what are your thoughts as you look at old photos of yourself?

[Butterfly]

I think: Wow I am so glad Ive changed so much and gone through bad stages of my life and severe self conscious issues when I was younger. I am happy at the personal growth Ive made over the years. And fudge! I wish all the people that made fun of me a long time ago could see me now! ~laugh~

[Kaitlyn]

When I look at my pictures from my early teens, I just get so angry at the world, at my family, and at myself.  If I'd even though I could do something about GID back then, I might have had a chance at an actual childhood!

I wouldn't be trying to put myself back together after having the inmates/primates in America's public school system do their best to break me apart.  I wouldn't want to cry (but be unable to) every time I think about how I look like a bloated balding acne-scarred middle aged troll -- when I'm only 24.  Oh, woe is me, etc, etc.

On the bright side, I have looked at photos from several months back, before my "epiphany" and efforts to get myself in shape.  It's like looking at a completely different person.   Although I still look trollish, I might pass as a quasi-androgynous Generation Y troll with a couple more months of effort.

[funnygrl]

what i've read so far, i would be just repeating, but isn't that really the truth for us all?

When I look @ old pic's of me you better believe the depression rushes in, especially when I see, and quite stupidly, compare how I looked then to the young TG grrls here that have posted pic's of themselves.

God HRT would've been great back then!!! Plus, I was so THIN and I had REALLY, REALLY, REEEEEAAAALLY NICE, FULL, LONG ASS (down to my ass to be exact) HAIR

Now I'm trying to get my real hair back and trying to fill in the top better   And even though, thanks mostly to diabetes, I have lost over 240 lbs, I still have another ...well...that's classified

I make the mistake @ looking through womens clothing catalogs and BOOM, depressed, crabby and wanting to die, especially after flipping through a Victoria Secret catalog...I KNOW, STUPID!!!!

I will be starting HRT @ the end of July, I have my letter and the appointment is set...GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY!!!!

[Jeannette]

Sad, that when I was that young I didn't think I was pretty enough or good enough and I let people walk all over me.  I wish I hadn't wasted all those years on something that nobody could comprehend.

[soldierjane]

Who's that? What sad, misplaced eyes.

[Windrider]

When I look at photos of Danielle and myself, I see us together and smiling. But part of me wonders if we were really that happy. Dani will tell you she really wasn't. I honestly can't tell you if I was either. By that point, she was becoming withdrawn and I was trying to do what I could to break her out of that shell. :/

I think the only pictures Dani and I have where she is actually *happy* are our wedding pictures.

WR

[Kaitlyn]

I think, "Wow... he's fat!"

[je]

Just plain disgusting. Hell, that is how I feel at the moment.

[Renate]

Ah, I take it all lightly. The old photos are kind of amusing. I don't torture myself with "could have, should have".

One of my favorites photos of me is three months before full-time. The photo is definitely male, but a really happy male looking forward to the future and great things.

[Audrey]

I was looking through pictures at my sisters house, and was like; whos that when I saw my pic.  LOL thats when I realized that it was me.

Audrey

[mr_marc]

My first thought is 'Nooooo!!! My eyes!! Burn them!!!'
Like i have done with a few lol, but. Alas, Mum still wants to remember her daughter.
So i leave them be, but when i look.
I laugh now, cause i cant see myself being that person any more.

[Kaitlyn]

Just looked at some old photos today... I never knew I used to be a fat, creepy old man. 

Seriously, you'd have to see the pics to believe it.  I look about 40 years older than my biological age in most of them, especially the profile shots.  When I was in high school, people who didn't know me assumed I was a parent.  A parent of a high school student.

It's nothing so horrible as one of those aging disorders - just a horribly sloping forehead, jutting chin, heavy jowls, turkey neck, grey hair, receding hairline, balding crown, wrinkled forehead, acne scarring, massive jaw, hooked nose, etc etc ad nauseam.  It's like I put testosterone in my coffee.

[cindybc]

Hi Nephie, I would say that your post is pretty well on the money in describing myself in a nutshell.

When I look at my pictures from my early teens, I just get so angry at the world, at my family, and at myself.  If I'd even though I could do something about GID back then, I might have had a chance at an actual childhood!

I wouldn't be trying to put myself back together after having the inmates/primates in America's public school system do their best to break me apart.  I wouldn't want to cry (but be unable to) every time I think about how I look like a bloated balding acne-scarred middle aged troll -- when I'm only 24.  Oh, woe is me, etc, etc.

On the bright side, I have looked at photos from several months back, before my "epiphany" and efforts to get myself in shape.  It's like looking at a completely different person.   Although I still look trollish, I might pass as a quasi-androgynous Generation Y troll with a couple more months of effort

Cindy

Posted on: September 16, 2008, 06:33:44 AMContinued, for some reason I had to split my message in half because it kept coming back saying message body is empty.

But now I look like a much younger looking troll then I did ten years ago. As for old photos I believe they kind of got left behind somewhere during all my moving about through the years.

The oldest photo's that I have saved are in my hard drive and only go as far back to ten years ago when I was just starting out full time. Well I realy don't need to be reminded as to what I looked like in the other gender. I don't remember what I looked like and I am quite happy to leave if like that.

But I do remember the experiences of my childhood and teen years quite well, they were good years even if I was mostly a loner through those years. if I see myself back then in the present gender I am today I could say I was a fairly happy kid living with middle class loving parents. The only other memory I would sooner not think of was that stupid public school which I thought of more as the dungeon.

Cindy   

[emilyking]

For me, I wonder how my Mom and step Dad were so oblivious.  Looking at my younger pictures, you could tell something wasn't right.  I clearly did not develope correctly.

[MeghanAndrews]

It's soooo trippy and neat to see responses to these old questions and read something I wrote almost 7 years ago. Crazy! Lol

[Jill F]

I want to chuck biscuits all over the guy on the left.

[Cindy]

I want to chuck biscuits all over the guy on the left.

Not surprised, if I saw him following me home I would run

I did have a really fun afternoon with a friend who had a very masculine hard looking face, she is a very beautiful woman after her FFS, we went through old photos of each other and just rolled around laughing.

[Ms Grace]

I'm kind of neutral to old pics of guy me. I can tell that despite the fact I'm smiling in many of them there is real sadness behind my eyes. There's a lovely pic of me with my grandmother taken eleven years ago at my brother's wedding which I still have on my bookshelf so I definitely don't mind that reminder of who I was. It's all part of the journey.

[Cindy]

Good point Grace, what I see in my old pics are the dead eyes. So much sorrow in them, and now they sparkle.

[Carrie Liz]

I just recently re-watched the video of myself that I made on the day that I started HRT, from exactly 2 years ago.

It's scary. I don't recognize that person anymore. And I can't even remember being that person.

It's downright shocking to me, but I don't feel any more of an emotional connection to pictures and videos of my pre-transition adult self than I feel to any other random guy that I know. He's more like a friend that I knew a long time ago than a person that I can consciously remember looking in the mirror and associating that person as being "me."

The odd thing is, I still do have an emotional connection with my pictures from childhood. That person still feels like "me." And then around age 14, I start recognizing myself less and less. The person I know is slowly replaced by that adult guy that I don't recognize and don't remember being.

I'm completely not joking when I say that, looking at old pictures, that person is not me. Seriously. I can't even fathom what it must be like to be that big, to have those big fatty arms, that thick neck, those bulky male facial features, that thick blocky build, all of that freaking gross body hair, that deep booming voice. I seriously can't remember any of it... the only body I can consciously remember having is my current female body.

So I guess my thoughts as I look at old photos is basically "Seriously? THAT was me? "