Androgyne Coming Out?

[Nero]

Good afternoon, my pretty little fillies.

Kinkly's question made me wonder and as I didn't want to derail the topic, here goes.

Is it necessary for androgynes to come out? What are the benefits and drawbacks of androgynes coming out to friends, family, co-workers, etc?
Now, obviously if you're making permanent physical changes to a more androgynous form, such as HRT or surgery, the question of coming out will be different. But if you're not changing physically, why come out or why not come out?

What does it change about your relationships? Do you need people to know you're not what your birth sex would indicate?

If you do come out, what do you say? Do you use the word 'androgyne'?

[Elwood]

It's tough... I'd say it's a person by person basis. Most people can't begin to grasp what androgyny is or means, because they consider gender binary... So it would be tough to get "common folk" to call someone "Ze."  I think androgynes have some of the toughest obstacles towards the path of acceptance...

[Elwood]

Call me crazy, but I believe that androgynes don't really have that much of a problem as maybe someone who is on the extreme of one side attempting to go to the other extreme.

Good point. I have a very narrow sight because my body is pretty androgynous already, so it's easy for me to look male. I really feel bad for the guys with big boobs and the girls with broad shoulders and deep voices... some people are extremely made the sex that doesn't correspond with their gender... I was very lucky to inherit a lot from my dad. 

[Kinkly]

The people I'm wanting to tell Know I'm struggling with something but don't know what they have proven there friendship to me and deserve to know.
there are also people I feel i should tell because they are involved in my health but they wont know until I have support of my friends and if I need a shoulder to cry on they should have some idea b4 hand.

[Casey]

I think it's as necessary for androgynes to come out as it is for gays and lesbians to come out, often for the same reasons. Not everybody needs to know, especially those who can't handle it. But at some point it's like living a lie, appearing to live as your birth sex. Coming out gives you more freedom to live as yourself.

[Shana A]

I've come out to various people. Otherwise I feel like I'm invisible, all they see is the facade of my birth gender... ick. I think it's important to disclose who I am to anyone who matters to me.

Z

[Eva Marie]

Once I figured out my deal (that I was an androgyne) I "came out" to my wife because A) I thought she had a right to know to help her understand me, and B) because I value her insight and knew that she would keep it between just us and not blab to all of her girlfriends, etc. None of it was a surprise to her, I am who I am (now i'm thinking about popeye the sailor LOL....). We just had a new label for it, and a new insight into how my noodle works. It is just another brick in the road of understanding we have built between us, and it was a heck of a relief to be able to understand why I have always been different.

Now as far as anyone else is concerned i'm not really close enough to anyone to discuss this with them so it will stay just between me and the wife and the peeps here on this board, who I value a lot  .

[sd]

I came out on my larger forum/website and to an entire industry.
It accomplished very little really (some good things, some bad) but at least I no longer have to worry about being one of the boys all the time.

[Lokaeign]

I'm out to my boy, out to my trans and genderqueer friends (mostly virtual chums, but no less beloved for being pixellised), a select few pagan/heathen collegues and to my spiritual advisers.

Everyone else, family and so on... Nah.  I don't even know what I'm coming out as, exactly.  What the Hel do you say?  "Hi, I'm not a woman.  What?  No, I'm not a guy either.  Errrr.... I'll get me coat."

Where am I even going with all this--what's actually going to change?  I've been thinking about top surgery since I knew there was such a thing as top surgery, but the most I've ever done about it is have one abortive conversation with a GP ten years ago.  I've never done anything about getting T.  I don't even have the gumption to stop stuffing my face and go down the gym so I can get some muscle and bind without it being a big joke.  I don't know, maybe I'm just inventing something to hang my anxiety on. 

And then I read some of the older threads here, where people talk about how "androgyne" isn't even really a gender and all people like me are doing is stirring the pot and making things harder for the real TS people...  and when I read that, I wish I could just crawl back into the "FEMALE" box and close the lid.  But I tried that already, and it just didn't take.

Maybe I should have tried harder.  I don't know.  Some days I just want to evaporate.

