A rather long hello from the new girl

[Krystal]

Hi everyone I'm Krystal
*waves shyly*
Okays this is the first time I have talked to anyone about this part of my life and am a bit nervous so will probably ramble a lot but here goes.
If I am going to introduce myself I might as well start at the beginning so you will know who I am and what got me here. I have always felt more female than male even in my early childhood I remember watching TV and always fantasizing about being the female. *giggles* I so wanted to be Wonder-Women back then : ) .  I started dressing when I was about 8 or 9 every chance that came along. I still feel bad about raiding the neighbor's clothes line for their daughter's clothes but was making do at the time. The early grades of school were very hard on me since I didn't really seem to fit in with the boys or girls. Recess would usually find me sitting under a tree alone day dreaming. I fought with my folks to keep my hair really long and generally saw myself as female until 9th grade and puberty.
At this point I realized that if I didn't act more like a guy I would continue to be alone and have few friends, so I changed myself to fit their expectations. Well this resulting in having "friends" but also in me becoming very unhappy with myself. I turned into a little hell raiser and stayed in trouble. I fought with my folks all the time and I really regret this since they were really awesome parents they just could not understand me. Well after a while I drop out of school, moved out on my on and went to work full time.
  Not a whole lot to say about  the next ten years or so I pretty much worked most of the time and stayed depressed, self-medicating when things got really bad,  I am luck to have walked away from that part of my life with  becoming seriously addicted to something bad. Also about this time I gave up dating girls I just had no interest in them that way but also did not really want to be with a guy as a male.
Well enough of "back in the day" Eight years ago I started changing my life. Moved back near the area I grew up in (rural south) bought a house in the country and started a home based business. All of a sudden I had much more time on my hands to think about who I am and what I need to be happy. I was sick and tired of felling sick and tired all the time.
I started dressing again but every so often would start feeling all like a pervert and throw them away. After a while I would start to miss my clothes and I would go shopping again. The strain on my purse  helped stop that before I entirely accepted it's ok to feel like I do.
I have had a hard time admitting to myself that I am TG not really sure why since it's who I am, social conditioning I guess. Over the last year I have finally accepted that yes I am TG and  that  I am going to have to make my body match how I feel inside  to be truly happy. This scares me to death for several reasons. One being my mom and close friends (which I have very few) I don't want to loose them since they are part of what keeps me happy in life. Another is that  I have worked so hard to get when I am with my house and business I don't want to have to move or have my business go under. Other things that worry me is not knowing how much HRT would change the inner me or if I can pass as a women. That said I guess I have started to make changes anyway, I shave everywhere now, my eyebrows are getting thinner every few weeks and most of the clothes I wear now are female but very ummm.. unisex.
Weeeeeeee! One things for sure I have not been depressed once since I  have come  to accept myself for who I am  and that makes such a huge difference =^_^=. I think my transition will be very gradual but each step down the path gets you closer to the destination right? 
Anyway that's me and how I wound up here. I am looking forward to becoming a part of the community, getting to know everyone and making some new friends.
*HUGS*
Krystal

[Moira Midnigh]

  Mrawr!
      \
   =^_^=


Welcome to Susan's, Krystal. It seems like a trend for new arrivals to ramble (Did I ramble? I didn't really ramble, did I? You think I did? Well, okay, I might've...), but it really makes much more sense to us than they give us credit for. After all, odds are we've shared your feelings at some point.

Now, unless you start talking in Afrikaans, we'll all understand you. If you -do- start talking in Afrikaans, it'll just be four of us who might understand a word you say, but even then we'll do our best to make you feel comfortable.

But don't start in Afrikaans, really. Keep it English.

So...uhm...take a look around the site, see if you can find some answers to your questions. There are lots to read about HRT and the different effects the different treatments have had on different people. I can't offer much advice on anything but randomness and outward happiness and positivity.

And I hope to make you smile before the end of the post.

Might be I should up my efforts...

Here goes.

Ready?

Don't scroll down, you cheater...one line at the time.

I know what you were trying to do there...

So, now...no cheating, okay?

Okay?!

Okay!

So! Ready?

Really?

No you're not.

...


Babycakes.



See, told you you weren't ready. 


