Quote from: Del on June 14, 2008, 01:05:45 AM
I am just wondering if there is anyone else here that could relate to being non, or ungendered. Where you're just a spirit in a shell with no real deep feelings one way or the other toward either sex. Sort of like nothing matters. You just honour the sex of your body because of societies norms and if you woke up one day with a body of the opposite sex it really wouldn't matter?
You would still just be a spirit in a shell and there would be no grave change to upset your life. You would just live to honour societies norm for that sex just as you do now. No big deal.
Del
I was like that for most of my childhood. I was just completely numb towards gender of either type. It was strange, actually, because before I hit sixteen or so I never gave much thought to what it meant to be a girl or a boy. I was just... me.
I never did anything that could be considered masculine, but I also never really made a
conscious effort to indulge in activities that were considered feminine, either. My brothers thought I was very weird, and to be fair to them.. I was, and pretty much still am, lol.
But my next door neighbour, whilst I was growing up, had two girls, who I used to hang out with pretty much all the time. And we'd do all kinds of stuff that, on reflection, should have pushed the button in my mind marked "this is a very girly thing to be doing". Stuff like wearing your mother's high heels that were about four sizes too big, and experimenting with makeup to the extent that it looked as though it had been fired at your face from a gun, close range, by a visually impaired, sadistic gibbon.
We'd gather rose petals and make perfume, hold tea parties, the lot. And none of this, absolutely none of it, struck me as anything other than a perfectly normal thing to be doing. It didn't form the association in my head that "hang on, you aren't acting like your brothers here, maybe there's something you should be thinking about."
But the most marked absence for me was a total lack of any sexual preference or urges whatsoever. I didn't find anyone attractive, male or female. Maybe because I hadn't formed a solid view of what my gender should be at that point, so had no frame of reference, or maybe because I just didn't care.
At school, when conversations turned to who was dating who and what the guys were planning to do with the girls (ick), I just kinda sat there with a bored expression on my face, politely listening to all the waffle and bravado. I never once thought "I am a guy, like these people... I should be saying the same thing. Or at the very least, I should be thinking about it."
Conversely, though, whilst I seemed to get on far better with the female students, I didn't identify with them, or feel like I should be one of them. Not at that age. I kinda looked at both sexes objectively, feeling myself to be neither. Or maybe both, I don't know.
But once I hit sixteen and puberty struck... that's when everything went to hell in a handcart.