[Shana A]

And then I read some of the older threads here, where people talk about how "androgyne" isn't even really a gender and all people like me are doing is stirring the pot and making things harder for the real TS people...  and when I read that, I wish I could just crawl back into the "FEMALE" box and close the lid.  But I tried that already, and it just didn't take.

Maybe I should have tried harder.  I don't know.  Some days I just want to evaporate.

Loka, keep stirring the pot  All we can do is be ourselves, being androgyne, or whatever, doesn't need to be threatening to others, they can be themselves too. I tried closing the lid on the male box, didn't work. THis other part of me kept bubbling back up to the surface.

Zythyra

[Kendall]

Being a rather shy person, talking to others about my life is rather difficult. Coming out to some of my closest family members about my gender identity is the extent of my deepest conversations. My last job, I did come out as TG (in the broad sense), and talked to three coworkers about some deeper gender identity related topics such as; whether I felt like a male or female (and I would explain that I feel like both), would I do hrt, and how I relate to my love interest.

[Laurry]

I've come out to my son, ex-wife and a few friends.  Most have accepted it, though a couple don't like it much.

Other than the initial fear of telling someone, the toughest part is to get them to understand that you aren't a boy or a girl.  Most everyone has heard of Transsexuals being the opposite gender of their birth sex, and can sort of understand that, but when you get outside of the gender binary system, their eyes just glaze over.  Seems like it takes so long to explain the concept that they are overwhelmed and don't really know what questions to ask.

And one friend told me that I need to choose, boy or girl.  I told them that I did...both!

....L

[Shana A]

And one friend told me that I need to choose, boy or girl.  I told them that I did...both!

....L

Wonderful choice Laurry!

Z

[Jaimey]

I've never felt a need to come out to anyone because it won't make any difference.  I am the way I am and people either like me or don't...again, I think this comes down to being pre-gendered and not understanding that there was a difference until I was already an adult and already 'me'.  I can't act female, so I don't bother trying anymore (not that I was all that successful at it anyway).  Most people (the ones that don't like me or happen to be related to me) just think I'm a weirdo anyway...or a lesbian.  That one comes up a lot, but I ignore it.  The people that want to know are the ones that don't deserve to. 

Plus, I get tired of answering the same questions over and over and over and that's what would happen with a lot of people.  Since I'm not doing anything to my body, I can concentrate on people liking me for who I am instead of what.  If I were transitioning, it would be different.

But mostly, there isn't anyone who deserves to know.  If ever meet someone who does and they ask me (because I'm obviously different from your average 'jane'), I'll tell them.

[tekla]

Once you are out, there is no further 'coming out' to be done.  You're over it.

[nicola_legrand]

That's exactly my position, at least for the moment. My wife knowing was a good resolution (I hope) to some misunderstandings we'd had. She said it first anyway. Quoting Dory Previn, she once said "I love the woman in your soul". Fair enough. She got there before I did.

As for the rest of the world, why make life tougher for myself than it already is? I don't feel oppressed, by my geder issues, at least, and I wouldn't be throwing off any shackles by going around telling people, "Hey, guess what, I'm an androgyne".

The answer from most people is anyway likely to be "You what?"

I know all about the out and proud thing in the gay community, but there too, I often don't know why people want to do it. It may be a triumph for some, in which case let's celebrate, but others just get to be a pain about it. Maybe I'm lacking in revolutionary fervour, but at this stage I'm doing my best by sorting my own little corner out.

[RebeccaFog]

I came out in a big way. I basically told anyone who'd listen that I was a transsexual.  It turns out I'm not, but I sure learned a lot about people from doing that.   

After I woke up to the truth, I told a few people I'm gender variant.  It is important to me because it is who I am. I don't just blab to anyone. And I now have less of a need to make it known that I am different.  But it's because I know myself and I'm not afraid of others knowing.  I'm not saying that anyone else here is afraid.  Just pointing out that I'm not.

There's nothing wrong with me. If people don't like it, they can bite it. Though, part of my motivation in being out is that I want people to learn that there are many possibilities inherent in how a person identifies. I want them to think of it if any of their children asks 'why do I feel like this?'

Save the world or die trying or, I'll kill you for not trying