Sticky Situations

[samanthawhalen]

This is not a "dirty" thread

Have any of you all ever forgotten about  your transitioning and walked into a situation where, physically speaking, you didn't fit into the gender you wanted to look like, but you were dressed and/or manicured like your desired gender?

This happened this morning (Friday).  My wife and I and our son went to renew the registration on our truck.  I had my herbal hormones with me (until I go on the prescription stuff in September), but could not take them without something to drink.  So we pulled up to a gas station.  Since she was driving, she got out first and as I was about to get out I realized something: I was dressed in a pair of her sweat shorts, which really show off my butt and hips.  My legs were shaved up to just above the knees (I don't have a lot of body hair, and it's light colored).  My toenails were painted, but I was wearing a pair of those cheap Wal-Mart garden shoes.  I had no hat on, and I am balding.  My nails are long, I have been growing out.  I feel I look feminine, but technically I look like a freak.  I panicked.  She got frustrated and had to go into the store to buy my soda. 

Fast forward to when we got to the courthouse.  This time she wasn't going in, she wanted to stay out in the truck with our son, since there might be a long line and he is only 2 years old.  And, there was the potentially embarassing situation of not actually having any insurance (we're poor, and about to get some again).  So, out of the truck and up through the parking lot I went, with my tushy twisting in the wind.  In the registration office, a couple of old guys were looking at me.  One of them kept staring at my legs and my shoes and my earring (I need to get the other ear pierced, so I can look more feminine and less queer).  When I got up to the counter and exchanged money and original registration copy for my new registration card and license plate sticker, the woman seem miffed about something.  I don't know what it was, but she was staring at my nails as were exchanging everything.  I sort of had the feeling that she was feeling insecure about herself, but she might have just been prejudiced.  I made it out of there alive, and I'm ONE STEP CLOSER to being myself

What experiences have you all had when it comes to untimely situations in transitioning?

Aeron

[ANewMe]

I took an entirely different tack. I didn't have that kind of bravery.  Instead I was still trying to present as male long after I had no facial hair and had been on HRT for long enough that I easily filled a B cup. It was once I started noticing more people call me miss or mam then utterly confused when I spoke. When my wife and I were out some place they would say "may I help you ladies" once that started happening like 90-95% of the time I knew it was time to transition (past time really). So in one bold move I went on a shopping spree and began living in my correct gender everywhere but work (I had long since came out to friends and family). That lasted like 6 months before the pressures of trying to live a lie part of the time got to me and I transitioned at work. Different reasons but people still thought I was a freak. Until I transitioned to full time, the upside is that I have never been read as anything other than female since I transitioned.

ttfn

[samanthawhalen]

I really like how you handled that, ANewMe.  I may try that approach toward transitioning, and not wear anything feminine in public until either I just do not look right in men's clothing or I get tired of playing the "stately man" image.  What frightens me is that I might never be lucky enough to be in the position you were in, where physically I look like a woman and get called "mam".  From that viewpoint, it's like why wait for eternity?  The other day I felt feminine and was dressed feminine, but got called "sir".  Obviously things about me yelled "It's a man!!!", but it was disheartening.   

Aeron

[deviousxen]

This is not a "dirty" thread

Have any of you all ever forgotten about  your transitioning and walked into a situation where, physically speaking, you didn't fit into the gender you wanted to look like, but you were dressed and/or manicured like your desired gender?

This happened this morning (Friday).  My wife and I and our son went to renew the registration on our truck.  I had my herbal hormones with me (until I go on the prescription stuff in September), but could not take them without something to drink.  So we pulled up to a gas station.  Since she was driving, she got out first and as I was about to get out I realized something: I was dressed in a pair of her sweat shorts, which really show off my butt and hips.  My legs were shaved up to just above the knees (I don't have a lot of body hair, and it's light colored).  My toenails were painted, but I was wearing a pair of those cheap Wal-Mart garden shoes.  I had no hat on, and I am balding.  My nails are long, I have been growing out.  I feel I look feminine, but technically I look like a freak.  I panicked.  She got frustrated and had to go into the store to buy my soda. 

Fast forward to when we got to the courthouse.  This time she wasn't going in, she wanted to stay out in the truck with our son, since there might be a long line and he is only 2 years old.  And, there was the potentially embarassing situation of not actually having any insurance (we're poor, and about to get some again).  So, out of the truck and up through the parking lot I went, with my tushy twisting in the wind.  In the registration office, a couple of old guys were looking at me.  One of them kept staring at my legs and my shoes and my earring (I need to get the other ear pierced, so I can look more feminine and less queer).  When I got up to the counter and exchanged money and original registration copy for my new registration card and license plate sticker, the woman seem miffed about something.  I don't know what it was, but she was staring at my nails as were exchanging everything.  I sort of had the feeling that she was feeling insecure about herself, but she might have just been prejudiced.  I made it out of there alive, and I'm ONE STEP CLOSER to being myself

What experiences have you all had when it comes to untimely situations in transitioning?

Aeron

Oh geeze... I get to be dragged girl clothes shopping by my friend...

