doubts

[NicholeW.]

The only way B&B 'see' that a male might be 'transsexual' is if that male is a very submissive homosexual who doesn't really want to be 'homosexual.' Instead, that 'man' wants heterosexual men to 'take' him...

Thus, those people, according to B&B and their evolution of Freudian Psychology, are 'true transsexuals.' They MUST be perceived as women to have a satisfying sex-life.

Sorta, lol... the way I read the theories is that NEITHER type is a "true transsexual," since neither type is motivated by having a "female gender identity." Homosexuals change sexes simply because it lets them have better sex lives, and heterosexuals change sexes to satisfy an self-directed sex drive. Nothing to do with "identity" in either case, although Bailey suggests that the gay effeminacy of homosexuals supposedly makes them more "successful" after transition.

~Kate~

You are spot-on w/ Bailey. He is as dismissive of one type as of the other, although many of the HSTS do not see that. Since, apparently his thinking they are attractive enough to go to bed with is all the validation needed for his statements. LOL

But, I believe if you read Blanchard & Bailey you will find something like 'true transsexual' there.

Neither believe there are any "gender identities" for anyone.

N~

[Just Mandy]

I've been obsessing over this for like days now.  Going back over my life and seeing if theres any sign of autogynephillia, and its driving me insane.  If I'm meant to be delusional in feeling female then i figured that everything I've thought up until now would be full of holes and be inconsistent.  But I can't figure it out.  Me being a woman, but born with a male body does make sense.  It does explain how I've felt my entire life.  It does explain why I suffered from depression during puberty and it explains why I became suicidal trying to live as a man.

Blanchard's theory might be able to explain parts of me, but it doesn't explain everything, no matter how hard I try to fit it to my life (and i have been obsessing over this!).  I know I can't proof he is wrong, and I'm biased against him cos i don't like the consequences of his theory.  But his theory doesn't explain my life particularly well, even if you give him the benefit of the doubt over a few things and assume i'm in denial etc etc etc.

So I'm gonna stop obssessing over this, and return the land of sanity!  Ok, I don't know what the cause of TS is, but i'm pretty sure its not a sexual fantasy, and i have no reason to think i'm a liar or delusional!

And I'm gonna trust that I know myself better than some psychologist on the other side of the world.  So I'm not gonna let any of those silly doubts get to me, and i would like to declare that i am actually sane!

Thankyou all for replying to me, and being a real support, you're all so lovely. Smiley
*huggles*
Jenny

They are called 'autogynephiles' (basically people who 'get off' on the sexual appearance of their own bodies.) Those men generally marry and fertlize eggs and have off-spring, they are normally attracted to women exclusively (according to Blanchard.) (According to Bailey the HSTSes are particularly suited for prostitution, waitress jobs, secretarial work and other socially-constructed low-end 'female' jobs. Bailey says that if TSes have worked in computers, mathematics, law, criminal justice, etc that they are not 'true transsexuals, but ->-bleeped-<-TSes.)

Hi Jenny,

I'm glad you shared your fears here. It re-assures me and makes me sad at the same time that someone
as far along as you are has doubts. I do as well and I hoped it was something I was going to let pass soon.

But we share a common thread... I know I've been female my entire life, I know it's not a sexual fantasy at all, I know
I'm not lying to myself, I know I'm not delusional. I also work in a technical field. So all I can say is there is at least one
more person out there similar to you. I'm not sure what that makes us but I hope that helps a little.

Amanda

[jenny_]

I don't have doubts per se, but when I read stuff by Jamison Green, where he says most of his life he was perceived as male even though he hadn't transitioned, how he was one of the guys, etc, I feel lacking.  When I watch documentaries about transgendered children, they're adamantly proclaiming their gender at age 2 and keep insisting.  That wasn't me, either.  Like I'm not male enough, or not trans enough or whatever.

Jay, having a bad day.  Thank whoever that I have a therapy appt tomorrow!!   

Its natural to compare yourself to others, but that doesn't make you any less male or trans, cos everyones different like Beyond said. 

It'd make a pretty boring documentary if the children weren't proclaiming their gender all the time! documentary producers choose extreme cases all the time to make their shows more interesting, even if they are trying to be factual.

I wasn't proclaiming my gender at 2, but that didn't mean I had no gender issues!  I watch these programmes and i'm jealous of the kids for having such a huge understanding of their gender identity.  But for me its difficult to even describe how i felt about my gender when i was really young, because I had NO understanding of it. 

I do sometimes say that I've felt female since I was very young, but thats only in hindsight.  What I mean is that I had gender issues from when i was young, but i didn't understand them, so I wasn't proclaiming them to the world at a young age.  It took two decades to understand my feelings and accept that hey i'm a girl, and those feelings as a kid were because i am a girl.  Ok, i don't know how you felt as a kid, but maybe like me you felt it, but didn't understand it enough to be able to claim it as a kid?

