not  know how I feel but she always did find the need to pressure me into wearing a dress n stuff like that (kind of like yours)if I tell  her it would crush her
take care
            jaded

[Dennis]

Yep moms will do denial for an amazing amount. When I was 19, I was living in a 2 bedroom place with 4 others. Sandy and Jim lived in one room. Paige and the boyfriend of the moment lived in the other room, and Gail and I lived in the living room. Whole place couldn't have been more than 450 sq feet.

My parents come to visit. Ask where everyone sleeps. I tell them. Mum says, but Gail's a lesbian. I said 'yes'. Three months later I come out to her and she's surprised. Like wtf denial drugs are you on?

Just astounding really. Although it's been handy at times.

Dennis

[taylor]

Hi All,

I have spent my entire adulthood working with special needs kids, homeless people with housing issues, TS/IS research/consulting and currently working as a Child Protective Service Investigator for abused and neglected kids. I got here because I decided to take the challenges in my childhood and make them work for others that experience things I went through and somehow maybe make a positive impact.

This also helped me too. Otherwise you spend life dealing with rage, and dealing with being a victim to people who do not deserve that power over you.  As an adult I am responsible today for the life that I have...as a child I had no accountability. But today I choose if I am going to allow my spirit to be destroyed, or if I am going to realize that those who hurt me have seriously suffering spirits, and all I can do is pray that somehow they find the peace that they need for their sake. I never judge a person by their actions I judge them by observing their spirit, it tells me all I need to know. And I cannot be angry with a spirit that suffers. I just never have been able to find it in me. 

Peace,

Taylor

PS I happen to also be one of those people that really believe that God will hold those accountible I don't need to destroy myself in the process of trying to get at them, if  you know what I mean. This is just the way I live my life, and it works pretty well most of the time. But I sure am not perfect at a thing!

[Kate]

When I was born my mom was shocked she only planned a boy's name she bought boys clothing.

Yea, my parents were both desperate for (and hopeful/expecting) a girl. I was supposed to be, of all things, lol.... "Susan."

I'm told everyone constantly "mistook" me for a girl as a baby, so ya gotta wonder if all that expectation played a role in forming a gender identity - or if they sensed what was already there. Too late though, either way.

You may not have told your mom, but it sounds like she's coming to terms with how you feel anyway. Mum's tend to be a bit pyschic that way Maybe this is a good sign... it sounds like in time perhaps telling her won't seem so impossible.

And Taylor... you just keep astounding me with the openness of your heart. So many people would have turned bitter and cruel, having lived your life... yet you've found the courage to hone your tragedies into something beautiful.

[jaded]

thanx guys&dolls for all the input its much appreciated
this is a little hard and it always helps to have friends around

[wolfie]

I think it's great that your mom said that you should have been a boy, and it's a huge deal (if my mom were to) that she talks to you about that (childhood, birth etc.).

And still, when I told my mum about being trans, she somehow managed to concoct me a fake childhood completely with pink frilly crap and girlish things. She's come back to her senses now, but it was an oddly surreal moment wondering if my mother had actually been present during my childhood.

my mom's been doing that for years as well, and the story get more and more elaborate as i get further into my transition. i'm glad that you're mom as come back to her senses on that and it's good to hear that parents do eventually come around, or atleast get kind of honest.

jaded, did you ask your mom what name she had picked out for you at birth?

[Fayde]

heh, jaded, same story... i was supposed to be a boy. my mom heard it from everybody. the way she carried me, from the doc.. her maternal instinct. i was supposed to be Johnathon Andreyus. that didn't work out. she even told me once that she always wanted a boy. she denies that now :/

she threw me in frilly crap til i put on my first pair of jeans, then it was all over. long gone were the little pink dresses... it was green army men and BB guns for me. >

[TheBattler]

I'm told everyone constantly "mistook" me for a girl as a baby, so ya gotta wonder if all that expectation played a role in forming a gender identity - or if they sensed what was already there. Too late though, either way.

My mum was wondering last night if my difficault birth had anything to do with me loving to wear skirts (thats all my mum knows now). I told her I did not think so but mabe as I was lacking oxygen around that time (birth)  mum thought the whole of my male brain had not developed  .

Alice

[jaded]

hey guys nice to hear all your stories yeah my mom picked the name Joel for me I thought about changing my name to that but  most likely I wont  I think its so cool how we all relate to each other so well were like a family and we don't even know each other

[taylor]

Hi Jaded,

You know in my head even though I know that you write Jaded, I always think Jade lol

Peace,

Taylor

PS good to see you around tonight!

[jaded]

I don't really like jade that much because I know a girl named jade so I prefer jaded as in I feel jaded


Posted at: June 15, 2006, 09:29:41 PMoh and good seeing you to

[taylor]

Hey Jaded,

yea i totally get it lol.... Taylor is a unisex name and sometimes I hate that, I run into girls and guys both that have this name. The dude that just won American Idol, his name is Taylor and man was a glad for that LOL  My foster mom picked my name and even though I did not like it, she informed me that no kid picks their name at birth so why should I get the prevledge? LOL She is a pretty strong headed woman and she kinda had a point, so I was stuck with it, or a argument that I was sure never going to win anyway! 

Peace,

Taylor