Ugh...

[Alyce]

So I've had a pretty rough time recently. My mom has been going through some sever depression since october when she flat-lined for a couple minutes and came back to life.

So the other day she comes home and is in another terrible mood...  and a couple of her best friends were there..

Long story short, she tried to kill herself right then and there when she went to the bathroom and we got all the meds she wass going to take away... That night she was taken by the cops to the ER and then to basically an asylum, only maybe a step up.

She was there for a few days and visiting just depressed me to hell. She was the perfect parent in my opinion before all this, and then she goes and tries to kill herself and then starts taking a bunch out on me. It tore me apart, and i cried pretty hard on the drive home talking to my girlfriend (Another difficult factor, with her living a pretty good distance from me.)

To top that off, it just so happened at a time when I had no money or anything, barely enough to get home, let alone food or gas... People at work didn't care what was going on, its always about the money, so i couldnt even leave and do what i needed to do during the time she was in the psych hospital.

Then some doctors put her on some sort of anti-depression concoction of meds... the first day she was on the she walked around running into walls.
She came home the other day and right off walked in the door still in a terrible mood. She doesnt remember how to do anything now.. It's like she's gone senile a few decades before her time. I have to find her keys (not that she should be driving), her wallet, her purse, her shoes, her phone... She was going to the store iwth my aunt the other day who parked in the drive next to my car, and my mom just goes out and gets into my car (not at all by habit, because i dont drive her anywhere hardly.) and just stuff like that.. its terribly depressing

So my own depression is being worsened by hers, because she's one of the VERY few people in my life that even matter to me... And this is all after having to help my nearly-suicidal girlfriend be ok for months before this.

I dunno.. basically just a whole chain of events in my life that  happened to occur at the same time.

And for some reason, when i get depressed, i think more and more about what life would have been like should i have been borne a girl (which is pretty much my #1 wish... or dream that will never happen) which depresses me more because im not, and will never have a genetic feminine body....

[funnygrl]

Jesus Alyce I'm so sorry (welcome to susans by btw) you're definately having to handle a lot more than most of us;especially, your mom and your gf too.

I can relate to the severe depression regarding not being a gg and still look'n very dude on top of that. Wish I had some great advice for your mom. my therapist has given me a lot of great ways to deal with my own depression; positive self talk and stuff like that, and I have to say it's working.

I was having a hard time just getting up to exercise!!! no way am I goin' to get on HRT looking like I do right now. And anyway due to my depression my therapist won't give me the HRT letter. I don't blame her.

So that is a real motivator for me in getting a handle on all of this. Hey, {{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS FROM A SISTER YOU JUST MET}}}}}}}}}

[cindybc]

May I suggest that you put aside the rescue mission for a while. From what you have shared with us I would have to say that you are pretty beat up, or burned out from all the problems you are presently experiencing. I am not going to suggest anything but just make a few points.

#1 Is you need time to heal yourself before you can even begin to think about healing others.

#2 As I have mentioned on other threads that, if you are seriously going ahead with your journey there are times where you need to be selfish, be thine own healer. You are going to need all the strength you can muster if you intend to transition.

#3 I doubt if your mom is going to get on the wagon in cheering you on. Probably at most play head games with you. That is quite a well known factor, that most members families have done to them, and that also includes wives. 

#4 It is quite true that family will do everything they can to discourage you from your journey, so will some of your friends and co-workers.

Cindy

[sd]

Sorry to hear about all that.
Cindy has some good advice, but also, talk to her doc, it sounds like her meds are not right (or she has not been taking them).

[nickie]

Bless you, Dear. I thought I had it rough! Listen to Cindy, she's a smart cookie. Take care of yourself first! Love yourself, make yourself happy, then others will be happy, or they will leave.

[Alyce]

Hmm.. Thanks for the support, everyone 

As for the meds.... Here are at least 4 of them.. dunno if there are more, but, for now...:

depakote er 500mg 1  2x a day

mirtazapine 30mg 1 at bedtime

budeprion xl 300mg 1 each morning

lorazepam 2mg 1 every 6 hours

Looked em up. They're anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, sleeping aids, and i think a bi-polar treatment....

Posted on: May 10, 2008, 09:39:30 PMAnd she went back to the ER tonight... We think the docs have prescribed her wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy more than she should be taking.  She's hallucinating, talking to people who aren't there, but she feels alone at the same time. Shes seeing patterns when she closes her eyes, she slugs around, going between sleeping and drinking.
I want to talk to the "doctors" who prescribed her the stuff....... its a very NOT good situation.

Happy mothers day, mom. You get to ride in an ambulance to the ER! While in a depressed, drugged up stupor.

Have fun!