Any Success Stories?

[marriedtgdad]

I'm a 33 year old MTF... Pretty closeted right now, but married with a 2 year old son. I'm seriously thinking about transitioning, and my wife knows about gender issues from my past (dressing up, dating men & mtf women). I'm trying to build up the courage to talk to her about it again, and I've heard the the vast majority of marriages fall apart.

Are there any success stories out there? Of couples that stayed together and were relatively happy? Did you stay totally monogamous, or did you come up with an arrangement for a more open relationship? For those who stayed together, how was the whole transition handled?

I'm hoping to find some encouraging news for once..

[Suzy]

The odds are greatly against your marriage staying together.  I know of a few who made it, and there are a few more here on these boards.  Look in the Significant Others forum.  You may be able to track some down.

Kristi

[ftmshubbie]

I'm a 33 year old MTF... Pretty closeted right now, but married with a 2 year old son. I'm seriously thinking about transitioning, and my wife knows about gender issues from my past (dressing up, dating men & mtf women). I'm trying to build up the courage to talk to her about it again, and I've heard the the vast majority of marriages fall apart.

Are there any success stories out there? Of couples that stayed together and were relatively happy? Did you stay totally monogamous, or did you come up with an arrangement for a more open relationship? For those who stayed together, how was the whole transition handled?

I'm hoping to find some encouraging news for once..

Johnnie,

I know of LOTS of couples who have stayed together. I'm a born guy married to an FtM guy...who was my wife for 25 years before transitioning. Yes, we are not the typical case, but it's not all that unusual. My one bit of advice is to go very slowly. You have known for years--maybe all your life--about your "true self." This will all be very big--and unwelcome--news to your wife. Seek counseling together!

Don't take her initial reactions as the final word. Don't be ready to accept the ending of your marriage as "normal" and expected. Be prepared, in fact, to fight for love. Tell your wife there are lots of places to go for support online--and especially right here at Susan's in the SO forum and, especially, the SO chat room. I'm usually there for a short while each night and would be happy tonoffer her support and information.

Play it right and thoughtfully and lovingly, and you may be able to find you wife will transition with you and you'll both be very happy on the other side of the mirror.

Dan (aka ftmshubbie)

[marriedtgdad]

Dan,
Thanks for the reply.. Feel free to buzz me on AIM or yahoo messenger... I'd love to talk further.

[Kate]

Are there any success stories out there? Of couples that stayed together and were relatively happy? Did you stay totally monogamous, or did you come up with an arrangement for a more open relationship? For those who stayed together, how was the whole transition handled?

My wife and I are still together after a year of my being "fulltime." Neither of us know where we're going to end up, but neither of us have any desire for an "open" relationship. If things get to that point, we'll separate/divorce, as we're both very monogamous. For now, we've just been taking it day by day.

While we're "together," it's just as close, but non-intimate girlfriends - which is really how our marriage has always been anyway. So in some ways, transitioning didn't exactly change anything between us. It just sorta put a stamp of finality on it all, and ended our waiting for her "husband to show up" someday.

But we love one another, and generally work well together, and enjoy sharing a life, soooooo... will that be enough? Neither of us know for sure, but so far we've both been willing to find out.

~Kate~

[ftmshubbie]

Dan,
Thanks for the reply.. Feel free to buzz me on AIM or yahoo messenger... I'd love to talk further.

Johnnie,

I don't use AIm or any other messaging service. However, you can often find me on duty in the #CHAT or #SOTALK chat rooms here at Susans in the evenings

Dan

[Joyce]

Johnnie --

My wife and I are making it work.  I don't know how the story will end up, but 18 months into this crisis, we're happy and loving and are looking forward to the next evolution of our relationship.  I think it helps that we have lots of friends who are supportive of her and me separately, and us jointly.

[Sheila]

I'm post op (4 years) and I have been married for 38 years with two grown children, one accepts the other not so much. We pretty much live a life of very close friendship. We are still together and I really don't think that we will split up, only if to make more money on the Social Security track. We are both celebate, at least I am, should talk for myself.
We are much older and I have not heard of a younger person staying together, I guess it could happen.
Sheila