Has anyone else experienced teething troubles since beginning their new journey in life?
Over the last few weeks, my partner's been very supportive despite the fact I'm all too aware I've occasionally bombarded her with information about my past failed transition and plans to finally break out of the binary system, more comfortable now identifying myself as genderfluid. She's commented that since reaching this conclusion, my personality has changed to a point where in addition to being more happy all-round, I can become a real diva (to put it very politely!), though I'm hoping such a problem is just one of the many bugs I've left to iron out.
Anyway, just yesterday I had my first proper real world incident despite being dressed the same way I've done for years as a male, which means it's possible I've only become more aware of this happening rather than it being a new phenomenon, or maybe strangers can now pick up on me acting slightly more ambiguous/feminine. Stood minding my own business, I noticed a man staring at my chest, which never totally flattened back out again when I stopped transitioning nearly 12 years ago, then he studied my several days of facial hair growth before repeating this whole process several times, looking confused as he did this. I left without saying a word, only the same thing happened just a few hours later when a young boy clearly spotted these clashing physical attributes, thankfully walking away quietly.
In such a short amount of time, I'm starting to realise that my so-far conscious decision not to restrict myself is generating very obvious reactions in others, yet I've no intention to simply "gender->-bleeped-<-" with people, even if my current physical state means this is what I'll be most likely be seen as doing. Hopefully once I build up a wardrobe more suited to how I feel inside then I'll be ready to present my true self to friends and relatives, plus my significant other knows someone who might be able to help me with social connections. However I'm presenting at any given point, there's no way I'm going to stop being the friendly, approachable type. Also, a confidence boost here and there might be all it takes for me to forget certain parts of my body I'm not entirely happy with.
Rather than continue to stifle me, such encounters as these don't seem to be having a negative effect. If anything, I'm taking my fear and turning this into further strength, because the alternative was to keep conforming to a set of rules that only hurt me inside, even though I was terrified of losing the important things I'd gained while giving off the impression that I was just a regular man. With the love and assurance of the only woman I'll ever want in life secured, I can face whatever obstacles the world throws at me... The only difference now is that I might not always be the one wearing the trousers in our relationship - not that I ever was in the first place, to be perfectly honest.
While any issues and problems may end up being as individual as we are ourselves, I'm sure many of you out there can relate to the idea of teething troubles in some shape or form. I'd love to read your stories to see if there are some that may prove to be commonplace, as I suspect many of my concerns are me worrying about nothing.