~Moi

[Krystal]

*giggles hard*
Hi  Moira
that made me smile just when I needed to 

Thanks =^_^=

[Jaynatopia]

Welcome Krystal, I think you will find some great resources here at Susan's as you try to figure out reconciling who you are with the life you have already built. All my best,

Jayna

[Moira Midnigh]

Succes!


~Moi

[Wendy C]

Hi Krystal, I am going to do this backwards, I will welcome you to the transgenger community and then I will go back and introduce my self to the group here at Susans. Krystal, I believe that you can if you want find the answers and support you desire here. I would only caution you on two things. This is my opinion only but I believe you should find a good Gender therapist to explore your feelings and also that you be very careful in the HRT area. While the drugs are a life saver to transsexual, they are also inherently dangerous if misused. Please keep that in mind. Thats my two cents worth. 

Now back to my introduction,  Hugs all.

Wendy

[Krystal]

HI Wendy  and Jayna Thank you so much for the welcome =^_^=
This site is incredible so many resources in one place WoW The more I browse the forums the more see the folks here really care about each other. *feels all warm and fuzzy now*
Ok about therapist I probably should have seen someone years ago  but I am terrified  to let a total stranger  know my inner most thoughts and feelings for some reason. I do realize that it could be good for me to talk this  all out with a professional though.  Did anyone else feel like that before they started? Because of this I have been tempted to go the DIY route with hormones. Believe it or not I could do this safely because of connections I have with folks in the medical field (but they have never treated a TG person). I have also read enough to know that if you want to change your name or have SRS that you  have to go the legit route. I have been looking around a bit for someone in the central part of North Carolina. So far I have not had much luck online most of the sites/links I have found are to pages that have not been updated in years. Does anyone know of a therapist in this area that will not scare me to death or totally empty my purse some of these folks charge near 200$ a 50 min session O.O Thats a lot of $$ for a poor country girl.
An  on a less serious note, I went to a neighborhood cookout last night dressed very fem in skinny jeans and a pink tanktop with my hair up hi in a puffy ponytail. LOL I was not sure how that would go over  but it went well. There were a ton of kids there  and within 5 mins the had named me "50" for 50 percent girl *giggles*. Before the night was out the teenage girls there had painted my nails and several of the adults told me I looked cute in pink.  I am so amazed that small things like that can make me feel so GOOD.

[lacitychick21]

Hypermasculinization! urgh....

I went to the Air Force! haahahah true story.

Welcome to the boards, fellow noobie.

[Just Mandy]

Hi Krystal,

I could have written a lot of your intro... lots of similarities when we were young, you and I.

Ok about therapist I probably should have seen someone years ago  but I am terrified  to let a total stranger  know my inner most thoughts and feelings for some reason. I do realize that it could be good for me to talk this  all out with a professional though.  Did anyone else feel like that before they started?

Yep... I was scared to death... and you know what.... it was the best experience of my life. Keeping things inside for me was
part of how I coped with GID... once I allowed myself to talk about all my issues things became much easier.

An  on a less serious note, I went to a neighborhood cookout last night dressed very fem in skinny jeans and a pink tanktop with my hair up hi in a puffy ponytail. LOL I was not sure how that would go over  but it went well. There were a ton of kids there  and within 5 mins the had named me "50" for 50 percent girl *giggles*. Before the night was out the teenage girls there had painted my nails and several of the adults told me I looked cute in pink.  I am so amazed that small things like that can make me feel so GOOD.

Sounds like an awesome time And small things do make a world of difference and they start to add up and pretty soon you feel
good about yourself.

Amanda

[tinkerbell]

Hello Krystal and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you so much for introducing yourself.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay

tink

[Krystal]

Aww
Thanks everyone.
Its great to have found such a friendly place where I can be myself.
I have decided  to take everyones advice and start to look around for a therapist. I have the savings for a few sessions since I had a nest egg for a art convention I wanted to attend. I think this will be a better use of the money than a weekends entertainment. I am still scared but its got to be better than doing nothing. I have found a couple that I am interested in talking to and am going to contact them over the next few days so wish me luck.

[Lori]

Welcome Krystal. What a pretty name

[Krystal]

Thank You
Lori is a very pretty name to.