Hi, Janet Lynn,
If it has gone that hard for you trying to continue hiding who you truly are, and if you have been suicidal, wishing to die rather then live one more day as your male counterpart, then I say it's time you put "Plan B" into effect. This means it's time to come out, come hell or high water.
What is there to fear? Regardless of whether you come out or stay in, one way it's pretty certain you might end up quite dead, or choose to go the other way, take your chances and live as the target gender. There are no other choices, and whether you like it or not, is irrelevant. When you go out you will notice there is a multitude of different characteristics in the nature of human kind. You will also find that there is about 80% of the population out there won't even see you, and 20% don't know what they are looking at and go with their own train of thought involving their own little lives.
As I have observed personally, that one probably could live and die at a ripe old age before anyone really notices that one is even missing. Most times members of society or members of the general public, will just go on their way not wanting to get involved because they have enough of their own, problems to worry about. All you need to do is stay away from any potentially dangerous places, like for example, pool rooms, bars, night clubs, truck stops, semi dark streets, dark parking lots, walking around town after dark on nearly vacant streets.
This is dangerous, practice, even for GG's, and this is why many you will see travel with companions, especially teen girls. After one bad experience a few years back I din't take any chances either after that. I took a friend with me, until Wing Walker came into my life. Let me cap this off by saying, being in the wrong place at the wrong time could be detrimental to your health, it's just simply safer to go out with a friend. Goodness! After all, this ain't the same as it was back in my day, like this ain't Kansas anymore Toto. You ask about support well there are a few options available to us for support, just to mentions a few, Dr's, shrinks, therapists, and support groups.
I believe you may lose family and friends before you begin to learn in earnest as to where you are at now, and where you are going, once you start transitioning will become entirely evident to you as you proceed along your journey. How you work your own personal program and how fast you learn what you need to know will determine how rapidly you begin your successful transition, That done then the pieces will begin to fall into place and you will begin to fit in or be accepted or assimilated, 'which ever you prefer' by society.
Cindy
