Hello

[Krystina]

Hi,
I'm a 19 year old college student from Wyoming, who is trying to find my true gender. At the moment though I live as a full time male and as a in the closet cross dresser, and even more secretly I want to become a female.

Sadly though I had to hide these feelings from my family as I'm afraid they will take it wrong and take drastic measures against me. Which is bad because I still live with them and they provide me with a college education, and even though they are very opened minded they are still very closed minded at the same time if that makes sense.

Though at the same time these feelings are killing me, I have been depressed for as long as I can remember as I have to put up a fake identity every day and try to live life as normal. What is worst if I'm the type of person that "bottles up" all their problems until they burst, which has put a lot of stress on my life as well and has contributed to my generally unhappiness , and causing me to cry myself to sleep every night.

Please don't get me wrong these feelings are one of the most "special" moments where I actually felt whole I just feel sad that I can't tell my own family what is wrong with me, or in the fact I can't tell anyone I'm close about this without fear of being persecuted. I just wish I could find someone to understand me and support me but that has been a challenge so hopefully I can find that at Susan's Place. So hopefully I can find information and support on what I should do next as I'm utterly lost right now, I just know that I really need to talk to someone, which is posing a challenge as it is hard to find a good therapist in this state. : (

I'm both scared and glad about these feelings part of me tells me that I'm built too much like a male and I'll be laughed at or the hormones will have no effect. But I know if in my heart I was meant to be a female and nothing will ever change with unless I take some sort of action.

So with that said thank you for reading this and taking interest in me I know this introduction is very long put it is all things that have been on my mind for a long time and it feels good to finally put it down in written form.
Thank you for reading and it is nice to meet everyone : )

[Pica Pica]

nice to meet you back

[Case]

HELLO! Welcome to susans 

It is a pleasure to meet you and I hope you can find some of what you are looking for here!!

I myself find my self identifying with A LOT of your post, and I am sure that most of us do at some stage in our life.

Thanks for the well wrote intro, and I look forward to chatting it up with you! OH, and feel free to talk to me about anything anytime =]

*hugs/kisses*
-Chels

[Jay]

Hello & Welcome To Susans Krystina!

[Just Mandy]

Hi Krystina,

I really like your name, it's very pretty

I'm both scared and glad about these feelings part of me tells me that I'm built too much like a male and I'll be laughed at or the hormones will have no effect. But I know if in my heart I was meant to be a female and nothing will ever change with unless I take some sort of action

No one is built too much like a male and hormones do work... and at 19 I would assume they will work VERY
well. So forget those worries and get on with what you want to do. We are all here to listen and give you
our opinions

Amanda

[Summer]

Hi Krystina,

I really like your name, it's very pretty

I'm both scared and glad about these feelings part of me tells me that I'm built too much like a male and I'll be laughed at or the hormones will have no effect. But I know if in my heart I was meant to be a female and nothing will ever change with unless I take some sort of action

No one is built too much like a male and hormones do work... and at 19 I would assume they will work VERY
well. So forget those worries and get on with what you want to do. We are all here to listen and give you
our opinions

Amanda

Hi Krystina

I'm over 40 & hormones do work,with great results.
In my case,my chest,tummy & bottom.I wish now i had started my transition when i was younger.

[tinkerbell]

Hello Krystina and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you so much for your introduction.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay

tink

[Krystina]

Hi Krystina,

I really like your name, it's very pretty   

Thank you,  I have always been fond with female names that begin with a K, and when I first saw the name I knew it fit my female side 

No one is built too much like a male and hormones do work... and at 19 I would assume they will work VERY
well. So forget those worries and get on with what you want to do. We are all here to listen and give you
our opinions

I think it is just general fear on my part, I tend to worry alot about things which doesn't help me very much at this point in my life. My biggest fear though is my body my height, broad shoulders, and feet really don't help me. : (

I think that after I talk with more people about these changes in my life I'll be able to move past my fears and live a better life.

Also thank you everyone for the words of encouragement I will need them on this journery. 

[Just Mandy]

I have always been fond with female names that begin with a K

I have too... there are so many cool females names that start with a K, lots of choices.

My biggest fear though is my body my height, broad shoulders, and feet really don't help me.

You may have already read this, but there are girls here that are 6'-3" I think and girls with
size 13 feet and they are successful so that tells me all of us can do it. But I'm right there with
you on the fears

Amanda

[Krystina]

You may have already read this, but there are girls here that are 6'-3" I think and girls with
size 13 feet and they are successful so that tells me all of us can do it. But I'm right there with
you on the fears

That is good to hear, it puts most of my fears at rest.

My main concern though at the moment is how I'm going to come out to my parents, I hoped I wouldn't have to cross this obstacle first but it is something that I need to get out of the way for me to follow my dreams. Though I have hope for them that they will understand, but I have a feeling that they will think otherwise.