Can i call myself Mr.

[metal angel]

I'm doing a PhD soon hopefully, so i guess i'll go with "Dr" then, but untill then, i don't think i can take any more "Ms"! I have no intension to go full F2M or get any surgery or hormone treatments, i am too much of a wimp to even have my wisdom teeth out, and many other reasons. And with this body, cross dressing would either just look tom boy-ish or look a total joke, so i give up and wear whatever is comfortable.

But language is getting to me. I prefer to use my innitials instead of my girly name where-ever possible, but i am sick of all those forms with their Mr/Ms/Miss section. I usually hover my pen over "Mr" for a while, then i worry that it will cuase too much confusion, or maybe (if it's somethig like tax) i worry that it may be considerred fraud, then give up and reluctantly pick "Ms".

I guess i feel i am a bit of each gender, but given bodily i am painfuly female, i want to compensate a bit somewhere. I almost alwayse play male online, with a male alias, it's the only place i can "pass", and i pass quite often on line, sometimes when i'm not even trying. But i want a nice "Mr" to compensate for my girly name even in formal stuff. Is it a dumb idea? Seeing "Mr (me)" on letters would make me so happy.

I am so glad i started my facebook account (it has my real name) before they made you pick a gender it still calls me "their" 

[Nicky]

In my country there is no actual law saying what title you should use. Might be worth checking your laws before you change it on a tax form, otherwise go for it.

I don't think it is dumb. I think it is your right as a person to be called what you want to be called.

[Simone Louise]

I have given up worrying about the title the electric  company or some obscure charity uses to address me. I am amused when I am addressed as "Fr". The synagogue I helped found used to (and perhaps still does) get mail addressed to Ms Beth E Temple.

For me, it is more of a problem when a group of women friends want to know if I am uncomfortable being the only man in the group, or feel a need to modify the conversation because I am in the room. It used to sadden me when my wife would come home from meetings of a new mothers' support group, and deliver an angry lecture starting with the words: "You men..." I have enough failing without being asked to accept blame for the actions of other sperm producing humans, humans I neither know nor control.

Personally, I would be happy to address you as Mr (or the older term: Master) and, when that happy day arrives, as Dr.

Preferably untitled,
S

[Jaimey]

I'm with you, Metal Angel!  I frickin' hate the Ms/Mrs/Miss crap.  I don't have the patience for a Ph.D. though.   

I intend on being a novelist and I'm going to begin an MFA program (hopefully) next fall...the pen name I chose is two initials with a last name and I'll probably just have people call me by that last name.  I intend on changing my name too, whenever I get a little more settled in my life to a masculine name.  But like you, I'm not going to change my body.

Welcome!

[Cindy]

Hi
Congrats BTW, I have a Ph.D, I cross out the lot and just write Dr. Never had a problem so far. i My tactic is if in doubt tick all the boxes, no one I have ever met views them. I really don't think any one does. Anyone in the community have information? ie when was the last time you filled in a form and someone phoned, "Hi we just need to check what sex you are?" Ahem?

Love and congratulations again, I have had seven Ph.D students, all totally wonderful people. I have really enjoyed working with them, in the good and the bad times. I have three current, one writing up and going nuts. One in her first year and has already done a mass of work and just a dynamo, and one who has a clinical role and has never quite managed to adapt.

Luv to be soon
Doctor Metal Angel ( has a ring about it)

[tekla]

But as you know Cindy, its a long, long way from "going to do a PhD soon" to getting the damn thing.  Most who start, do not finish.

[metal angel]

actually among the people i know i know a lot who have finnished (abut half the people i work with, so dozens in total), i have only known two who haven't finnished. One had her house burn down with all her lab books in it. The other unexpectadly and unintensionally became a dad fdurring his PhD, then his brother committed suicide, then his supervisor had some sort of nervous breakdown. I think i know people who know one other who had a fight with his supervisor, and the other is a national radio DJ here in Oz who was doing a Phd in pure mathematics but didn't finish cos he got a good job in radio by fluke.

maybe i'm getting a biased sample of success though, working in a research lab... i do keep asking where all the old scientists go... labs tend to be very young.

what are you researching, cindy?

[tekla]

Just don't put the cart before the horse, the PhD deal is structured in such a way that the hardest part is at the end, not the beginning.

[metal angel]

are you doing a PhD or something? what in, out of interest?