I can only imagine how awkward my experience will compare to yours. D:

[ANewMe]

 Your point is well made and completely understood. Trust me though when I say HRT does make HUDGE difference in you appearance. It does is slowly over time and in very subtle ways. You also have to realize that people do pick up on gender identity they just routinely confuse it with orientation at least that was the case for me. Friends, family and complete strangers always thought I was gay. In fact when I came out to Friends and Family they could tell it was going to be a coming out near the beginning of the conversation and several stopped me and said "wait don't tell me your gay right, I've known for years and it's ok." Followed by a chuckle from me and a well sort of but not in the way you think. I would really call it lesbian rather than gay. Then you just watch the confusion rise in their face while you take a pause and start pointing to several experiences in the past that probably led them to think you were gay, but in fact were signs of something else. Like I said this is how it was for me, your experience may differ from mine. Only time will tell.

Good Luck:

Holly

[Maddie Secutura]

I'm also a total wimp when it comes to full time.  I'm going to wear male clothes and all that stuff until it's no longer feasible to do so.  Step one was growing my hair out (check).  Step 2 is laser (current step).  Step 3 will be anti-androgens followed by HRT. My logic is that when people see me they won't see anything out of the ordinary throughout the entire process.  That is how I shall avoid any of those sticky situations.

[JENNIFER]

I may risk expulsion here but I have a message to our younger members contemplating fulltime transition to desired gender.

JUST DO IT.

If you have the basics i.e looks and body stature such as hands and feet though not exclusively, are growing your hair long and feel 'almost ready', then your best step is to go for it.  This also applies to FtoM in reverse.

I am 48, I went fulltime 3 years ago after many long years of just wishing for it.  Yes, I had extreme fear at the time that I would be exposed by everyone that I was a '->-bleeped-<-' but it passed quickly as I passed among others.  Life has been so much more of a relaxing experience because I am being honest and true to my self.  Because I am so much older, I may be wiser and more in tune with the world but that does not make me a better person because crossing the gender divide is an ordeal even for me and I understand it would be harder still for younger people.

My age also has disadvantages such as forgetting to put my shoes on before going out.  More than once have I got on a bus wearing my slippers   

Maddie?  Having seen your avatar I can only expect good times for you but it is for you to make them happen.

[samanthawhalen]

The younger ones that have posted in this thread definitely have their heads screwed on.  If time is on your side, then use it.  Do things gradually.  Now, even though I am only 36, I think that considering my severe hair loss I qualify (like Jennifer, hope she doesn't see this) as one of those that doesn't have a lot of time to spare.  For us, we HAVE to be a bit more aggressive.  As Jennifer said, though, if you're at the point, in terms of how you "look", then just go right ahead and jump in.  You can adjust mentally as you go.

Aeron

[Wing Walker]

I started on HRT in July 2002 and at the same time I stared presenting in woman's attire and a good quality wig.  That was after work and on weekends.

My appearance was pretty rough at that time as Grandmother Estrogen had yet to begin to soften my facial features and move some fat around.  I went out like that and I did not give two hoots and a holler who liked it, looked at me, or laughed at me.  I was out there, in the face of the world at-large.

As time passed, so did I, better than I had at the start.  My hair grew out, my features softened, and my self-taught voice exercises paid off.

I was in many sticky situations in the beginning but I just walked through them like they were nothing, and that is what they were, nothing.

Now that you have found the woman within her, continue to embrace her and be the best "her" that you can be.

Wing Walker

[Maddie Secutura]

What I mean to say is that it's awfully hard to pass when I have a ridiculous 5:00 shadow after 10:00 in the morning (though it only occurs on my upper lip and chin).  I need to go gradually.  First the hair on my head going longer, currently I'm doing laser so the shadow problem should go away.  But the real transition starts this fall (hopefully) when I go on HRT.  I also have a question while I'm here.  If one takes anti-androgens will the small amount of estrogen in one's system begin a slight feminizing process aka muscle loss?  Just curious because I may be able to go on those this summer.

[mickie88]

Aeron, there is beard cover-up that is available on the net. i have never had to use it as i am 25 and have never had significant male hair growth and i pray it stays that way. it usually runs anywhere from 12 -18 bucks a jar if you are interested. it is a lot cheaper than laser and electro and would probably help a little until you were able to afford such procedures. i am glad that i can hide what stubble is left behind with a light foundation and blush if i want to. i wish you the best in your quest to be you.


Best Wishes,
Warrior Princess Mickie

[samanthawhalen]

Thank you, Princess.     I have been masking myself all my life, and am tired of running.  Electrolysis (and as soon as I can get it done would be great) is the only way for me.  Do most electrolysists do a demo in the consultation, that involves taking a couple of hairs out to give the prospective patient a "feel" for how it works?  The electrolysist from Lexington, Kentucky that I spoke to over the phone said that she does not do any demos  in consultation, and I thought I'd read that most do.  She claims that she invented some technique that guarantees not having to go back to re-do any of the work.  She mentioned something about "galvanic".  I thought she had little to no sense of humor, that could make for some long sessions of someone staring at me (thinking witchy dental assistants here) 

Aeron

[mickie88]

i'm glad to be of help, my so tries to help me and it just comes out of her mean though i don't really think she intends it to. i don't wear some of my pants so i have a figure, i wear them because they fit my skinny lil but and that isn't easy to do...lol. i'm already overly sensitive w/o hormones, i hope they don't make me 10 times as bad...lol

Warrior Princess Mickie