Hi Bibi! Welcome.
Don't let Nfr scare you...the jokes aren't all bad (just most of the ones I write).
I understand what you are feeling. I am also (like the 657 others have stated) male-bodied, probably 75F/25M, but I fluctuate often to somewhere around 35F/65M, depending on the phase of the moon and what kind of pizza I had the night before (or some other reason I don't quite understand). Additionally, I would also like to reach the point where I am living full-time (or nearly) as a female, even if it is kind of a tomboy thing.
So, you are not alone in your feelings. The degrees of those feelings, emotions, gender identity and expression are different for each of us, but that is what makes this such a cool place.
Looking forward to more of your posts.........L