And same goes for other people. I look male and am trying to fit in with being male, so thats how i'm perceived until i transitioned.  But then people say to me that, actually it fits, you did kinda like a girl before and this isn't a massive shock etc etc.  But the point is that they only figure this in hindsight, after they understand that i am a girl.

What i'm saying (and not very well!) is that just because you, or other people didn't proclaim that you was male or trans or whatever all your life, doesn't mean that your feelings of such are any less!  And it doesn't mean they weren't there, but maybe that you (and your friends/family) didn't understand them until much later.

*Hugs*
Jenny

p.s. good look with your therapy session!! Hope it helps

[sneakersjay]

Thanks Jenny!  I didn't have the words to describe what I felt as a child either, but I knew I wanted to be a boy, and felt like a boy.  I knew I wasn't a girl, or rather a typical girl.  I didn't truly understand gender issues either and didn't know why I didn't fit in.  I look back and it's clear as day, and it totally makes sense.

It's just this limbo where I don't quite fit anywhere and I'm not yet on T.

Appointment went well. 

Jay

[Just Mandy]

I do sometimes say that I've felt female since I was very young, but thats only in hindsight.  What I mean is that I had gender issues from when i was young, but i didn't understand them, so I wasn't proclaiming them to the world at a young age.  It took two decades to understand my feelings and accept that hey i'm a girl, and those feelings as a kid were because i am a girl.  Ok, i don't know how you felt as a kid, but maybe like me you felt it, but didn't understand it enough to be able to claim it as a kid?

That's a great way of putting it. I knew I was different at the time... but how I was at the time was all I knew.

And like you say... only in hindsight do I realize what I was feeling.

Amanda

[Alyssa M.]

I wasn't proclaiming my gender at 2, but that didn't mean I had no gender issues!  I watch these programmes and i'm jealous of the kids for having such a huge understanding of their gender identity.  But for me its difficult to even describe how i felt about my gender when i was really young, because I had NO understanding of it.

It's just this limbo where I don't quite fit anywhere and I'm not yet on T.

Wow, I soooo identify with both of these sentiments. It sometimes feel kind of guilty for envying people who are more adamant at an early age about their desire to live in the other gender -- after all, you'd think, at least naively, that their suffering is greater (which is why they have more clarity). Nonetheless, this limbo thing really sucks. I had a therapy session yesterday which ended up being all about doubts and concerns and all. Not really pleasant. Frustrating ... but useful, I think.

[Beyond]

Sorta, lol... the way I read the theories is that NEITHER type is a "true transsexual," since neither type is motivated by having a "female gender identity." Homosexuals change sexes simply because it lets them have better sex lives, and heterosexuals change sexes to satisfy an self-directed sex drive. Nothing to do with "identity" in either case, although Bailey suggests that the gay effeminacy of homosexuals supposedly makes them more "successful" after transition.

That's a major flaw in his "theories".  He doesn't believe in the concept of gender identity.  To him sex and gender are the same thing.  He just doesn't get it.

[Shana A]

That's a major flaw in his "theories".  He doesn't believe in the concept of gender identity.  To him sex and gender are the same thing.  He just doesn't get it.

I don't believe in Blanchard and Bailey or their theories.

Z

[Ms Jessica]

What worked for me - and I realize I've ruffled a few feathers by saying this - but what worked for me was to just remove myself from the entire justification game....

And IMHO, the drive, that need to find some assurance that "it's OK for me to transition because..." is driven by the shame and guilt we've internalized since childhood over all this. Why we end up doing that, I don't know, but I swear it's STILL twisting and warping our thoughts even after transitioning, manifesting as all these searches for biological causes, proclamations of "I've always been a woman!", and even activism in some cases (trying to prove to everyone - and ourselves - that really, TSism is ok).

~Kate~

I was originally going to post much more about this and then realized that Kate had said the exact same thing I wanted to say.  So I'm going to reiterate her position and then elaborate just a bit.  Playing the justification game is a losing battle.  There will always be some new idea that you have to work around.  And it's completely unnecessary.  You should transition if transition works for you.  At least, I think that's the point Kate was trying to make with the hair color story.  Do what works for you, justification or reason be damned. 

Once you settle all of this for yourself and make peace with your decisions, Blanchard's ideas won't cause you any more worry or doubt than finding an old forgotten pair of boy's jeans at the bottom of your dresser.  Something you missed during spring cleaning.  You'll pull them out, take one look, and think "uggh.  I can't believe I used to wear such ugly clothes!" and into the trash they'll go.  You won't even think twice.