Coming out to family

[lacitychick21]

So I need to come out to family.

OK... I'm in a bit of an unusual situation here. I hope this explanation isn't too confusing. I've been FT for two years and I'm out to my Mom's side of the family. My father's side I just don't see much at all (and not since FT). The few I keep in contact with (only my siblings), I've done so via e-mail. My father doesn't even know! I haven't seen him for 10 years, so he doesn't play a role in my life anyway. I have two sets of siblings. I have two older siblings on my Mom's side (Jeremy and Janice); I see them regularly, obviously they know. Then I have another set of younger half-siblings from my father's second marriage(oldest Jesse, Jake, and sister Jenn); they live in another state.

Of my younger half brothers (Jesse and Jake) and sister (Jenn), I came out to the oldest (Jesse) recently and he took it amazingly well, immediately addressing me in the correct pronouns and name. We now chat pretty regularly. The middle brother (Jake) has heard that I transitioned and has verbalized that he's OK with it (to my older brother, Jeremy), but I haven't been able to talk with him about it. The youngest sister (Jenn) is 14 and in 9th grade. She's the one I'm worried about. I think she'll be OK, but how do I soften the blow in a way a 14-year-old can understand and accept.

The twist: They want to stay for an entire weekend with me at my oldest brother's house (Jeremy)... in 2 WEEKS!!!!!

So how do you come out to someone face to face when, with one look at you, your gender is obvious (and opposite from when they last saw you)?

I last saw them about five years ago. I was a hyper-masculine male, I worked out a lot, and I didn't act femme at all. Since then, I've started HRT, totally transitioned, my voice is female, I have bewbs! I mean...I can't go to the youngest one and say, "I'm going to transition." or "I'm TS and I'm starting hormone treatment." I can't call with a girl voice! If I just surprise the at the airport, Jenn is probably going to ask why I'm wearing a skirt and have bewbs?!

Should I send an e-mail? Should I send links explaining it and end with "see you soon!" LoL

The middle younger brother (Jake) is in his late teens and I hear is a baddass. I'm worried he's gonna get all homophobe on me.

This is gonna be a weird weekend. How did I paint myself into this corner?!?!

[offthesidewalk]

I really don't have any advice. BUT I'll be thinking of you this weekend, ok? *huggles*
9th graders are more understanding than we think, i think- so maybe it won't be so hard as you think. (LOL- lots of thinking)
anyhow- if things get too much tho, you can always take a break and try and remember that awesome hair product's name. (-^.^-)

hope everything works out this weekend. like i said: I'll be thinking of you. *huggles*

[MeghanAndrews]

Well, we already talking about this, but I think you did the right thing by coming out to your other brother. It's an amazing thing sometimes, you know? We are so convinced we know how people will react that we save the pain of them not accepting us by not coming out to them. I think you know that they will be pretty understanding and judging from how your niece has been (in the same age bracket). I'd think the other girl would maybe demonstrate how your sis would react. Everyone is hoping for the best for you and I think it will turn out well for you    Meghan

[Jamie-o]

Maybe you can enlist her older brother, Jesse, to at least give you an idea of the best way to approach her, or to give her a heads up beforehand?  I think I would send her an email that explains the facts, and then follow up with a phone call a couple days later, after she has had a chance to process the info. to see if she had any questions (or wants to cancel the trip  .) 

[Lori]

I'd show up as a singing "Strip O gram" and sing a song that explains what happened to that guy they once knew. 

[Lutin]

Humour *is* a good way to break the ice...

Hmm...

By 14 girls are usually fairly mature (my brother had a group of friends over once when he was 14, and the boys were all boys, and the girls were all women), so just explain it to her as you would to any other mature person (though maybe explain terms, if any, that she's unlikely to have heard before). Maybe even write down ideas of what you want/need to say to help explain things beforehand, just so that when the time comes you won't be caught completely off-guard. Also possible questions that others might ask, and your possible answers. Don't rehearse and memorise anything completely, otherwise if there's a question that's *sort of* like what you wrote down, but not *exactly*, you'll be at more of a loss for words trying to figure out how well your prepared answer suffices and what to say if it doesn't.

And, in the words of the Genii, "Remember, beeeeee yourself."

(Gimli's "Keep breathing, that's the key," also works well here ).

All the best,

Lutin

[Suzy]

Laci,

I think the  biggest worry would be about Jake.  I think Jenn is going to probably be fine with it.  Really, though, I think an email or some kind of ice breaker would be in order.  Some good links for further reading would be great, too.  The stress of the situation may cause them (or you) to say or do things that are regrettable.  You can short circuit that by a little early contact.  If all else fails, stand behind your big brother and make him protect his sister.

You are an amazingly beautiful girl.  I am sure they will see that.  Please let us know how it all goes.

Kristi

[lacitychick21]

There are some great suggestions here...urgh, but the decision was made for me, kind of. Jesse told Jake and Jenn...

I'll update everyone on what happens...

[MeghanAndrews]

Keep your head up Laci, it'll all work out. I know it's hard for you, but I think your family members have so much respect for you, whether you are a boy or a girl. Respect is respect, that's it. You possess qualities that people respect and you are the kind of person who would put yourself out to help someone else. I think your family senses that about you and it will all work out. Keep smiling, Meghan   

[Elwood]

My God... Is that picture you? You're gorgeous!

Anyway...

Wow... your situation sounds pretty tough. I think it may shock them. This might go very bad. But it might not! Take the advice of the more experienced folk here... but know you have my support. I wish you the best of luck.