Guilt

[Mari]

As my physical transition is aproaching, and I am absolutely sure that
it's right thing for me...        i have this wierd feeling...
My mother, who is my only living parent, isn't very supporive of my transition.
She seems very sad over the fact that she is loosing her son, and that i am
going to put myself through hell for nothing (her own words).
So i feel sort of guilty and in a same way sad ....
any help?

[Sarah Louise]

All you can do is be patient with your mother and try to help her understand why this Is the right thing for you. 


Sarah L.

[findingreason]

I agree, hopefully she will begin to see that as you transition. If she sees that you are happier as you go through the process (assuming that this is the case), she will hopefully better accept that. I understand where you are coming from, I wonder the same as I am figuring everything out, why am I putting myself through hell with all this?

Good luck, and hugs  !

[lacitychick21]

Guilt stems from feeling like you're doing you're not supposed to, like you are somehow in the wrong. In that regard, it's natural to feel guilt with someone so close to you telling you what you're doing is wrong.

In your heart of hearts, you know you're doing the right thing for yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it. Not everyone will understand. We can only hope that as you become happier, the ones who love you will follow suit.

[gina]

This is normal of your mom to use the guilt process on you. I think almost every one of us in this situation had a family member or friend use the tool of guilt on us. Stay strong you are not doing anything wrong...you are trying to make a life for youself that is happy....nothing wrong with that...you are entitled to this just as well as any one else. Ask you mom does she want a sad, unhappy son....or a very happy daughter (sorry this may sound cruel) but this may switch the guilt on her and cancel this game of guilt. Its a bad tool and I wish it wasn't used so easily. Anyway I hope it works out smoothly for you...

gina

[Alyssa M.]

Hi Mari.

I so very well understand how you are feeling. My mother is supportive of me transitioning, and yet I feel a lot of guilt because I know how much the thought of it hurts her. I think maybe your mother is simply being honest, more honest than mine. I suspect it wouldn't matter so much if she didn't love you, and if you didn't love her. But love means being vulnerable to the pain of disappointment and loss. She has hopes for you, and she feels like she's losing them. Perhaps you can be thankful that she wants you to succeed, and hope that she can learn that you will succeed, just in a different -- and wonderful -- way.

And perhaps I can listen to my own advice.

-Alyssa

[majiccdtv]

good luck!

[sneakersjay]

My mother -- it's all about HER.  I learned a long time ago not to let it get under my skin, not to let her guilt eat at me or bother me.  Someone somewhere once said to let the comments and guilt or whatever just to roll 'like water off a duck's back'.  It helped me remember that HER issues are not MY issues and that I am not responsible for her happiness.

If I think back to my childhood, I was not supported, my needs not met (basics, yes, love, yes, but sometimes you just need your mom and I was basically told to 'get over it!' as my parents were of the camp that children were not to be coddled, no matter what).

So, to you mom, this is something that you'll just have 'to get over!'

Jay