No, not anymore.
As a kid I was kind of off the rails and I'm sure if I hadn't stopped short and took stock of myself back then I'd have ended up in some correctional facility. I was surely problematic, and very good at not being caught; but sooner or later my luck would run out, I thought. Knowing what I know about that part of my past, I used to think it was something to fear but, I know now that I'd only ever call on it again if I had to. Life or death situations. I didn't want to be that person and I still don't, and I've worked for years to try to become something better.
I can't really fear that stuff anymore. I do think that some of us are born and find it hard to orient ourselves in the world; I know I didn't have a well-developed sense of morality back then, but I do now. I did some bad things, but I learned from them. Can't ask for more than that from a person, really. You could say "you shouldn't have ever done anything bad," but there's a reason we don't think of kids as able to make proper decisions. They're not 'all there' yet. They're not developed yet. So I can't exactly beat myself up over what my kid self didn't yet understand. Still, I'm not impressed by the glimpse into the darker side of human nature I saw there. No matter how nice I become, no matter how moral I can be, I've seen it and I've felt it and I know it's all over the place out there among other people, sometimes hiding behind innocent-looking faces.
I guess the only thing I fear is losing my mind and sense of control. I'm not in any danger of that I hope, but the thought of losing it is unimaginable. When it comes down to it the sense of self and self control is really the only solid thing in my life, the only truly familiar thing that can be relied upon.