[tekla]

Done, somewhere in the distant past.  Even taught at the university/college level for a decade before drifting back to doing full-time what I always most loved doing.  But I use it, and it comes in handy now and again. And I'm using it my own unique way still, I'm just determined that if I ever write a book again, I'm going to make damn sure that its a book people want to buy and read.  So, heavy on the drugs and sex.

History of Science and Technology for the PhD, American History for the Masters. 

[Cindy]

Dear Kat and Angel

I accept both of your comments. I have never lost a Ph.D student (to their degrees). I have lost one Hons student, she was a very young mum, without a father for her child and it got too much.  None have commited sucide, although I have to admit to some very long conversations at odd hours of the night. No probs, that's why I teach: it's not he 8-5 high school stuff, it's the "I'm a human," what do I do now? .

Kat, I think in some way we are similar, I love to work at my extreme, I love teaching to people who want to learn, I despise people who take up my time by not wanting to learn. I respect humans. The chance and challenge for me to run a diagnostic and research lab is massive. I love it. You know my personal situation, I still cannot walk away from this work life. I have a slight hope that what I do may be of value.

Dear Angel,
I may have mis-read your post, I thought you were finishing rather than strarting, no matter. A Ph.D is very challenging. I really enjoyed it. I cried, I screamed, I drank, I grew up. I learned how to think. I would go in as Cindy, I would go in as P. No one ever had a problem. The problems were after when I went professional.
As ever think of your goals. And as I  torture my students. "What is the question? I don't give a shive for your ability. What is the QUESTION?

I'm in leukaemia research.

Good look Angel.

Kat how are you? You sound a bit tired.

I think I have pig flu, waiting for the swabs, and since I cannot go to work, I'm bored brainless

Sorry
Luv
Cindy
u

[LordKAT]

Ya can't be bored brainless, you have a Phd. Bored nutless maybe?

[Seshatneferw]

Ya can't be bored brainless, you have a Phd.

'Course she can. There are lots of doctors around who are brainless, both temporarily (like Cindy) and permanently (like some I've met physically). Having a well-functioning brain is not an absolute requirement for a Ph.D., and neither is it a guarantee for getting one.

Like Kat said, there are lots of people who start and never finish; but also, like  Cindy and the Angel suggest, there are close-knit research groups and labs where just about everyone finishes. From my experience, the former seem more common in humanities and the latter in medicine and hard sciences, but like with gender (must mention that somewhere ) there are lots of exceptions and in-betweens.

And yes, the gender-neutral title was a nice bonus; the real benefit, though, was a few years of (not so well) paid vacation from the real job.

  Nfr
  (linguistics, mostly of a computational flavour)

[metal angel]

you're a computational linguist?

[LordKAT]

Seshatneferw,

Long name. I think you are right. I wonder if it ain't the more intelligent people who can be bored more easily. Like maybe problems or activities become to easy or common that the challenge is gone. I say that because my son is tested hi on the intelligence ladder but was very bored in school if he didn't have something challenging to occupy his mind.

In reading my nutless thing, I meant not nuts as in not silly. It comes off different than that when I read it this morning. I have to watch using family in jokes I think.


Back to the subject. I skip those little check off boxes and if they are seperated with a slash , I either skip  all or circle all of them.

[Pica Pica]

I think you can do that, but I think Reverend or Admiral or Lord are right out - which is a pity, when I signed up with my banks, I so wanted to be Admiral - like the moth.

[Jaimey]

Lord would be pretty nice too...Lord Jaimey.  I could live with that.

You can be Admiral Pica of the Unicorn forest!

[Seshatneferw]

you're a computational linguist?

Sort of, although not in the sense of natural language processing. Still trying to figure out just exactly what I am professionally as well as gender-wise. 

I think you can do that, but I think Reverend or Admiral or Lord are right out - which is a pity, when I signed up with my banks, I so wanted to be Admiral - like the moth.

Reverend Admiral Pica does sound very nice. I hope you won't mind if the rest of us start using your new title... 

  Nfr

[metal angel]

A Ph.D is very challenging. I really enjoyed it. I cried, I screamed, I drank, I grew up. I learned how to think. I would go in as Cindy, I would go in as P. No one ever had a problem. The problems were after when I went professional.

How did your lab you did your PhD in relate to you as Cindy?