Almost Out

[Lutin]

Well, although I've said almost from square one that I had no intentions of telling anyone that I'm transgender/bigender/gender fluid (whichever label seems to fit best at the time), I almost came out to Mum the other day. We were both sitting in the living room talking (as you do), and there was one of those between-conversation silences, and I almost said "Mum, I think I'm transgender." I'd even inhaled, ready to say it...but didn't. Every time I go to tell her, I keep thinking about the fact that it won't really do anything other than change the way she sees "her little baby girl", and maybe make her draw conclusions about me that aren't true. It won't really lead anywhere, as I see it, other than her learning some new "unable-to-be-acted-upon" information about her only daughter, and so I always (obviously) end up saying nought.

But I came so close!!!

Anyone else experience something similar?

[Yip]

Like you coming out for me would change nothing but how my family see's me.
They'd get it all wrong and not understand. I don't think they'd be nasty to me over it
But I do know a coming job opportunity would be gone (and I NEED that pay if I ever want a shot at this)
I see no easy solution I've been trying to channel my secret wish in other ways.

My reasoning right now is that, if coming out will hurt me more then help then I wont.
I'll wait and try to change things and maybe someday I will be able to.
Its tempting recently my best friend told me another friend of ours is gay, It didn't
bother him one bit and for a few moments there I was wondering what it would be like
to have someone close i could be truthful too.. But I didn't risk it in the end.

Anyway this isn't helpful but at least you know your not alone with this problem.
I'd like to add that I take it you are FtM? Just makes me want to cry you have no idea
how much I wish I could swap...then again maybe you do

[Lutin]

Anyway this isn't helpful but at least you know your not alone with this problem.
I'd like to add that I take it you are FtM? Just makes me want to cry you have no idea
how much I wish I could swap...then again maybe you do.

On the contrary, it's actually *very* helpful knowing you're not alone . Always makes you feel better (or it does me, anyway). And yes, bi/gay FtM (I'm assuming you're MtF?), and I *completely* understand wanting to swap positions with someone else.

Hard as it sometimes is, seems the only thing to do is keep smiling